TiVoPlex
TiVoPlex
By John Seal
December 5, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 12/6/11
8:45 AM Turner Classic Movies
Between Midnight and Dawn (1951 USA): Straight from the police procedural mold comes this above average Columbia second feature about a a pair of L.A. beat cops. The flatfoots are idealistic Rocky (Mark Stevens) and deeply cynical Dan (Edmond O’Brien), a prowl car team fascinated by the dulcet tones of dispatcher Kate Mallory (Gale Storm). The two compete for the hand of the attractive Kate, who eventually succumbs to Dan’s charms despite her reluctance to hitch up with a guy who puts his life on the line every time he goes to work. And sure enough, tragedy strikes, leaving Rocky with the task of revenging his partner’s death. Filled with snappy banter and snappier hats, Between Midnight and Dawn co-stars Roland Winters, Myron Healey, and the delightfully named Fred Shellac.
11:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Dangerous Days of Kiowa Jones (1966 USA): Here’s a very rarely seen pilot for a TV show that never happened. Wagon Train regular Robert Horton headlines as the title character, a drifter delivering two bad men to jail in accord with the wishes of a dying sheriff. I’ve never seen this film (and regular readers know how little I care for westerns), but an excellent supporting cast - including Sal Mineo, Nehemiah Persoff, Royal Dano, and Harry Dean Stanton - make this an intriguing option.
Wednesday 12/7/11
1:15 AM Fox Movie Channel
Along Came a Spider (1970 USA): This one failed to materialize on Fox last month, but here it is on the schedule once again. Surely www.foxmoviechannel.com wouldn’t lie to me a second time? To reiterate:
Here’s an above average made-for-TV movie with an excellent cast. Suzanne Pleshette, quite the sex symbol in her day (well, my father lusted after her), stars as Janet Furie, widow of scientist David (Lex Johnson). Janet strongly suspects that David’s colleague Martin Becker (Ed Nelson) is responsible for her husband’s death, and hatches a devious plot to get her revenge - namely, disguising herself as another woman and making his professional and personal life as miserable as possible (or worse). Also on hand: Andrew Prine as a family friend and Richard Anderson as the D.A.
3:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Zigzag (1970 USA): George Kennedy stars as a dying man scheming to leave his family in sound financial shape after he’s diagnosed with a brain tumor. George is Paul Cameron, who frames himself for a murder-kidnapping and sets things up so wife Jean (Anne Jackson) can get the reward money. Seems like a great plan - until Paul’s diagnosis changes, and he realizes he’s not going to die after all! This forgotten suspenser makes its widescreen television debut this evening and co-stars Eli Wallach as well as Blacula himself, William Marshall.
Thursday 12/8/11
2:00 AM More Max
Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1993 USA): Cheesefest ahoy! Though not as much fun as AIP’s 1957 fifty-foot woman, this made-for-TV remake sticks close to the original template, right down to the opening scene in which Nancy Archer (Daryl Hannah) and hubby Harry (Daniel Baldwin) set up the story by having an argument in the middle of nowhere. After an encounter with space aliens (lurking off-stage during the lovers’ spat), Nancy begins to grow...and grow...and grow, until she finally reaches the titular height, at which point she starts wreaking havoc in the California desert. It would probably make more sense to wreak havoc in a major metropolitan area, but sometimes you go to production with the story you have, not the story you want.
12:30 PM Showtime
The Eclipse (2009 IRE): Director-writer Conor McPherson’s The Eclipse is almost impossible to classify: blending elements of drama, romantic comedy, and horror, it offers appeal to a wide range of film fans. It stars Ciaran Hinds as Michael Farr, a world-weary widower raising two children alone after his wife’s untimely death. Michael is a full-time woodworks teacher, amateur writer, and volunteer at the annual literary festival in his home town of Cobh, County Cork. With the festival underway once again, he’s called upon to transport and care for several of the writers in attendance.
One of his clients is American novelist Nicholas Hodges (Aidan Quinn); another is British writer Lena Morelle (High Fidelity’s Iben Hjejle), who’s previously been involved with Nicholas and has unwittingly committed adultery with him. Nicholas is eager to pick up where they left off, Lena less so, and Michael completes the triangle by bonding with Lena, whose tales of the supernatural resonate with the nightmare-stricken Irishman.
While the cast are excellent, The Eclipse wouldn’t work as well as it does without Fionnuala Ni Chiosain’s elegiac score. Relying primarily on piano and strings, Ni Chiosain’s music never overwhelms the proceedings and supplies touches of dread dissonance during the film’s tensest moments. It’s all shot beautifully by cinematographer Ivan McCullough, who takes full advantage of picturesque Cobh locations without resorting to the postcard-perfect laziness that frequently hobbles Irish films (think Waking Ned Devine). Also airs at 3:30 PM.
