Top Chef: Texas Recap
By David Mumpower
December 21, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
The latest episode picks up where the last one ended. People are still horrified by Heather’s abusive treatment of Beverly. This is like a wrestling storyline. Beverly was the person who appeared certain to be the primary villain of the season. She is selfish, immature and tearful. Her erratic behavior to date is indicative of someone who is not long for the completion. But Heather has now taken it upon herself to smite Beverly for her many transgressions. And the result is a cooking competition equivalent of Ike and Tina Turner but without the sex. God, I hope it is without the sex.
Tim Love’s presence reinforces the season’s theme of Texas cuisine. Love is a native of the state who fell in love with cooking back when he was a classmate of mine at The University of Tennessee in the early 90s. And yes, I just dated myself quite a bit there. Anyway, Love is one of the finest chefs in the world, someone who has competed on Iron Chef, and is well known for his love of game. Presumably, the Quickfire Challenge will involve this in some way.
Oh no, I am totally and completely wrong. There are so many tequila bottles lying around that you would think Keith Richards just played a gig. The product endorsement for the day is Don Julio premium tequila, whatever that is (I’m not a drinker). The contestants are instructed to pair a dish to the tequila they choose. Several of the chefs express the same concern that the degree of alcohol in tequila creates pairing problems. Some of them come up with genuinely creative dishes, though. Overall, this is a nifty challenge and even I, a non-drinker, wish I could taste some of the creations.
Tim Love, unlike last week’s mega-obnoxious guest, is quite happy with most of the dishes. The most noteworthy one in terms of appearance is Chris C. His “dish” is really just a raw oyster on top of a shot glass. The stated intent is to duplicate the atmosphere at the beach and this is exactly the compliment he receives from Mr. Love.
Meanwhile, Heather hasn’t truly paired her dish and Moto Chris has burned his chicken. The high and low sides of this challenge are more obvious than normal. Sure enough, Heather and Chris J. are placed on the bottom along with Sarah, whose dish created a strong reaction with the judge. I wasn’t sure if it was positive or not until now. She blames Tim Love in a camera discussion, all but shouting that his palate isn’t advanced enough to appreciate her flavors. There is a non-starter of an argument.
Joining Chris C. on the top are Lindsay, who cooked her dish perfectly, and Ty, who seemed to win in the concept stage. The real surprise is that Chris C. does not win for one of the cleverest dishes of the season to date. Instead, Ty wins and thereby receives $5,000. Alas, he does not earn immunity for his triumph, which truncates the celebration a bit. Still, Ty acted like a pro in the last episode, owning up to mistakes that were not even his own. Karma rewards him with a Quickfire Challenge victory.
The Elimination Challenge is where the fun begins. Padma announces that she hopes that the chefs, currently standing in line formation, hope the person beside them. The reason is because they are being paired into groups as they cook in a…wait for it…game challenge. A beautiful bit of camera work unveils the money shot. Beverly and Heather are paired together by fate. Beverly’s look is passive while Heather’s camera monologue is bitterbitterbitter. Here is the exact combination of teams with their entrees:
Team Boar: Lindsay and Chris C., cooking for Jon Shook
Team Duck: Beverly and Heather, cooking for John Currence
Team Elk: Grayson and Chris J., cooking for Tim Love
Team Quail: Edward and Ty-Lör, cooking for Vinny Dotolo
Team Squab: Paul and Sarah, cooking for Anita Lo
Team Venison: Dakota and Nyesha, cooking for Bryan Caswell
Based upon last week’s published power rankings, Nyesha and Dakota appear to be the best team on paper followed by Paul and Sarah then Grayson and Moto Chris. Beverly and Heather appear to be middle of the pack, while Ed and Ty and Lindsay and Chris C. seem to be the worst pairings. In reality, Ty’s experience with meat helps a great deal with game while the Beverly/Heather duo seems every bit as disastrous as that Kim Kardashian/Kris Humpries wedding that lasted about an hour and a half.
The other judges for this episode are famous chefs who are having their favorite game prepared by the contestants. This is a party Tim Love hosts once a year and I presume these six people are frequent attendees. Bryan Caswell requests the venison dish, Anita Lo solicits squab, Jon Shook begs for boar, John Currence demands duck, Vinny Dotolo calls for quail and Tim Love gets what Tim Love wants, which is elk.
By the 18 minute mark of the episode, the story for the rest of the episode is clear. Beverly and Heather are oil and water. To her credit, Beverly listens to Heather’s requests, acknowledges her logic and (too often) cedes to her demands. Beverly is about to learn the same harsh lesson that Europe did during the 1930s. Appeasement never works. From the start of their shotgun marriage, Heather shamelessly bullies her smaller counterpart into creating the meal she wants, one that isn’t quite “so Asian." Classy.
