This Weekend, Watch This
This Weekend, Watch This: A comparison of the new releases for December 23,
By Curt David
December 22, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com

This girl will *not* go out with you
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Escape from Alcatraz, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, and Madagascar Escape 2 Africa all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Catherine Zeta-Jones is coming out with not one, but two! movies this Spring! "Playing the Field" and "Rock of Ages"!).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of December 23rd, the movies in wide release are The Adventures of Tintin, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, We Bought a Zoo, War Horse, and The Darkest Hour.



The Adventures of Tintin The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo We Bought a Zoo War Horse The Darkest Hour WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleReminds me of an European comic book character. Reminds me of a European novel Maybe it reminds me of a true story/ book about a family buying a zoo Maybe it reminds me of a book and a Broadway play Doesn't remind me of anything. The first two imports will split the point for most recognizable title.
Best Genre
and Rating		Animation:

Rated PG: for adventure action violence, some drunkenness, and brief smoking. 		Thriller:

Rated R for brutal violent including rape and torture, strong sexuality, graphic nudity, and language. 		Family:

Rated PG for language and some thematic elements 		Drama:

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of war violence. 		Sci-Fi:

Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence and some language. 		All different genres! All will split the point. (crap, adding 1/5th points is going to suck at the end)
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"This year discover how far adventure will take you." Semi-inspiring.

2/5. 		"She's coming." Sounds badass.

3/5 		N/A. boooo

0/5 		"Separated by war. Tested by Battle. Bound by Friendship"

Sounds epic. 3/5 		"Survive the Holidays." Ha- the holidays are stressful for everyone AND it's an alien invasion!

4/5 		"It's the season for giving...a can of whoop @$$!" was The Darkest Hour's second choice for tagline. Point.
Best Part of TrailerWow, they weren't kidding. Action Adventure Violence. The long trailer was much better than the short one. Awwww. I love inspirational trailers! Seems like a good movie. I didn't really get it, though. Interesting deaths. Curious how five people will save the world. War Horse and The Darkest Hour didn't really do it for me. The other three will split the point. (What's 1/5 plus 1/3?)
Coolest Lead ActorThe voice of Jamie Bell from Billy Elliot and Jumper. Daniel Craig from Layer Cake and Casino Royale. Matt Damon from Good Will Hunting and the Bourne movies. Emily Watson (not the lead, but the first billed) was also in Punch Drunk Love. Emile Hirsch from Into the Wild and Milk. While I have a man crush on Emile Hirsh, I think Matt Damon and Daniel Craig will each get a 1/2 point. (I hate fractions.)
Best CastThe voices of Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg, Andy Serkis, and Cary Elwes. Rooney Mara (The Social Network), Christopher Plummer (The Sound of Music), and Robin Wright (The Princess Bride) Scarlett Johansson (Lost in Translation), Thomas Haden Church (Sideways), and Elle Fanning (Super 8) I didn't really recognize anyone else. I didn't really recognize anyone else. Dragon Tattoo and Bought a Zoo and their Oscar nominated cast members will split this point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Steven Spielberg also directed Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, Minority Report, and E.T. Director David Fincher also directed se7en, Fight Club, and The Social Network. Director Cameron Crowe also directed Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous, and Vanilla Sky. Director Steven Spielberg also directed Jaws, Jurassic Park, Catch Me if You Can, and the four Indiana Jones films. Director Chris Gorak was the Art Director on Fight Club, Minority Report, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Steven Spielberg has to win this round. Wait. What? I guess both Spielberg movies split the point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo scores 2 and 1/30 points, Adventures of Tintin and We Bought a Zoo each score 1 and 8/15 points, The Darkest Hour scores 1 and 1/5 points, and War Horse scores 7/10 point. (I dare you to double check my math).

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a probable Oscar nominee, feel free to watch War Horse. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Despite me saying Tintin was a recognizable title, that was just based on Wikipedia saying Tintin is famous. I've never heard of him before.
Conclusion 3: My favorite part of this week's column: the animals were listed in the credits of We Bought a Zoo at IMDb. Tank and Bart the Bear are both played by Buster the Bear. Felix the Lion is played by Solomon the King. And the part of Crystal the Monkey is played by Crystal the Capuchin.
Conclusion 4: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!