The Amazing Race Recap
By Daron Aldridge
November 28, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
First, thank you to David and Kim for keeping you up to speed on all things Amazing and Race related while I was away. As always, they outdo my efforts. Here are few points from the episodes I missed:
I was as happy as I was in Disney World to learn that the Father of the Year (1953) Laurence has been eliminated from my TV. I actually will miss Zac but the lad’s likability wasn’t enough to counteract the extreme distaste I had for Pops. That would only be matched by my desire for Ernie to see the light before shackling himself to Cindy in matrimony.
The rise of Team NFL Amani & Marcus Pollard brings me as much joy. I have wanted them to succeed since the beginning and David’s relentless cheering in the last two recaps has proven effective.
I would have dominated the spinning puzzle task in Legoland thanks to years of practice conditioning myself spinning the Mad Tea Party as fast as possible to amuse my kids.
You were spared my undoubted overuse of Jean Claude van Damme movie titles spread throughout the bodybuilding task. So here goes: “I don’t think I would have had the ‘Lionheart’ to go through with that challenge. It would have been quite a ‘Bloodsport’ because the audience would have gouged out their eyes upon seeing me in a Speedo. That getup gives you ‘Nowhere to Run’ and nowhere to hide. Getting a twelve on that task proved to be quite the ‘Hard Target’ to earn on the first attempt but the Pollards did it.” Ok, I’m done. Thanks for tolerating my childish compulsion.
Now that such silliness of recapping recaps is out of the way, how’s about some power rankings:
Team Dude Andy & Tommy: Despite a third place finish at the last proper Pitstop, they are still the team to beat. Exhibit A – The way they worked together seamlessly on the Legoland puzzle task. (Hehehehe…I am still laughing from last week’s recap when David had the brainchild, patent pending toy-in-development Puzzlor modeled after Team Dude.)
Team NFL Amani & Marcus: They turned it on at the right time and even though it was kind of a Pitstop psych-out, they were still first and have a prize to prove it. I believe they can keep this mojo going that we have been waiting for all season. Besides, they had to win at least one time because not all the Colts should be winless this season. [rimshot] Let’s make it two first place finishes, Pollards.
Engaged & enraged/entitled Ernie & Cindy: It breaks my heart they are still in the race or rather that she is. The fact that she passive-aggressively points out that Ernie was the reason they didn’t complete the bodybuilding task the first time speaks volumes. And those volumes are all in the newly released book series: “Run, Ernie, Run.” I hate myself for doing it but I think they will make it to the final three and that any time penalty for their train ticket mess up will not bite them in the keister. I have no faith that karma will paid back this leg.
Grandparents Bill & Cathi: Here’s the team I undersold at the outset and regret it because they are just as likeable as Teams Dude and NFL in my book. If they can eke by Ernie & his not-so-better half, then I will be watching a final three that pleases me no matter who wins. I just hope they get ahead of them this leg and push the engaged couple down a peg.
Team Test Drive Jeremy & Sandy: What’s to say about them that hasn’t already been said? Nothing, because there is really nothing noteworthy about them at all. I am not actively cheering for or against them. That’s not an endorsement to the casting agent that scouted them out for the race. Maybe I should just dub them Team Apathy, as in my apathy toward them and not necessarily toward each other. They are mediocre racers whose time here may be up...but I don’t care one way or another.
All right, let’s pick up where we left off: Amani & Marcus are in first place and are the only ones that know that they are still racing. Ernie & Cindy are en route to Phil, as are Jeremy & Sandy. Sadly (for anyone who likes nice people, that is), Team Dude and Ma & Pa are still trying to master the flexing and posing intricacies of Belgium bodybuilding.
Team NFL rips out their unexpected clue and is pointed to the Ford Proving Grounds for their next task. As Marcus expresses his desire to keep fighting for that first place finish, the engaged couple show up to receive the same news. Ernie’s facial expression in reaction to Phil’s “However…” leads me to believe that he wouldn’t have been surprised if they were penalized for the train ticket snafu.
