TiVoPlex
By John Seal
January 23, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 1/24/12
12:30 AM Flix
Manderlay (2005 DEN): Part two of Lars Von Trier's still incomplete Dogville trilogy returns to the small screen this morning. The luminous Bryce Dallas Howard replaces Nicole Kidman in the lead role of Grace Mulligan, and the story commences as she departs with her father (Willem Dafoe) from Dogville for greener pastures in rural Alabama. It's 1933, and apparently this back-of-beyond part of the Deep South hasn't received word that slavery was outlawed 70 years prior. The Mulligans meet plantation owner Mam (Lauren Bacall) and overseer Wilhelm (Danny Glover), neither of whom believe their slaves are ready for the responsibilities of freedom. Grace believes differently, and ends up leading a slave rebellion. Shot in the same arch-theatrical style as its predecessor, Manderlay exposes American's post-racial mythology through the prism of Von Trier's puckish point of view. It's not easy or entertaining viewing, but like all of the Danish nutter's output, thought provoking and maddening in equal measure.
7:35 AM Flix
The Master Gunfighter (1975 USA): In between cranking out Billy Jack features, Tom Laughlin cooked up this wacky western. Laughlin, of course, stars as Finley, a mysterious rancher who (unsurprisingly) knows martial arts and (perhaps more surprisingly) wields a really cool mini-machine gun. Just like Billy Jack, he’s a pacifist at heart...but just like Billy Jack, he’ll kick your ass seven ways ‘til Sunday should you steal some land or massacre some Native Americans. The Master Gunfighter is pretty awful and Laughlin’s next feature, Billy Jack Goes to Washington, wasn’t much better. Co-stars Ron "Superfly" O’Neal, Barbara Carrera, and Burgess Meredith do their best under the trying circumstances.
7:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Where the Spies Are (1966 GB): It’s spy comedies night on TCM, and the channel has a couple of tasty obscurities on offer amidst the usual Derek Flint and Matt Helm films. First up is this Val Guest-helmed feature starring David Niven as Jason Love, a milquetoast country doctor hired by British intelligence to uncover the truth about an agent’s death in Beirut. This mildly diverting caper flick - which used to appear regularly on TV back in the ‘70s - was shot on location and will benefit from airing (for the first time on American television) in its original 2.35:1 aspect ratio. A decent supporting cast, including Francoise Dorleac, Eric Pohlmann, and John Le Mesurier, nicely supplements the Lebanese scenery. It’s followed at 9:00 PM by Agent 8 3/4, a 1965 feature in which Dirk Bogarde’s character - a writer - finds himself in a predicament similar to Niven’s. Though this is a TCM debut, you’ll need to check out VCI’s Region 1 disc to see this film in letterbox format.
Wednesday 1/25/12
1:00 AM Fox Movie Channel
In Broad Daylight (1991 USA): Don’t you think it a little odd that Fox Movie Channel keeps airing these old made-for-TV movies - films created with commercial breaks built-in - during their "no commercials" hours, while commercial-interrupted FXM is airing theatrically released features in prime time? Explanations on a postcard to the usual address, please. In Broad Daylight is an above average example of the small screen style, with the great Brian Dennehy headlining as Len Rowan, patriarch of a family of hellraisers who’ve been making life miserable for their middle America neighbors for years. An argument with shop owner Ruth Westerman (Cloris Leachman) spirals out of control, leading to all sorts of nasty problems. Based on a true story, this nail-biter also features Marcia Gay Harden and Chris Cooper, both of whom have since graduated to the Hollywood big leagues.
9:00 PM Sundance Channel
Vampires (2010 BEL): This amusing Belgian mockumentary has been compared to its Low Countries compatriot Man Bites Dog (1992), but it’s a much lighter morsel than that bleak black comedy. Carlo Ferrante headlines as George, an upper middle-class family man who - along with wife Bertha and kids Samson and Grace - subsists on hemoglobin. The film records the family’s everyday activities, as they dine out (on humans, of course!) and stay in (during the day, of course!). Vampires lacks real bite (sorry) but still has the potential to tickle your funny bone.
