How to Spend $20
By David Mumpower
June 14, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
As many long time readers know, I am an insomniac of the highest order. I rarely fall asleep within the first hour of my head hitting the pillow. Due to this, a lot of my television show acquisitions occur when something is on late at night and I first watch it almost accidentally. The Glades is a perfect example of this in that I am not even sure my wife knows I have been watching it. She sleeps like the dead and misses so much great television because of it.
In the lead up to the debut of season two of The Glades, A&E started airing a fantastic promo clip wherein detective Jim Longworth, the show’s lead, temporarily interrupts a conversation with his girlfriend in order to test a theory. Right on cue, he steps a few feet away from his car then hits the auto-start button. It explodes in spectacular fashion. I must admit that the overt nature of this sequence intrigued me quite a bit, so I loaded the TiVo with several episodes of a recent marathon of The Glades. I’ve seen five of the show’s 15 episodes to date and I liked each one so much that I downgraded my recent attempt to catch up on Covert Affairs in favor of The Glades, a show I’m enjoying much more.
Describing The Glades in a manner that differentiates it from other police procedurals is a bit tricky. As such, I’ll go about this in a different manner. This show feels like a natural successor to the marvelous NBC program, Life with the reason being straightforward. Actor Matt Passmore, who portrays Longworth, forcibly reminds me of Life lead Damian Lewis. And the deaths investigated on this show are just as quirky as the ones from Life. Oddly, there is also a bit of a Pushing Daisies vibe as well. I say this because Lost’s Kiele Sanchez and Passmore portray characters clearly destined to be together and everyone knows it yet circumstances prevent their coupling. In the case of Pushing Daisies, the issue was a potentially fatal outcome from necrophilia. In the case of The Glades, Sanchez’s Callie Cargill is a prison bride. Her husband is incarcerated and she has filed for divorce but her son keeps asking her not to do it. Yes, this is standard television fare but the episodes I’ve seen of The Glades thus far have kept it fresh and engaging.
A&E has a storied track record of impeccable programming. While unheralded as of yet by the mainstream media, The Glades is yet another triumph for them. With season two only a couple of episodes in and the network so willing to show re-runs of prior episodes, you can catch up on the entire arc of the series in a week or two if so inclined. This is what I’m doing and I’ve been quite pleased with the results thus far.
For people looking for an LA fight that doesn’t involve an acrimonious Dodgers divorce: Battle: Los Angeles
Let’s be honest about the fact that Battle: Los Angeles is not well loved by critics. Or anyone else. Roughly four out of every five top critics at Rotten Tomatoes give this project thumbs down and the numbers among my friends and peers aren’t any better. Still, this is exactly the type of cheesy movie that all of us love to hate. It’s a shoot ‘em up where aliens invade and good ol’ boys defend their soul against would be anal probers. The fact that it’s awful means that you won’t love it the way that you (probably) loved District 9. But Battle: Los Angeles has earned $200 million worldwide for a reason. It’s exactly the sort of movie that we want to watch every bit as much as we want to mock it. It’ll be one of the most popular DVD/Blu-Ray releases of the month and at the end of the year, it will make a lot of people’s bottom ten lists for a straightforward reason. Most of us will have watched it. Titles such as this one have an irresistible lure. Their siren song promises hot garbage as the story but with solid special effects and a lot of extreme violence. How can we resist?
For people lacking any pride or self-esteem: Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
There is no lower form of cinema than the fat suit comedy. Even gorno has a more easily understood appeal than this nonsense. Putting a thin person into a costume and then repeatedly making fun of their weight is pathetic. This urge is something we should have outgrown by the time we hit puberty. For some reason, the premise continues to be explored frequently at the movies and the “some reason” is that the insulting outings usually sell tickets. In the case of Big Momma in particular, the first two movies combined for almost $200 million worth of domestic revenue. There are signs of progress with our society in that the loathsome third film managed only $37.9 million, barely half of its predecessor.
Then again, quality may have something to do with the diminishing box office return. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son is quite simply horrific. Only 5% of critics enjoy the movie enough to describe it as passable. Think about that for a moment. Had this movie been comprised of 90 minutes of Piano Cat playing Martin Lawrence’s favorite show tunes, it would have been better received. That’s not even a hyperbolic statement. In fact, my un-researched opinion is that the 5% of critics who do like the movie all have the last name of Lawrence or work for Big Momma, Inc. This movie is god-awful trash and if you do want to rent it, know that Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia and I are quietly judging you.
