How to Spend $20
By David Mumpower
June 1, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Pick of the week:
For people who hate character growth and just want television to be entertaining: Psych Season 5
Everyone involved with the production of Psych experienced a strange year. Prior to the start of season five, Psych went on a college tour, and fans of the series passionately embraced the cast and crew. Viral videos of total strangers singing the theme song were frequently relayed on the official Psych site as well as their Facebook page. The show’s popularity had never been higher yet a lot of long time viewers complained about the quality of the first few episodes of season five, stating that Shawn Spencer’s shenanigans had not changed any in four years. They believed that he should have evolved some after a series of murder investigations that had endangered himself as well as his loved ones. In doing so, I maintain that they missed the point. The voyagers of the S.S. Minnow were never going to get off the island, Magnum P.I. was never going to leave Hawaii, and Shawn Spencer was never intended to experience significant personal growth. These are basic television facts. Some series are about the journey while others are about an hour of distraction. Psych falls into the latter category and it’s really freakin’ great at what it does.
To wit, some of the best episodes in the 79 episode run (to date) of Psych occur in season five. Shawn and Gus meet a pair of older gentlemen who seem eerily familiar albeit exponentially crankier in Viagra Falls. Detective Lassiter learns that he can solve crimes much faster when he tap dances in Feet Don’t Kill Me Now. John Michael Higgins teaches the boys about the importance of good manners in Chivalry Is Not Dead…But Someone Is. Freddie Prinze Jr. hunts aliens in Not Even Close…Encounters. And Lost refugee Nestor Carbonell provides a confusing amount of romance to Juliet in a multi-episode story arc that leads to the moment Psych has built toward since the second episode, the romance between Juliet and Shawn. And then there is the Twin Peaks parody/celebration, Dual Spires, that fans of that show assure me is a masterpiece.
In short, Psych demonstrates a remarkable understanding of what it is and what it should be in season five. In the process, it provides a tremendous amount of laughs, even by the already lofty standards of the previous seasons of the show. I voted it in my top three for best television series of the year and was in awe of how consistently it entertained me over the past 12 months. This is highly recommended escapism television.
For those who like their titles great and their movies atrocious: Drive Angry 3D
The title says everything here. Someone sitting in a studio boardroom said, “Gee, I’d sure like some of that Fast and Furious money”. Then, someone else suggested casting Nicolas Cage in the place of Vin Diesel and the conversation got away from them. Critically disliked and genuinely despised by normal movie-goers, Drive Angry 3D is the latest proof that Nicolas Cage must be stopped. Now that he’s broke, he’s gotten even less choosy about his movie scripts, which is akin to Lindsay Lohan determining that what she needs is more negative publicity.
There is one surprising aspect to this conversation, though. For all of the negativity directed at this feature due to its star and its overwhelming lack of imagination, most people do agree that the 3D effects in it are quite good. So, if you have a shiny television and Blu-Ray player capable of showing off the effects, this is a very good cheesy movie option that you can mock incessantly while you proudly display your home theater. Personally, I’d still suggest Avatar, but all of your friends have seen that by now.
For those who like to make up your own ending: Stargate Universe Complete Final Season
Stargate Universe was intended to be the program that filled in the vacuum left by the end of Battlestar Galactica. It had the Stargate bloodlines that had created 15 seasons worth of programming for SyFy and its much better predecessor, The Sci-Fi Channel. It also took the premise of BSG, putting a team of humans in an unending series of new, foreign environments, each of which could prove fatal. They even introduced the premise that another race was stalking them in hopes of eventually exterminating humanity. Combined with a star studded cast (by cable television standards), there was every reason to believe that Stargate Universe would be a network staple for the foreseeable future.
Alas, people were a bit tired of Battlestar Galactica by then, as indicated by the fading ratings of Caprica. That show managed only 800,000 viewers per new episode at the end of its run. And people were even more tired of Stargate after those 15 seasons of roughly the same ideas regurgitated repeatedly. A fresh take on the premise using a blueprint that had been recently triumphant seemed like a smart play on paper, but it failed completely in execution, at least in terms of ratings. Like Caprica, Stargate Universe frequently fell in the 800,000 viewers range during its second season, nowhere near a large enough viewing audience to justify the expense.
