This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for November 23, 2011
By Curt David
November 23, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For Thanksgiving weekend, the movies in wide release are Arthur Christmas, Hugo, and The Muppets.
| Arthur Christmas | Hugo | The Muppets | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | Sounds like this year's first Christmas movie. | Sounds like a name of a noun or something. | SOUNDS LIKE THE MUPPETS ARE BACK IN THEATERS!?!?! | I love the muppets. I don't foresee the other films getting any points this column. (Kermit is my favorite muppet.) |
| Best Genre and Rating | Animation: Rated PG for some rude humor. | Adventure: Rated PG for mild thematic material, some action/peril and smoking. | Comedy: Rated PG for some mild rude humor. | Three films for kids. I'll let each movie get 1/3 point, despite my bias towards The Muppets. (Actually, Animal is my favorite muppet.) |
| Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | "Ever wonder how 2 Billion presents get delivered all in one night." Actually, I did wonder that. Intriguing. 2/5 | "One of the most legendary directors of our time takes you on an extraordinary adventure." I'm not sure that counts as a tagline. 2/5 | "Muppet domination Nov. 23". I'm not sure that's a tagline, but this movie doesn't need one! 2/5 | So there weren't the best taglines this week. I'll give each movie a 1/3 point again. (Actually, The Swedish Chef is my favorite muppet.) |
| Best Part of Trailer | It's about Santa Claus and I like Santa Claus. | That is one epic children's movie! | It's the frickin' muppets! | Oh my gosh, I really just wanted to give The Muppets another point, but all three trailers were amazing. 1/3 point each. (Actually, Beaker is my favorite muppet.) |
| Coolest Lead Actor | James McAvoy (his voice) from X-Men: First Class, Wanted, and The Chronicles of Narnia. | Asa Butterfield from The Boy in the Striped Pajamas and Nanny McPhee returns. | Jason Segel from How I Might Your Mother and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. | Jason barely wins this point. (Actually, Miss Piggy is my favorite muppet.) |
| Best Cast | The voices of Hugh Laurie, Bill Nighy, Laura Linney, Eva Longoria, Andy Serkis, Dominic West, and Joan Cusack. | Ben Kingsley (Gandhi), Jude Law (Sherlock Holmes), Chloe Moretz (Kick Ass), and Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) | Amy Adams (Enchanted), Chris Cooper (American Beauty), Rashida Jones (Parks and Recreation), at least ten other famous humans, and at least 15 of the most famous Muppets. | It'd be a tie all around if we just went by humans, but the best and historically most famous cast is The Muppets. (Actually, Pepe the King Prawn is my favorite muppet.) |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Writer Peter Baynhan also wrote Arthur, Borat, and Bruno. | Director Martin Scorsese also directed Goodfellas, The Departed, Shutter Island, and Taxi Driver. | Director James Bobin also directed The Flight of the Concords and Da Ali G show. | Weird - Sacha Baron Cohen connection in all three films. Scorsese has to win best street cred. (Actually, Gonzo and Camilla the Chicken are my favorite muppets.) |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Muppets scores 4 points, Hugo scores 2 points, and Arthur Christmas scores 1 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch what is most likely an awesome movie, feel free to watch Hugo. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Muppets is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Actually, Statler and Waldorf (the old grumpy guys) are my favorite muppets.
Conclusion 3: Random story. In college, when AOL Instant Messenger was popular, I use to have the Monday Away Message Contest, where my away message would say, "Be the nth person to answer this question and win a prize." And I would have 40 - 60 people a week play my game and I would return home and my computer screen would be filled with instant messages. Sometimes I would have death match tournaments, where each week you would vote on which character would win in a death match, and then that character would move along to the next week's bracket. Long story long, I once had a Muppet Death Match and the contestants in the quarterfinals were Miss Piggy, Kermit, Gonzo, Animal, Beaker, Rizzo the Rat, Fozzie Bear, and Scooter. And Miss Piggy and Animal (who were seeded one and two) made it to the finals, where Animal won the entire death match. End of story.