This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for September 23, 2011
By Curt David
September 23, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com

He's about to perfect nature's greatest killing machine
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Oklahoma, Sweet Home Alabama, and Gangs of New York- all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Dear Catherine Zeta-Jones, you even got me to go watch the musical Chicago).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of September 23rd, the movies in wide release are Abduction, Dolphin Tale, Killer Elite, and Moneyball.



Abduction Dolphin Tale Killer Elite Moneyball WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleSounds like someone's getting kidnapped Sounds like it will star a cute dophin Sounds like an action movie Sounds like a book about baseball All four titles are pretty clear, you'll probably see an abduction, a dolphin, killing, or baseball statistics. All the movies will split the point
Best Genre
and Rating		Action:

Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, brief language, some sexual content and teen partying 		Inspirational:

Rated PG for some mild thematic elements 		Action:

Rated R for strong violence, language and some sexuality/nudity 		Sport Drama:

Rated PG-13 for some strong language 		The two non-action movies will split the point for having more unique genres this week.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"The fight for the truth will be the fight of his life."

Meh

1/5 		"Based on the amazing true story of Winter"

A little bit better than meh.

2/5 		"May the best man live"

Better. It'd be the perfect tagline if it was about groomsmen assassins

2/5 		"What are you really worth?"

Interesting, because the strategy to get the best ball players is based on calculations

3/5 		Not the best week in the tagline department- Moneyball barely wins.
Best Part of Trailer30 seconds of the 2 minute trailer were edge of my seat awesome. The other 3/4ths? Meh. Makes you tear up, but in that man-acceptable Extreme Makeover: Home Edition kind of way. Typical extreme action trailer...don't know how this one is based on a true story, though. Very good trailer, got goosebumps at the end when the underdog team began to show promise. Moneyball and Dolphin Tale hit their trailers out of the ballpark and ocean, respectively.
Coolest Lead ActorTaylor Lautner from the Twilight series. 13 year old Nathan Gamble has had little roles in 22 movies. Jason Statham from The Transporter, Crank, and The Italian Job. Brad Pitt from Se7en, Fight Club, and the Ocean's trilogy. So many sixpacks, but that's beside the point. All four actors can split the point for being equally cool.
Best CastSigourney Weaver (Avatar), Alfred Molina (Spiderman 2), and Maria Bello (A History of Violence) Harry Connick Jr (Hope Floats), Ashley Judd (Double Jeopardy), Morgan Freeman (The Dark Knight), and Kris Kristofferson (Blade) Robert De Niro (Goodfellas), Clive Owen (King Arthur), and Dominic Purcell (Prison Break) Jonah Hill (Superbad), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Mission Impossible 3), and Robin Wright (The Princess Bride) Shoot, what's wrong with my decisiveness today, but all the casts seem impressive too... 1/4th of a point all around!
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director John Singleton has also directed Four Brothers, Shaft, and 2 Fast 2 Furious. Writer and Director Charles Martin Smith is also an actor, like in the film American Graffiti. Plus the dolphin with the incredible story in the movie plays itself. This movie was based on the novel The Feather Man, by Ranulph Fiennes Director Bennett Miller has also directed Capote. And the movie is based on the book Moneyball. Holy sweet mother of Pete- I think each movie has an equal amount of street cred too (read Fiennes' wikipedia page). All movies will split the point again.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, it all comes down to a tagline. Moneyball scores 3 points, Dolphin Tale scores 2 points, and Abduction and Killer Elite each score a single point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you have read all the Twilight books, feel free to go watch Abduction. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Moneyball is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: The Oakland Athletics have always been my favorite baseball team, even during my elementary years when they weren't good at all.
Conclusion 3: Team Jacob.