This is a shame, because Stargate Universe season two includes a lot of great television. Several of the episodes explore standard science fiction premises from a fresh perspective. Particularly noteworthy is The Hunt, an episode where two members of the crew wind up trapped in the hunting den of a massive creature whose intellect exceeds that of the soldiers trying to save them. Similarly, the concept of time travel is explored when the members of the Destiny meet a group of people who prove to be their great, great, great (etc) grandchildren from a few thousand years later. In this manner, the producers of the show were able to demonstrate a satisfactory lifetime for most of the crew at the point in time when they came to the realization that the series would be cancelled. Alas, they still did not have enough time to map out a satisfying end game, which means that if you want to watch season two in hopes of resolution, you are out of luck. The show almost dares SyFy not to wrap up Stargate Universe with a made for cable movie at some point down the line. Without this, the show will stand as completely undefined in terms of the fate of the crew.
Watching the two seasons of Stargate Universe feels like watching the first two acts of a movie that shows the promise of greatness. Then, the projector tears up and no matter knows what happens in the end. I call this my Avatar movie-going experience, only stretched out for a few more hours. I recommend Stargate Universe as a show and particularly enjoyed season two. Still, you should accept in advance that you will be cliff-hung if you watch it. Blame SyFy.
For Undead Romance Fans (you freaky, freaky perverts): True Blood Season 3
In researching True Blood for this column, I made the discovery that there is now a True Blood beverage. This is the actual description from the official HBO web site: “Sink your fangs into a bottle of Tru Blood, a delicious blood orange carbonated drink inspired by Bill's favorite synthetic blood nourishment beverage. Tart and slightly sweet, Tru Blood pours like a regular soda but appears stormy and mysterious when poured into a glass. Bottoms up - and vampires, remember to drink responsibly!” I think it’s safe to say that this is the single worst product endorsement in the history of merchandising. Still, if one of you brave readers wants to be a guinea pig for this, the link is below. Please drop us a note if it's good. I must admit I'm curious. I hope this doesn't mean I want to eat longpig, too.
Now that I have ruined your thirst for the rest of the day, let’s talk about season three of HBO’s wildly popular fang-fiction series. Handsome Bill Compton, the most rugged undead citizen of Louisiana (do vampires still qualify for citizenship?), is being held hostage by vampire king Russell Edgington. I didn’t realize Vampire kidnapping and ransom was a thing, but then again, I am a Resident Evil fan. If I see something that’s undead, I shoot at it. Since smitten Sookie wants her man back, she is forced to befriend a werewolf named Alcide Herveaux.
Sookie lives the semi-friendly confines of Bon Temps and heads to Mississippi where she passes on the option of hanging out with Brett Favre to instead visit Club Dead, a trendy vampire nightspot in the area. While there, she discovers that werewolves and vampires are plotting together, meaning that True Blood steals the plot of Undead: Evolution. She also discovers that the king of Mississippi is looking to take over Louisiana as well. As a fan of the Southeastern Conference, it’s nice to see that our rivalries extend beyond the grave. Stuff happens, people die and re-die and Sookie is eventually reunited with Bill, who is either furious or wildly titillated by her public service announcement declaring her bisexuality. Whatever the case, Bill and Sookie wind up splitting up this season, breaking the hearts of goth girls everywhere. I’m sure they’ll be having not quite necrophiliac sex again one day soon.