It may be the exhaustion talking but Sandy mispronounces the word “proving” when reading the clue. This may be the most memorable thing she has done outside of correcting pig Laurence that she sews up bodies and not clothing. Man, I don’t miss that jerk.
Team Dude finally gets the bare minimum of points to proceed from the bodybuilding task, as do Bill & Cathi. They are both in last but there is still too much racing ahead to count either of them out. Thanks to the language barrier and the lack of a working printer at the place they stopped for directions, Amani & Marcus get passed by Ernie & Cindy, who show up first at the Roadblock/Ford Mustang commercial.
In what is possibly the most fun-looking challenge ever on the show, the team member must take a Mustang on the driving grounds and perform three tests satisfactorily: Reach 100 mph and brake to a given spot; slalom through a series of cones in under 16 seconds; and do a double donut victory lap.
Without hesitation, Ernie accepts this Roadblock. These last couple of legs have really highlighted his egotistical side. So, maybe they are a better match they we initially thought. Cindy gives us a peek at her deductive brilliance at the Roadblock. Our Miss Marple here says she "thinks" they are the first team, “judging on the setup of the outfits, the cars and number of clues.” WOW, I am really glad she explained her highly developed analysis of the situation to us at home. We’re kinda…um…slow…and stuff…SQUIRREL.
On the way to the task portion of the Roadblock, a test driver drives Ernie through other portions of the track. Even Jim Carrey would be telling Ernie to not mug so much for the camera during this test drive.
The snowboarders hit the mat and get the clue. They are quite stoked to still be in it. Equally stoked are Bill & Cathi, who just offered their race eulogy during the cab ride to the Pitstop. They assumed they were eliminated but we know the truth. As Cathi says, “Hot diggity.”
Ernie completes the 100 mph/braking portion of the Roadblock on the first try but is too slow on the slalom portion. There is no real pressure yet as he’s only one there at this point. Amani & Marcus have squandered their lead and lost their momentum. Lost and clueless, they ask another person for directions and think they are now heading to the right spot.
It’s time for the Ernie slalom blooper reel. He estimates that he had to do the slalom 15 times. This brings joy to my heart. Meanwhile, Jeremy is suited up as the second team to take on the Roadblock. He completes the first part easily as well but now it becomes a waiting game as the teams must take turns on the slalom portion. That unnerves Ernie some and makes me smile some.
My smile disappears when practice x 15 pays off for Ernie on the slalom and he is the first one to complete the Roadblock. But Jeremy only needed one practice on the slalom. They are neck-and-neck on their way to the next clue in Gent, Belgium.
Speaking of neck-and-neck, Marcus and Tommy are suiting up simultaneously for their teams. Andy is extremely bummed that it was Tommy’s turn for the Roadblock and he is disappointed in himself that the jealousy was so strong. Amani didn’t exactly seem to be clamoring for the adrenaline rush.
Like the two before them, both Marcus and Tommy have no issue with the first task but both need another turn on the slalom. With Bill starting the Roadblock as they are rejoining their team mates, the race is quite close. Unfortunately, the three teams bunched at the back are all the ones I want to stay in the race.
I am really getting tired of writing this but Ernie & Cindy are the first team at the next clue. It’s a Belgian-rrific Detour. The options are Water or Waffles. For Water, they have to use materials (barrels, sticks and rope) to build a raft and then paddle down a waterway looking for two halves of the next clue. For Waffles, they have to build a waffle stand and then bake and decorate 18 waffles to the chef’s approval.
Waffles are on the menu for Ernie & Cindy and they are joined shortly by Jeremy & Sandy. A tinge of self-awareness creeps in for Ernie as they are looking at the decorated finished waffles in the example. He says, “I really feel like I could do this quite effectively but you never really can tell until you get in the booth with Cindy.” Now multiply that 20-fold and you have enough justification to know you need to run away…like now.