The aspect of their bickering that engrosses me as a viewer is that the other duos frequently have their eyes wander to Beverly and Heather. Their relationship is so contentious that in the middle of a cooking competition that will define the careers of several participants, they cannot ignore the drama. This is exactly the sort of conflict that reality shows such as Jersey Shore and Bravo TV’s own Real Housewives of Beverly Hills expend so much effort to fake. The situation only grows more chilling when Beverly reveals that she was in a relationship so abusive that one day she simply packed up what she could and left town. Heather’s vile behavior is forcing this woman to re-live her worst life experience. This is not the reason I watch Top Chef. There is a genuinely uncomfortable element to tonight’s episode.
The methodology for the first six courses is that each team prepares their meal for the judges in a randomly determined order. There is a catch, too. The other contestants will determine the three teams who will be up for elimination, making this something of a popularity contest. This is another bad sign for Beverly and Heather since the former woman is not particularly popular while the latter woman has leveled up into Bond villainy territory over the past few days. She is making her opponents wish that Marcel Vigneron were there instead. I swear to God. Marcel.
Chris C. and Lindsay are the first ones to go in front of the judges with their boar dish. It doesn’t go perfectly as not all the meat is cooked through but they are fortunate in that they have enough of it to provide a full cut to the judges. The roasted wild boar with kohlrabi slaw and faro fried rice is well received although not much beloved. Tom summarizes it thusly, “It’s a nice plate of food, just not exciting.” They are probably safe although they may wind up with one of the bottom three teams if a couple of the other duos deliver delicious meals. With six teams, 50% of the players involved will be on the bottom this week.
Heather must have pissed off the camera crew every bit as much as the other players as her every atrocity is highlighted. The logical outcome of this is a five-spice duck breast dish featuring creamy polenta pickled cherries that is much more Heather’s decision than Beverly’s. One humorous moment leading to this result involves Heather berating Beverly. Then, she finishes with the statement that the two of them would “have to compromise." Heather’s definition of compromise is getting her way in every manner possible. What will be funny is if they wind up on the bottom (an almost certain eventuality), Heather will blame Beverly for the dish. Heather is a 100% out of control raging bitch. Also, her duck sucks.
The problem that Grayson and Moto Chris face is an unimaginable one for her but one that has become his constant this season. Chris allows his imagination to get the better of him. He embarks upon a complicated sweet potato chain. He claims he has done this a hundred times before, which would make for a terrible Top Chef decision in and of itself. Originality is an imperative in the competition. Worse yet, he discovers that the links of the chain are too weak. His sweet potato dish will not work.
Instead, Chris produces a sweet potato rectangle with a solitary sweet potato fry inside. Grayson finds the appearance of it ghastly as do the judges. Padma’s plate hasn’t even hit the table yet before she criticizes the appearance of the dish. Fortunately, their juniper roasted elk and bouquet of citrus greens prove popular and given that this is a game challenge, they should be safe, albeit one of the bottom teams. Moto Chris is his own worst enemy and his mistake has placed Grayson in danger as well. This is the precarious nature of a double elimination challenge where a single team goes home. A great chef may be jeopardized by someone else’s incompetence.
The surprise of the episode, a scary one for me personally, is that Dakota and Nyesha do not have a smooth run in the kitchen. To the contrary, Nyesha cedes the responsibility of cooking the venison to Dakota. And Dakota winds up in the weeds. The dish cooks nowhere near as quickly as she had anticipated. Nyesha has been vigilant with her time updates, but the problem is out of either player’s hands. The constant opening and closing of the oven by all the contestants has prevented it from sustaining heat. Regular cooking times are out the window.
The judges quickly acknowledge that the meat is too rare but that the dish is otherwise delicious. My favorite team is in a lot of trouble for the inverse reason as Grayson and Moto Chris. This is a game preparation challenge and the one aspect they messed up is the critical portion.
Paul and Sarah do not have a smooth run, either. Sarah messes up sausage, a protein she states that she cooks every day. She is furious with herself but even more alarmed by the thought that her incompetence could send Paul home, which is commendable of her. For his part, Paul is focused on an even larger issue. He does not want both Texas chefs sent home from Top Chef: Texas in the same challenge.
Ed and Ty live the dream of every Top Chef contestant. Their pairing performs perfectly. There are no major hiccups and they deliver a delicious looking dish of sorghum quail with pickled cherries and eggplant. As Tim Love quickly states, “the quail shines." There is absolutely no doubt regarding who will be winning this round; Padma confirms this when she requests only team at Judges Table. Ed and Ty win the challenge and earn $5,000 each.
The fun begins when the six teams must decide which half of them will be forced to defend themselves at Judges Table. Paul steps up and states that Heather and Beverly, Grayson and Moto Chris and Nyesha and Dakota are the three obvious choices. It is clever of him to get out in front of the others in hard defining the bottom of the group as he clearly will not name himself, but Paul strikes me as an above board player. I believe he is not playing games here.
Eventually, a hand vote is performed. Grayson and Moto Chris are unanimous selections while most (but shockingly not all) people select Heather and Beverly. Finally, about two thirds of the participants name Nyesha and Dakota. Based on this straw poll, Grayson and Moto Chris are in trouble as long as Heather does not blow up at Judges Table.
