This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for January 13, 2012
By Curt David
January 13, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Dolly's Five Finger Death Punch is surprisingly effective
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, FlightPlan, The Game Plan, and The Back-Up Plan all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (10 weeks until my book crush The Hunger Games comes to theatres!).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of January 13th, the movies in wide release are Contraband, Joyful Noise, and the re-release in 3D of Disney's Beauty and the Beast.


Contraband Joyful Noise Beauty and the Beast (3D) WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis movie sounds like a thriller. This movie sounds inspirational. This weekend sounds like the Disney classic is back in theaters in 3D! Beauty and the Beast is one of the most famous cartoons of all time. Point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Action:

Rated R for violence, pervasive language, and brief drug use. 		Musical Comedy:

Rated PG-13 for some language including a sexual reference. 		Animation:

Rated G 		All three are different genres, I like that. All three will split the point.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"What would you hide to protect your family?"

I've never thought about this question before.

1/5 		"Dream a Whole Lot Louder."

Meh.

1/5 		"The Most Beautiful Love Story Ever Told."

Yeah it is!

3/5 		You go Beauty and the Beast! Point!
Best Part of TrailerThere were like 4 Acts in the plot of the trailer, confusing, but looks alright. Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton fighting. The 3D trailer focused too much on love and singing, and not the action/comedy boys might like. Joyful Noise had the best trailer this week.
Coolest Lead ActorMark Wahlberg from Boogie Nights, The Departed, and The Fighter. Queen Latifah from Chicago, Bringing Down the House, and Living Single. Belle, who can sing and fight wolves with a club! All three talented stars will split the point this round.
Best CastKate Beckinsale (Underworld) and Ben Foster (X-Men 3) Dolly Parton (9 to 5), Keke Palmer (Akeelah and the Bee), Jesse L. Martin (Law and Order) and Kirk Franklin. Angela Lansbury (voice of Mrs. Potts) and Jerry Orbach (from Law and Order) Dolly Parton is big enough to win this round by herself. Point for Joyful Noise.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Baltasar Kormakur has also directed some of Iceland's most popular videos. Director and writer Todd Graff has also written and directed Bandslam. Directors Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise also directed The Hunchback of NotreDame Gary/Kirk would normally win, but since the movie came out 20 years ago, I'll let all three movies split the point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Beauty and the Beast scores 3 points, Joyful Noise also scores 3 points, and Contraband scores 1 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to see Marky Mark kick some butt, feel free to watch Contraband. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Beauty and the Beast is the best movie to watch this weekend (only because we know it's a classic, Oscar-winning movie. But if you want to give another movie a shot- watch Joyful Noise).
Conclusion 2: Robert Wahlberg, Mark's brother, also acts in Contraband.
Conclusion 3: Belle is the Disney Princess I have the biggest crush on.