TiVoPlex
By John Seal
January 16, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 1/17/12
5:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969 USA): Not to be confused with cinematic queries regarding Baby Jane Hudson, this above average thriller stars Geraldine Page as a somewhat odd desert denizen who has a way of making her household help disappear permanently. Nicely photographed by Joseph Biroc, this thoroughly enjoyable suspenser also features the always wonderful Ruth Gordon, as well as Rosemary Forsyth, Robert Fuller, and Mildred Dunnock. It may not be quite up to par with Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, but it’s head and shoulders above Whoever Slew Auntie Roo? in the "film titles that pose questions" sweepstakes.
9:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Night in Paradise (1945 USA): Here’s a colorful and enjoyable Universal fantasy feature that hasn’t been seen on television in ages. Dapper Turhan Bey (who turns 90 this March) headlines as fable-spinner Aesop, here relating the story of ol’ King Croesus (Thomas Gomez) and his efforts to remove an ancient curse placed upon him by wicked witch Attosa (eternal Hollywood villainess Gale Sondergaard). The story is lighter on the supernatural elements than one might hope, but 1945 was a terrible year for fantastic cinema, so allowances must be made. Night in Paradise makes up for this oversight with a surprising amount of sexual innuendo (the Breen Office must have been closed the day Universal submitted the script for approval) and features a fine supporting cast, including Merle Oberon, Jerome Cowan, George "father of Mickey" Dolenz, and John Litel.
11:00 PM Showtime 3
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover (1989 GB): If Night in Paradise got you in the mood for something a little racy, consider next this outrageous Peter Greenaway flick, which somehow grossed almost $8 million in U.S. arthouses. Blame (or credit) the film’s artwork, which focussed on Helen Mirren posing in a striking set of black undies. Sex plus art = catnip for critics and intellectual poseurs! Aw, I’m being too hard on my peeps — CTWL is quite worthy of attention for any number of reasons, including Michael Gambon’s magisterial performance as the thuggish host of a disgusting series of nightly revels. If you can imagine Pasolini’s Salo: the 120 Days of Sodom transported to Thatcher-era Britain, you’re almost there.
Wednesday 1/18/12
10:00 AM Fox Movie Channel
The Tomorrow Man (1996 USA): FxM, I hate you. That said, The Tomorrow Man is airing on the old "Fox Movie Channel," now relegated to the half of the day when the only people watching television are junkies, insomniacs, and security guards. It’s a surprisingly good made-for-TV sci fi effort headlined by Julian Sands as an android sent from the future to prevent humanity from making all sorts of bad mistakes. So, no Jersey Shore and no snuggies, then - thanks, Tomorrow Man! Well-written if a little skimpy on future fiction razzle dazzle, The Tomorrow Man co-stars Giancarlo Esposito, Obba Babatunde, and James Saito.
Thursday 1/19/12
Midnight Showtime Extreme
Bodyguards and Assassins (2009 HK): Xueqi Wang stars in this ahistorical drama about the rise to power of Chinese nationalist hero Sun Yat-sen, who ended the 4,000 year-long reign of the various dynasties we westerners have learned about from hundreds of other Chinese and Hong Kong-lensed features. Wang plays Li, a wealthy entrepreneur tasked with protecting Sun (Hanyu Zhang) from imperial forces eager to keep him as far away from the corridors of power as possible. And how do you do that? By hiring a dirty dozen or so’s worth of bodyguards, including stinky tofu peddler Lau (Leon Lai) and compulsive gambler Sum (Donnie Yen). The story meanders a bit at first, but don’t worry - there’s ass-kicking aplenty in the final few reels as our motley group of heroes face off against the titular assassins. Here’s hoping this epic, two hours plus feature will screen in its original aspect ratio tonight - panning and scanning will render it unwatchable.
3:20 AM HBO Signature
Female on the Beach (1955 USA): Joan Crawford plays Lynn Markham, a widow getting in deep with beach bum Drummond (blonde adonis Jeff Chandler), in this ridiculous, over-the-top, but thoroughly enjoyable potboiler from director Joseph Pevney. Drummond’s previous flame has recently come to a sticky and somewhat suspicious end, but Lynn can’t resist his bronzed good looks and finds herself pulled closer and closer into his orbit. And then there’s those creepily avuncular neighbors, the Sorensons (Cecil Kellaway and Natalie Schafer - a match made in heaven!), who seem a little to eager to get Lynn and Drummond to hook up. One of the campest of all Crawfords, Female on the Beach is hugely entertaining hokum. Shame it's not in Technicolor, though.
Friday 1/20/12
1:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Cameraman: The Life and Work of Jack Cardiff (2010 GB): Years in the making, this documentary finally appeared on TCM earlier this month and repeats tonight. It’s a terrific tribute to the legendary late cinematographer and director, filled to the brim with wonderful clips and even rarer examples of his non-film work. Cameraman is essential viewing for anyone interested in the art of cinema.