Oddly, Grayson and Heather start bickering with each other rather than defending themselves and their teams. Heather is once again vile. My primary thought in watching the episode is whether Heather is somewhere else in the world right now thinking, “God, I’m heinous” or “Grayson is such a brat”. If it is the latter, there is little hope for her as a human being.
Heather blows up at Judges Table.
Heather is the worst casting choice in the history of Top Chef.
The judges deliver an indictment of all the contestants during Tom Colicchio’s back-handed slap toward Heather. After she hilariously states that they should not be there, she adds that the reason for their presence must be that they were on the top during the last challenge. Tom quickly states that the three teams chosen are exactly the ones who deserve to be there. Moto Chris’ sweet potato and Dakota’s raw venison are the reasons for them. The problem with Beverly and Heather’s dish is that A) the duck wasn’t crispy and B) it felt less like a dish and more like a collection of ingredients. This is the statement that causes Beverly to lose her damn mind.
As expected, Heather blames Beverly for everything. She assails the smaller woman for her lack of work ethic, particularly in the previous challenge. Obviously, this has nothing to do with the current situation. It is also wildly offensive. I am heartened by the fact that Dakota, Grayson *and* Nyesha, all of whom could be sent home tonight, vocally disagree with this assessment. Nyesha in particular provides a vociferous defense of Beverly. Heather’s behavior is frankly grounds for her dismissal from the show independent of her cooking. Bullying of this level is legally actionable.
The shock is that Heather and Beverly are not the ones sent home. As Tom states, the personality conflict between the two women is irrelevant to their cooking and their cooking is not the worst. As I had feared all along, messing up the game in a game challenge is a fatal mistake. Dakota and Nyesha, two of the coolest chicks in the history of the show, are eliminated in infuriating fashion, thereby allowing the Beverly/Heather conflict to continue. This is an abomination.
“All Dakota had to do was cook the venison properly. That should never happen at this level.” – Nyesha, bluntly stating the cause for her team’s elimination
“I thought the entire dish was delicious. I liked the components. But this was a game challenge and that venison was really, really undercooked.” –Tom Colicchio, once again positively describing a dish that has led to an elimination
Power rankings after episode 7:
1) Paul
While his team was up for elimination last week, Paul was clearly not to blame for any of the issues. Sarah acknowledged that they were all of his doing. He also demonstrated natural leadership in biting the bullet and starting the debate over which teams should be voted on the bottom. There is a lot to like about Paul personally and professionally.
2) Edward
After struggling to win his chef’s coat, Edward has proven to be a capable chef with a true gift for plating. While he had an unfair advantage with the game challenge last week (his restaurant holds a bi-annual game night), he and Ty still knocked it out of the park. Compare that to someone like Sarah, who states that she makes sausage every day yet she struggles in the heat of an elimination challenge. Edward’s combination of skill and desire has moved him up in the competition.
3) Ty
Ty moves up quite a bit this week for three reasons. The first is that he won the Quickfire. The second is that his team won the Elimination Challenge. And the third is that he comported himself with grace and dignity for the second straight episode, which is more than I can say for most of the competitors last week.
4) Grayson
Yes, Grayson’s team was close to elimination last week. The fact that they stuck around is a tribute to her since Moto Chris was dead wood during that challenge. Her behavior was a bit odd in front of the judges as she corrected Chris in an artificial way and asked him to hide their displeasure to the other contestants. I am not reading much into this quite yet, but this was unexpected side of her that bears further study.
5) Lindsay
In addition to demonstrating natural leadership in the kitchen, Lindsay continues to comport herself well during challenges. The problem is that while she has won a Quickfire, her elimination results are all low to middle. Until that changes, it is difficult to label her a serious contender.
6) Beverly
I am almost uncomfortable discussing her given last week’s voyeuristic nightmare of an episode. What I can say for certain is that she will feel more pressure than any other competitor over the next few challenges as she attempts to show how unfairly she has been judged by Heather. I think I speak for everyone reading this when I say that if there is any justice, Heather gets eliminated before Beverly.
7) Chris Crary
There were two positives for Chris last week. The first is that his beach drink looked wonderful and was complimented for its exact purpose. The second is that his team finished second in the elimination challenge. He may have found his footing on Top Chef.
8) Sarah
She finished on the bottom in both phases of last week’s challenge. She simply has not done enough to distinguish herself yet. Still, after a shaky start wherein she demonstrated poor behavior with Keith, Sarah did show a lot of class in worrying about Paul’s fate more than her own last week.
9) Chris Jones aka Moto Chris
After an episode of good cooking and wise decision making, Chris was up to his old tricks last week. He wanted to do something epic and the tragic miscalculation almost led to Grayson’s elimination as well as his own.
10) Heather
I don’t care if she proves to be a better chef than Iron Chef Morimoto, she will never be ranked higher than last place again this season. Actions matter. Hers are universally deplorable.