10:30 PM Sundance
Septien (2010 USA): I’m usually pretty leery about contemporary American indies, but this one’s a cut above the rest. Directed by Michael Tully and shot on a shoestring in Tennessee, Septien tells the episodic tale of three very odd redneck brothers. It sounds like a recipe for a Harmony Korine mumblecore joint - in fact, the film even stars Harmony’s wife Rachel - but the film is considerably more ambitious than, for example, Trash Humpers. Tully’s stated goal was to create a unique blend of southern Gothic (ala Tennessee Williams), horror, and TV Movie of the Week-histrionics, to which I can only say - job well done.
Friday 12/9/11
6:30 PM Showtime
Rubber (2009 FRA): And if Septien wasn’t weird enough for you, consider this little gem. Rubber is an absurdist comedy directed by French polymath Quentin Dupieux, otherwise known as techno musician Mr. Oizo. (Presumably any resemblance to Exit Through the Gift Shop’s Thierry Guetta, aka Mr. Brainwash, is purely coincidental).
Dupieux previously produced Nonfilm, a movie in which the lead character is an actor playing a character in a film within Nonfilm who accidentally kills the film within Nonfilm’s crew but carries on production regardless, even though he has neither a script nor a camera with which to do so. Got that?
Rubber explores similar meta-territory. A car meanders slowly down a desert road, methodically knocks over two dozen folding chairs, and comes to a halt. The trunk pops open, and out clambers Police Lieutenant Chad (two-time Tony Award-winner Stephen Spinella, a long way indeed from Angels in America).
Looking directly into the camera, Chad breaks the fourth wall and poses a series of questions about the nature of cinema. Why is E.T. brown? Why did the characters in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre never wash their hands or go to the bathroom? Why, in Oliver Stone’s J.F.K., was President Kennedy assassinated by a complete stranger? In each case, the answer is the same: no reason. And then the real story - about an animate tire with a lust for killing - gets underway.
As this prologue makes clear, “all great films contain an element of no reason”, which probably means that Rubber is the greatest film ever made. I absolutely adore its Theatre of the Absurd pretensions, and if you’re an admirer of Eugene Ionesco, Samuel Beckett, or Spike Milligan, you probably will, too. Also airs at 9:30 PM.
Saturday 12/10/11
1:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
The Slams (1973 USA): Here’s a real find: a forgotten black action semi-classic, long unaired on television and never available on home video. Ex-football star Jim Brown stars as Curtis Hook, a con doing time in the big house for robbery. His fellow inmates are eager to help Curtis escape, but there’s a catch: he must reveal where the proceeds of his last job - a cool $1.5 million - are stashed, and to complicate matters further the hiding place is scheduled for imminent demolition (shades of Thuderbolt and Lightfoot). Amongst the supporting cast is Ted ‘Lurch’ Cassidy as cellmate Glover, Judy Pace as Curtis’s long-suffering gal pal Iris, and Dick Miller as a taxi driver. Well, it was either that or a bit part as a prison guard, I suppose! Sadly, The Slams seems likely to air in pan and scan tonight, but this is a case where beggars definitely can’t be choosers.
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Bomba and the Hidden City (1950 USA): Bomba number four sees our hero (as always, Johnny Sheffield) try to restore lovely Princess Leah (Carrie Fisher - er, sorry, Sue England) to the throne stolen from her by dastardly usurper Hassan (Paul Guilfoyle). It’s everything you expect from a Monogram bill-filler, and less.
Monday 12/12/11
5:15 AM HBO Signature
Que Pena tu Vida (2009 CHI): I haven’t seen this Chilean comedy yet, but according to IMDb it was released on the US festival circuit as Fuck My Life. I’m having a hard time believing this. Is it legal to release a film in the United States with the ‘F’ word in the title? And no, SWF doesn’t count.
5:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
A Christmas Carol (1951 GB): Well, that took long enough. I’ve waited ten years for TCM to re-air this version of Charles Dickens’ Yuletide classic, and now, thankfully, the long wait is over. This is the definitive version of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, with Alastair Sim perfectly cast as Scrooge, Michael Hordern as Marley’s Ghost, Mervyn Johns and Hermione Baddeley as the Cratchits, and Hattie Jacques as Mrs. Fezziwig. You know the story, so no precis is necessary - just take my word that this is better than that horrible version with Kelsey Grammer.