As he predicted, Cindy does more questioning why he’s doing things certain ways and less time actually doing anything constructive. She'd better focus because the Pollards and snowboarders are now at the Detour but they won’t be seeing Team Dude, who has chosen Water. They only see Amani & Marcus for a minute as they see the difficulty the others are having on Waffles and do a course correction to the Water task.
Pretty soon, the raft construction is well under way and the waffles are burning. Andy & Tommy once again prove to be the model of teamwork. They finish building while the married couple is about halfway done. With a seaworthy raft under their bums they locate the first half of the clue.
Ernie & Cindy are denied the clue on their first attempt but get it on the second attempt. They get their clue first but it is only by inches as Team Dude sails ashore with both of their clue pieces. Amani & Marcus and Jeremy & Sandy are fighting to be the next ones to leave. But the water is proving difficult to navigate for Team NFL and the dating couple has a dim future in waffle making.
Bill & Cathi are the last team to arrive and they pull an Amani & Marcus by immediately switching to Water before even attempting to build the waffle stand. Smart move by both teams. You know what’s not a smart move? Sandy once again getting flustered and willing to give up on task they are so close to completing. Jeremy resists this urge to change and they finally figure out two waffles are just in the wrong spot. Even though they get their clue, the editors want us to believe that Bill & Cathi are still viable in the race. As much as I want to, I am just not buying it.
Our engaged team get the next clue that instructs them to release a coop of homing pigeons and then proceed to the address the birds are heading to. Then find the pigeon with the final clue attached to its leg. The snowboarders are not far behind them as team number two.
Team Dude relies upon a local who points them back toward Brussels and Ernie & Cindy are lost. This allows Andy & Tommy to get their pigeon clue first, which includes a very tiny picture of a popular spot in Brussels, the Atomium. It’s a giant rendering of the atomic structure of iron. With an assist from some Belgian youngsters, the snowboarders are heading to the Pitstop.
Fortuitously, Jeremy & Sandy are not only the second team to get their pigeon clue but Jeremy immediately remembers seeing the Atomium in Brussels. Also, fortuitously (for me at least), Ernie & Cindy’s poor navigation is causing some lashing out and profane outbursts from Ernie. After vague directions from a restaurant worker, they learn they drove 30 minutes in the wrong direction. Captain Obvious Cindy once again explains to us Amazing Race laymen that “I hope we don’t come in last because 30 minutes is kind of a big deal.”
Alas, Bill & Cathi haven’t released the pigeons yet.
Andy & Tommy gleefully hit the mat in first place and are awarded with a pair of new Mustangs. I am once again justified in my power ranking and pleased with this result.
Meanwhile, Ernie & Cindy get their clue, as do Amani & Marcus. I smell a producer plant because they get an assist about what the picture is of by the same local man. Unless the sun is setting at that very rapid pace, these two teams have to be about 20 minutes apart. We will see if that is enough to catch up to Jeremy & Sandy who are still looking for the Atomium.
Oh yeah, Bill & Cathi STILL haven’t released the pigeons yet.
This is completely anticlimactic because not only have all the others done the first part of the pigeon task, they have done the last part as well. Well, let’s just cut to the formality of the Pitstop placement. We have Jeremy & Sandy as team number two and Ernie & Cindy as team number three. To answer the looming question, they are not penalized for the lost train ticket. This doesn’t make me happy but I think that they knew any penalty would be useless since Bill & Cathi are clearly the ones going home.
Amani & Marcus hit the mat securely in fourth.
We don’t see the grandparents even touch another clue, let alone a pigeon, so they must have gotten the news to head directly to the Pitstop. They are last and eliminated. Bill offers this truly sweet sentiment, “It was one more chance to be with my best friend and do some really special things in the world. I would do it all over again…same person…same way.”
Next week, such sweetness is absent as the teams scramble through Panama for a spot in the final three. See you then and have a great one this week.