New DVD releases for June 1, 2011:
Drive Angry (R)
Biutiful (R)
Abbott & Costello Show: Hit The Road (Not Rated)
All The Worlds A Stage: Dress Rehearsal & The Thea (Not Rated)
America's Cutest Dog (Not Rated)
American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Not Rated)
And Give My Love To The Swallows / The Joke (Not Rated)
Bajo La Sal / Backyard (Not Rated)
Bands on the Run (Not Rated)
Battle of Britain (Not Rated)
Ben Bailey: Road Rage & Accidental Orinthology (Not Rated)
Brad Meltzer's Decoded: Season 1 (Not Rated)
Brute Corps (Not Rated)
Calvin Johannes: Reformer & Man Of Controversy (Not Rated)
Christine Schafer: My Art of Singing (Not Rated)
Classic Fighters (Not Rated)
Cross (R)
Darwin's Lost Paradise (Not Rated)
David Byrne: Ride, Rise, Roar (Not Rated)
DC Kids Fun 3-Pack (Not Rated)
DC Universe Fun 3-Pack (Not Rated)
Death Cab for Cutie: Live at Mt. Baker Theatre (Not Rated)
Death Will Have Your Eyes (Not Rated)
Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan: Season 5 (Not Rated)
Dry Land / How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer (Not Rated)
Eddie Vedder: Water on the Road (Not Rated)
Ellery Queen Mysteries (Not Rated)
Endure (R)
The Fabulous Beekman Boys (Not Rated)
Famous & The Dead (Not Rated)
Genius of Britain (Not Rated)
Goat Story (Not Rated)
Grand Canyon Serenade (Not Rated)
Guin Saga Collection 2 (Not Rated)
Hawker Hurricane (Not Rated)
Hijos del Carnival: Seasons 1 & 2 (Not Rated)
History Classics: Ancient Mysteries, Lost Cities (Not Rated)
History Classics: Barbarians (Not Rated)
History Classics: Dinosaurs (Not Rated)
History Classics: The Revolution (Not Rated)
History Classics: World War II, The War Chronicles (Not Rated)
Hunter Prey / Sleep Dealer (Not Rated)
If I Want To Whistle, I Whistle (Not Rated)
Immortal Beaver (Not Rated)
Jerusalem: City Between Religions Sites Of The Wor (Not Rated)
Joy of Sharing: Leonard Bernstein In Japan (Not Rated)
Kaboom (Not Rated)
The Kid: Chamaco / The Amexicano (Not Rated)
Lancaster at War (Not Rated)
The Line / Chasing 3000 (Not Rated)
The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe (Not Rated)
Livietta E Tracollo Giovanni Battista Pergolesi (Not Rated)
Lovers & Other Problems
The Making of Plus One (Not Rated)
Mazinkaiser SKL (Not Rated)
Mindy Mylrea: Best of Boot Camp (Not Rated)
Mindy Mylrea: Glutes, Guns & Guts (Not Rated)
The Ministers / Hotel California (Not Rated)
Nature: Salmon (Not Rated)
Neil Young: Music Cares Tribute (Not Rated)
Netrebko / Polenzan: Donizetti: Don Pasquale (Not Rated)
Never Apologize (Not Rated)
A Nightmare in Las Cruces (R)
Noam Chomsky: Extraordinary Minds (Not Rated)
Over Kansas City (Not Rated)
Paname: Finding Love In The Oddest Of Places (Not Rated)
Passion Play (R)
Pay Back (Not Rated)
Phil Plait's Bad Universe (Not Rated)
Pierre Boulez: In Rehearsal (Not Rated)
Prey (Not Rated)
Primal Scream: Scremadelica Live (Not Rated)
Psych: The Complete Fifth Season (Not Rated)
Red Green Show: 2002 Season (Not Rated)
The Red Green Show: Midlife Crisis (Not Rated)
Rogelio Martinez: Tributo A Jose Alfredo Jimenez (Not Rated)
Rookie Blue: The Complete First Season (Not Rated)
Savage County (Not Rated)
Secrets of the Dead: China's Terracotta Warrior (Not Rated)
Secrets of the Dead: Lost In The Amazon (Not Rated)
SG-U Stargate Universe: The Complete Final Season (Not Rated)
Shanghai Red (Not Rated)
Stanley Kubrick: Essential Collection (Not Rated)
Streetball (Not Rated)
Supermarine Spitfire (Not Rated)
Swamp People: Season 1 (Not Rated)
Teotihuacan City of the Gods (Not Rated)
True Blood: The Complete Third Season (Not Rated)
Undertow (Not Rated)
The Waiting City (R)
WWE: Extreme Rules 2011 (Not Rated)
Yo Yo Ma: Extraordinary Minds (Not Rated)
Zubin Mehta in Rehersal (Not Rated)
New Blu-Ray releases for June 1, 2011:
Almighty Thor
American Graffiti
Big Jake
Biutiful
The Cat O' Nine Tails
Chicago Cubs: The Heart & Soul of Chicago
A Clockwork Orange
David Byrne: Ride, Rise, Roar
Drive Angry 3-D and 2-D
Drive Angry
Frantic / Presumed Innocent
Hubble (IMAX) 3-D +
Legend Ultimate Edition
A Man Called Horse
Nature: Salmon
Neil Young: Music Cares Tribute
Once Upon A Time In The West
Passion Play
Primal Scream: Scremadelica Live
Rio Lobo
Rookie Blue: The Complete First Season
Stanley Kubrick: Essential Collection
True Blood: The Complete Third Season
Undertow
WWE: Extreme Rules 2011
Yu Yu Hakusho: Season 1