Thursday 1/26/12
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
The Skipper Surprised His Wife (1950 USA): My dirty mind compels me to include this rarely seen and decidedly mediocre MGM comedy in this week’s column. Directed by Elliott Nugent and featuring Robert Walker as a sailor who runs his home like he runs his ship, there are precious few surprises of any variety in this film...and certainly none of the carnal kind, as the bishop said to the actress. On the plus side, a guy named Finnegan Weatherwax plays a character named Muscles. Surprisingly, he does not appear to be related to famed Lassie wrangler Rudd Weatherwax.
5:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Intent to Kill (1958 GB): Helmed by TCM man of the month Jack Cardiff, Intent to Kill stars Herbert Lom as Menda, a left-wing South American caudillo traveling to Montreal for some emergency brian surgery. Like most red South American presidents of the period Menda has a lot of enemies, and a trio of assassins has been dispatched to kill him before he can get within a hundred feet of an operating table. The professional killers, however, haven’t counted on indefatigable neurosurgeon McLaurin (Richard Todd), who not only operates but throws a spanner in the works by moving Menda to a different room. (They may be killers, but apparently they’re not very smart.) Subterfuge and mistaken identities ensue, all conjured from the pen of Hammer Film’s favorite screenwriter, Jimmy Sangster.
11:50 PM Starz
Incendies (2010 CAN-FRA): From a British film set in Canada we move on to a Canadian film set (mostly) in the Middle East. Written and directed by Denis Villeneuve, Incendies tells the troubling story of Simon and Jeanne Marwan (Maxim Gaudette and Melissa Desormeaux-Poulin), siblings estranged from their mother (portrayed in flashback by the great Luban Azabal) but forced to re-engage posthumously due to the terms of her will. Mom’s will stipulates that they travel to an unnamed country in the Middle East to deliver a message to a previously unknown half-brother and to their father, who Simon and Jeanne have long presumed dead. Awkward! Nominated for Best Foreign Language Film at last year’s Academy Awards, Incendies ended up losing to Susanne Bier’s In a Better World, reviewed here just a few weeks ago. Also airs at 2:50 AM.
Friday 1/27/12
2:00 AM HBO Signature
Chile Puede(2008 CHI): I haven’t seen this Chilean comedy yet, but it features Catalina Saavedra in a supporting role. Saavedra, absolutely brilliant as morose housekeeper Raquel in 2009’s The Maid, is reason enough to give Chile Puede a look.
3:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Numbered Men (1930 USA): This very obscure (and very ridiculous) early talkie stars Conrad Nagel as Duke Gray, an inmate at Stoneyhurst State Penitentiary, where he shares trustee privileges with fellow cons Bud (Raymond Hackett) and Baby Face (man-mountain Ivan Linow, Hercules in the sound remake of The Unholy Three). It’s a life of bliss for our boys behind bars - until King Callahan (Ralph Ince) shows up and starts plotting his escape. After Callahan successfully breaks out during a riot, the warden does just what any man in his position would do - deputize his trustees, give them guns, and send them out to track down the fugitive. And that’s not the funniest aspect of Numbered Men: the credits list Nagel as portraying prisoner number 26521, but Duke actually wears the number 10607!
10:15 AM Fox Movie Channel
The Return of the Incredible Hulk (1988 USA): Lather, rinse, repeat: here’s another made for TV movie screening uninterrupted on Fox Movie Channel! Take that, FXM! Lou Ferrigno, the worst "actor" since Johnny Weissmuller, returns as the titular Hulk, still transforming into his bad green self whenever scientist Bruce Banner (Bill Bixby) gets upset about something. Banner is on the verge of discovering a cure for his condition, but naturally things don’t go as planned, and he (and the Hulk) soon find themselves flexing muscles alongside fellow super hero Thor (Eric Kramer). It’s all good, goofy fun and co-stars Tim Thomerson and the recently deceased Charles Napier.
6:45 PM Turner Classic Movies
One More River (1934 USA): James Whale is best known, of course, for directing some of the greatest horror and science fiction films ever made, including Frankenstein and The Invisible Man. Whale’s non-horror output, however, continues to get overlooked, including his sterling 1936 version of Show Boat and this first-rate drama. One More River tells the story of Clare Corven (Diana Wynyard), a liberated woman who abandons her brutal husband (Henry Frankenstein himself, Colin Clive) and his Ceylonese plantation for a down-at-heel existence as a London office girl. Of course, this being Hollywood, there’s a new man around the corner, but Whale and screenwriter R.C. Sherriff play up the emancipated aspect of Clare’s character to excellent effect. Look for fresh-faced Jane Wyatt in her first big screen appearance.