11:00 AM The Movie Channel
Death Watch (1980 USA-FRA): I’m not super enthusiastic about this rather long and rather slow Bertrand Tavernier flick, but it does present an interesting and prophetic conceit: the filming in real-time of the decay and ultimate death of a terminally ill woman (Romy Schneider, herself a youthful victim of "cardiac arrest" at the age of 44). Not only that, the filming is done by a man (Harvey Keitel) who’s had a camera installed in his body - shades of Dana Andrews in 1966’s Spy In Your Eye! This is no silly spy caper or goofy sci-fi exercise, however - it’s a deadly serious and highly philosophical exposition on privacy and media. Dull but worthy, Death Watch co-stars Harry Dean Stanton and Max von Sydow.
7:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Anderson Tapes (1971 USA): Sidney Lumet’s cracking action film stars Sean Connery as an ex-prisoner and recidivist master thief out to empty a luxurious Manhattan apartment building of its occupants’ riches. To do so, though, he has to circumvent the space-age security systems employed by the building’s owners: yes, they’ve installed video cameras! Though the premise is somewhat dated and not particularly original, the story still thrills, thanks in part to a wonderful Quincy Jones soundtrack and a great supporting cast, including the underappreciated Dyan Cannon, Martin Balsam, Ralph Meeker, and Christopher Walken in his first sizable role as “The Kid."
11:00 PM Flix
The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea (1976 GB): I always loved this title more than I loved the movie itself. One of only three features directed by screenwriter Lewis John Carlino (I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, The Great Santini) and based on a Yukio Mishima novel, The SWFFGWTS stars Kris Kristofferson as Jim Cameron, a sailor engaging in a hot and spicy affair with landbound widower Anne Osborne (Sarah Miles) in a small Cornish town. At first, Anne’s son Jonathan (Jonathan Kahn) admires his new father figure - but after spying on Jim and Anne during their bedroom trysting his impression of the seaman begins to change (I am trying hard not to resort to a crass "semen" joke here), resulting in a series of dangerous misadventures with the local ruffians. DVD Savant Glenn Erickson compares this to Frank Perry’s Last Summer, but that almost damns the far superior Last Summer with faint praise. While The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea is lovely to look at (though only in widescreen), it’s hard to take seriously.
Saturday 1/21/12
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Bomba and the Jungle Girl (1951 USA): At first I thought Bomba was making a move on Tarzan’s love interest, but then I did my research and realized that - though the T-man had encountered both a Slave Girl and a Jungle Boy - he did not in actual fact have a titular tete-a-tete with "the Jungle Girl," unless you count Jane, which you shouldn’t. Bottom line: Bomba did not cuckold the Lord of the Apes. As for the film, the tagline says it all: VENGEANCE STRIKES IN THE HIDDEN PARADISE OF A PAGAN PRIESTESS! Boy howdy!
10:30 AM Turner Classic Movies
Reach for the Sky (1956 GB): Kenneth More stars as fighter pilot Douglas Bader in this patriotic tribute to the boys who fought in the Battle of Britain. Bader flew Spitfires as a member of 242 Squadron during World War II and was credited with shooting down 22.5 German planes before being shot down himself and captured in 1941. The most remarkable thing about him? He’d lost both legs in a 1931 accident but was still able to fly. Bader also repeatedly tried to escape from his PoW camp, eventually being sent to Colditz, the Nazi equivalent of Alcatraz Island. As for this biopic, it’s stirring and inspirational stuff, with More delivering one of his best performances, bolstered by a terrific supporting cast including Michael Ripper, Nigel Green, Michael Gough, and Eric Pohlmann.
Monday 1/23/12
8:00 AM Showtime 3
Tabloid(2010 USA): Errol Morris’s most recent documentary makes its small screen debut this morning. Tabloid relates the bizarre tale of a Wyoming beauty queen who kidnapped a Mormon missionary in Britain, chained him to a bed, and raped him. If that’s not freaky enough, the same woman then turned her notoriety into celebrity, hobnobbing with movie stars at gala premieres whilst on bail before fleeing to the U.S., where she converted to Mormonism and continued living an outlandish and criminal lifestyle. It’s a crazy story about a crazy lady and reminded me of Dan Klores’ amazing 2007 doc Crazy Love. Crazy, man, crazy.
10:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Exile(1948 USA): The first film directed by Max Ophuls during his brief American sojourn, The Exile is very much in keeping with the filmmaker's romantic vision of life. Doug Fairbanks Jr. stars as Charles Stuart, the English King exiled to Holland during Oliver Cromwell’s brief mid-17th century interregnum. Whilst there (in the film mind you, not in real life), Stuart falls for simple farm girl Katie (Rita Corday), but wicked Roundhead Ingram (Henry Daniell, naturally) is on his tail. Will Charles settle for a life of quiet domesticity, will he be captured by his political opponents and executed, or will he return in triumph and rule his people magnanimously? This being Ophuls, the film doesn’t dwell much on the governance issues, so don’t expect much in the way of a history lesson.
10:05 PM HBO Signature
La Casa Muda (2010 URU): I haven’t seen this Uruguayan horror film yet, but it’s had great reviews and been compared to [Rec] and The Orphanage. I’ll definitely be watching.