For people still anxiously awaiting There’s Something about Mary 2: Hall Pass
There was a time when the Farrelly brothers were poised to dominate the realm of Hollywood comedy for an indefinite period. When There’s Something about Mary became one of the least likely $175 million earners in the history of the industry, the world was their oyster. For whatever reason, they never capitalized on their position the way they could have. Yes, they had solid hits with Me, Myself and Irene and Shallow Hal, but There’s Something about Mary proved to be their last $100 million earner. After Undeclared was canceled and Judd Apatow decided he would rather make movies than unwatched television shows, he took his rightful place as the king of Hollywood comedy. The Farrelly brothers hadn’t even worked since their 2007 disappointment, The Heartbreak Kid.
Hall Pass was intended to be their return to prominence. While the movie is harmless fun for the most part, it was not a strong box office performer ($45.0 million domestically) and was not well regarded by critics either. Instead, it’s that dreaded comedy whose best parts are on display in the trailer. Other than that, it’s a somewhat funny film without a lot of impact. It will provide with nice entertainment some evening, but if you’re thinking that the Farrelly brothers are back and better than ever, they are not. There’s Something about Mary continues to be something of a one hit wonder for them.
For people who like gothic romance (which appears to be every woman I know): Red Riding Hood
Twilight meets Alice in Wonderland was presumably the pitch for this one. Its performance reflects the fact that people were less than enthusiastic about such a weird hybrid. Stealing one Reagen Sulewski’s best jokes, “I shouldn’t be!” is applicable here. Twilight meets Alice in Wonderland doesn’t even sound like a quality porn concept. And speaking of Twilight, the dude who plays Kristen Stewart’s dad in those movies is in this. I hope he plays a constantly confused police officer. He’s great at that.
Anyway, the one thing Red Riding Hood does have going for it is the cast. Mamma Mia! star Amanda Seyfried frontlines while Gary Oldman fans will be thrilled to know he is slumming in this as well. Reviews are a hodge podge of okay to less than okay, meaning that this movie is squarely in the middle of the bell curve. Personally, I always found the visuals stimulating, so I plan to watch it in a day or two. If you like Amanda Seyfried or love sick creatures of the night, this project is for you. Note that this description will largely repeat itself in a couple of weeks with the release of Beastly.
New releases for the week of June 14, 2011
DVD:
Battle: Los Angeles (PG-13)
Hall Pass (R)
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (PG-13)
Red Riding Hood (PG-13)
N-Secure (R)
Kill the Irishman (R)
The Concert (PG-13)
MOOZ-lum (PG-13)
Adrift
Alaska State Troopers: Season 2 (Not Rated)
Ambicion & Poder (Not Rated)
American Loggers (Not Rated)
Animal Adaptation (Not Rated)
Animal Builders (Not Rated)
Animal Commuinities (Not Rated)
Animal Defense (Not Rated)
Animal Feeding (Not Rated)
Animal Intelligence (Not Rated)
Animal Migration (Not Rated)
Animal Senses (Not Rated)
Bad Blood: A Cautionary Tale (Not Rated)
Best of the '80s: Knight Rider (Not Rated)
Best of the '80s: Magnum P.I. (Not Rated)
Best of the '80s: Miami Vice (Not Rated)
Best of the '80s: The A-Team (Not Rated)
Betty White: Date With The Angels Collection (Not Rated)
Betty White: Life with Elizabeth Collection (Not Rated)
Big Momma's Collection (Not Rated)
Black in Latin America (Not Rated)
Bob Dylan: Gotta Do My Time (Not Rated)
Bob the Builder: The Big Dino Dig - The Movie (Not Rated)
Brew Masters (Not Rated)
Bruce Springsteen: Between The Lull & The Storm (Not Rated)
Bunny Play Date (Not Rated)