7:30 PM Sundance Channel
X (2011 AUS): Who can resist a film with the tagline “A jaded callgirl... a fledging hooker... the night from hell”? I know I can’t. The delightfully named Viva Bianca (paging Russ Meyer and Radley Metzger!) stars as Holly, a Sydney call girl who eyeballs a murder while at, ahem, "work." To make matters worse, the killer is a police associate of one of Holly’s clients…and the bent copper has no qualms about rubbing out witnesses. X is about as grungy and exploitative as a film being aired on Sundance can get.
11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Possession (1981 FRA): Lotta movies on today, need to cut down the verbiage. Possession: art-horror movie starring Isabelle Adjani and Sam Neill. Points of interest: widescreen television debut; only French film ever made in which a woman gives birth to a monster in the Paris Metro. I think.
Saturday 1/28/12
Midnight Fox Movie Channel
The Death of the Incredible Hulk (1990 USA): Hulkamania continues on Fox this early Saturday morning. This time Bruce Banner (Bill Bixby) falls in love with beautiful spy Jasmin (Elizabeth Gracen) whilst continuing his experiments to rid himself of the curse of the Hulk (Lou Ferrigno). She’s in for a shock during that all important first date!
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Safari Drums (1952 USA): Bomba feature number nine features our hero (Johnny Sheffield) crossing vines with wicked moviemakers trying to make a fast buck by shooting some jungle footage. Why, I never - that couldn’t possibly happen in real life, could it? An erupting volcano (not sure if it’s the same one featured in Bomba number three, The Lost Volcano) and some stolen diamonds add to the (relative) excitement, and series regular Smoki Whitfield shows up once again as a superstitious native bearer.
Sunday 1/29/12
1:00 AM Fox Movie Channel
Killer Tomatoes Eat France (1992 USA): My hard drive is screaming "uncle" at this point - this is one busy week in the TiVoPlex! Next up is the fourth (and to date final) chapter of the Killer Tomatoes series, in which the fruit most likely to be mistaken for a vegetable attempt to install Professor Gangreen’s (John Astin) minion Igor (Steve Lundquist) on the (non-existent, but who cares) French throne. If you like the series and enjoy ethnic humor at the expense of the French, you’ll love Killer Tomatoes Eat France.
5:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
The D.I. (1957 USA): The TCM spotlight is on producer-writer-director-wooden actor Jack Webb tonight. First on the schedule is The D.I., in which the emotionless Webb plays a Marine Corps drill instructor whipping young recruits into shape. It’s the first half of Full Metal Jacket without the profanity, which isn’t entirely a bad thing. The D.I. is followed at 7:00 PM by -30- (1959), Webb’s salute to the newspaper trade. For those of you under 40, -30- is the notation typed by a journalist at the bottom of a story to signify "The End." For those of you under 30, a newspaper was something people used to get delivered to their house every day.
Monday 1/30/12
1:30 AM Fox Movie Channel
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes(1978 USA): And just like that, here’s the film that started it all. It’s tremendous fun for those of us who grew up watching black and white science fiction films on the late, late show; others may find it simply baffling. This film used to air a lot on Comedy Central but now arrives sans commercial interruptions on Fox.
9:45 AM HBO Signature
Todo Lo Que Tu Quieras(2010 ESP): Wanna see a Spanish movie about a young girl whose mother dies, and whose father dresses in drag to masquerade as Mum in order to help his daughter adjust? Here ya go.
11:15 PM Showtime
Essential Killing (2010 POL-NOR): Our blockbuster week wearily wends its way to a conclusion with this remarkable feature from veteran director Jerzy Skolimowski. Vincent Gallo, never averse to attempting career suicide, plays a Taliban fighter who kills three American soldiers, gets captured, and gets waterboarded when he doesn’t spill the beans during questioning. Not only that - he doesn’t say a single goddamn word in the whole movie (there is a logic to this that the film explains)! Essential Killing is unlike any other film you’ve ever seen - even Michael Winterbottom’s Road to Guantanamo can’t really compare - and a fitting addition to Gallo’s resume, where it nestles snuggly next to other audience dividers like Freeway II: Confessions of a Trick Baby (1999) and The Brown Bunny (2005).
And with that, I and my extremely full (and tired) hard drive are done for another week!