This Weekend, Watch This
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Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides | Any Keira Knightly film | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
Clearest Title | This is going to be a very big film, as everyone is eager to watch another Pirates movie after the first three spectacular movies. | However, can a Pirates movie really compare with the visuals of Keira Knightley, the sounds of her British accent, and the breathtaking experience of watching her on screen? | While I may disagree, the phrase "Pirates of the Caribbean" is more well-known than her name. Point for the new film. |
Best Genre and Rating | Action/Adventure
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence, some frightening images, sensuality, and innuendo. | Action or Drama
Rated PG-13 or R for varying degrees of plucky sassiness, action, and Elizabethan English drama. | There's nothing I like more than when Keira Knightley plays a tough-girl role. That'll split the point with the fun that goes with a Pirate movie. |
Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | "N/A"
This movie is too awesome that it doesn't even need a tagline. Usually I'd be ticked off, but really, you don't need to sell this movie with a tagline. | "You like pain? Try wearing a corset!"
My goodness, Keira has a ton of amazing lines in the three Pirates films, especially bantering with Jack Sparrow. I hope the new Pirates doesn't disappoint. | Miss Swann scores her first point! (insert joke about scoring with Miss Swann). |
Best Part of Trailer | Jack's walk. Penelope Cruz. Suspenseful music. Blackbeard. One-liners. Fountain of Youth! Swordfights!! And mermaids!!! | Her pouty lips. | Keira easily wins this round - no competition whatsoever. |
Coolest Lead Actor | Johnny Depp from the Pirate movies, Alice in Wonderland, and Edward Scissorhands. | Keira Knightley from the Pirates movies, Bend it like Beckham, King Arthur, and Pride and Prejudice. | See, both actors are the epitome of a movie star. And they were together in the first three films! They'll split the point for nostalgia's sake. |
Best Cast | Penelope Cruz (Volver), Geoffrey Rush (Pirates trilogy), Ian McShane (Deadwood), and Keith Richards. | She doesn't need a cast. | Cruz + Rush + McShane + Keith = Keira Knightley. (Don't analyze this math). Everyone will split the point. |
Best Street Cred For the Production | Director Rob Marshall also directed Chicago (starring Catherine Zeta-Jones. No one compares to Catherine Zeta-Jones). | Now I'm just thinking about Catherine Zeta-Jones. | Catherine Zeta-Jones will take the point for this round. |