Celebrity Bowling (Not Rated)
Chained (R)
Charles Bronson: Man With A Camera Collection (Not Rated)
Chatroom (R)
Classic Slasher Collection (Not Rated)
A Cold Day In Hell (PG-13)
The Con Artist (R)
The Dark Beginnings of Sherlock Holmes (Not Rated)
Deadly Dolls Triple Feature (Not Rated)
Dean Martin: Best of Dean Martin Variety Show (Not Rated)
Demon King Daimao: The Complete Collection (Not Rated)
Devil Dogs of Nam Collection (Not Rated)
Devil's Harvest Collection (Not Rated)
Dinosaurs: Perfect Predators (Not Rated)
Dr. Who: Frontios (Not Rated)
Dr. Who: Time & The Rani (Not Rated)
Dust of Life (Not Rated)
Fabulous Betty White Collection (Not Rated)
Fall Down Dead (R)
Family Collectors Set Volume 5 (PG)
Family Heritage of Hunting (Not Rated)
First Person Singular: I M Pei (Not Rated)
The Gallants (Not Rated)
Gerald McBoing Boing Collection (Not Rated)
Ghost Stories Collectors Set (Not Rated)
Giant Robot Action Pack: Crack & Burn / Root Wars (Not Rated)
The Glades: The Complete First Season (Not Rated)
Gordon's War / Off Limits
Groupie (Not Rated)
Have a Laugh: Volume 3 (Not Rated)
Have a Laugh: Volume 4 (Not Rated)
Haven: The Complete First Season (Not Rated)
Hero 108: Season 1, Volume 1 (Not Rated)
Hollywood Safari / Secret Of The Andes (Not Rated)
Holst: In The Bleak Midwinter (Not Rated)
House of Payne: Volume 8 (Not Rated)
How to Fold a Flag (Not Rated)
The Image (Not Rated)
Jackass 3.5: The Unrated Movie (R)
Joel Harper's Self Defense & Power Building (Not Rated)
Kassava Restaurants Jerks (Not Rated)
Kids 10 Film Pack (Not Rated)
Kingdom of War: Part 1
Kingdom of War: Part 1 & 2
Kingdom of War: Part 2
Kirk Douglas Collection (Not Rated)
Korea Collection
Korkoro (Not Rated)
La Duda (Not Rated)
Latina Novella (Not Rated)
Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen (R)
The Little Rascals: Vol. 2 (Not Rated)
Living is Winning (Not Rated)
LOL Comedy Presents: Edwin San Juan Pacific Rim (Not Rated)
LOL Comedy Presents: Pride The Gay & Lesbian (Not Rated)
Lord, All Men Can't Be Dogs (Not Rated)
Man v. Food: Season Three (Not Rated)
Marvel Knights: Spider-Woman Agent Of S.W.O.R.D. (Not Rated)
Measure Twice, Cut Once: Essential Building Basics (Not Rated)
Miente (Not Rated)
Monogamy (Not Rated)
The Mother of Invention (Not Rated)
Nature's Cycles (Not Rated)
Night Of The Living Dead / Eat Your Skin (Not Rated)
Norm MacDonald: Me Doing Standup (Not Rated)
Pastor Jones: Sisters In Spirit 1 & 2
Peanuts: Happiness Is... Snoopy's Adventures (Not Rated)
Piper Penguin & His Fantastic Flying Machines (G)
Reefer Madness Collection (Not Rated)
Revolucion (Not Rated)
Satanic Rites Of Dracula / Werewolf Of Washington (Not Rated)
Sergeant Cribb: The Complete Series (Not Rated)
Shot in the Dark
Spongebob Squarepants: Heroes of Bikini Bottom (Not Rated)
Sweet Karma (R)
Triple Hit (Not Rated)
The Uschi Digard Collection (Not Rated)
Vanishing of the Bees
When They Were Young (Not Rated)
When Zachary Beaver Came To Town / Undercover Ange (Not Rated)
Yes: Union (Not Rated)
Yo Gabba Gabba: Circus (Not Rated)
Blu-Ray:
36th Precinct
Battle: Los Angeles
Battle: Los Angeles
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Black in Latin America
The Boondock Saints
The Cincinnati Kid
Dance in the Vampire Bund: The Complete Series
Dance in the Vampire Bund: The Complete Series
Demon King Daimao: The Complete Collection
Hall Pass
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban
Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone
Haven: The Complete First Season
Heavy Metal
The Image
Insignificance
Johnny Mnemonic
Kill the Irishman
Kingdom of War: Part 1 & 2
Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen
Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen
The Makioka Sisters
N-Secure
Point Break
Red Riding Hood
Supernatural: The Complete Second Season
When They Were Young