This Weekend, Watch This
A Comparison of New Releases for 4/29/11
By Curt David
April 29, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I love you *this* much
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Dumbo, Operation Dumbo Drop, Water for Elephants, and The Elephant Man all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Who else is excited for Catherine Zeta-Jones' new movie Playing the Field that is filming now????)

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of April 29th, the movies in wide release are Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Fast Five, Hoodwinked Too: Hood vs. Evil, and Prom.



Dylan Dog: Dead of Night Fast Five Hoodwinked Too: Hood vs. Evil Prom WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleA comic book shares this name, but I've never really heard of it. I don't even know what those two words could possibly mean side by side. Ah yes, a sequel to the animation fairy-tale film Hoodwinked. The setting of this movie will definitely be the prom. Haha, hood vs. evil...that's clever...point for Hoodwinked.
Best Genre
and Rating		Horror/Comedy:

Rated PG-13 for sequences of creature violence and action, language including some sexual references, and some drug material. 		Action:

Rated PG-13 for Intense Sequences of Violence and Action, Sexual Content and Language. 		Animation:

Rated PG for some mild rude humor, language and action. 		Dramedy:

Rated PG for mild language and a brief fight. 		Mixing horror and comedy doesn't happen that frequently (compared to action crime films and cartoons) so Dylan Dog will win the point.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		No pulse? No problem.

Cause the detective deals with the undead, kindof clever.

2/5 		Summer begins April 29th.

It makes it sound like an event movie, but not really a tagline.

1/5 		Not all fairy tales go by the book.

Oooh, so this movie will have fairy tale characters doing crazy things.

3/5 		Who are you going with? April 29th.

Ah, it says the date but makes it sound like a date! Clever!

4/5 		Prom, even though I still don't know anything else about the plot of the movie, has the best tagline.
Best Part of TrailerLooks entertaining and humorous, nothing Oscar worthy. Takes place in Rio!!! Diesel fighting The Rock! I didn't find it amusing. Why would I want to watch a movie about getting ready for the prom? Fast Five has clearly stolen the point this round.
Coolest Lead ActorBrandon Routh from Superman and Zack and Miri. Vin Diesel from Fast & Furious, xXx, and Saving Private Ryan. Riding Hood is voiced by Hayden Panettiere from Heroes. Aimee Teegarden from Friday Night Lights and Scream 4. Who knew he was in Saving Private Riding? Vin Diesel is the coolest actor of the bunch. (Is it cool to say the word "bunch" anymore?)
Best CastTaye Diggs (Chicago) and Kurt Angle (WWF). Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster (Fast and Furious), Tyrese Gibson (Transformers), Ludacris, and Dwayne Johnson (formerly The Rock). Over 14 recognizable comedic talent, including MADTV alumni, Amy Poehler, Brad Garrett, and Bill Hader. I don't recognize anyone else in this film. Hoodwinked has the best cast, but since they are just voices, it'll split the point with the cast from Fast Five.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer have also written Sahara and the upcoming Conan film. Director Justin Lin has also directed two other Fast/Furious films. Director Mike Disa has worked in the animation department for Tarzan, Hercules, Pocahontas, and more. Director Joe Nussbaum has also directed Sydney White. These guys seem talented but no one seems to stand out, so they'll all split the point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Fast Five scores 2 and 3/4 points, Hoodwinked Too scores 1 and 3/4 points, Dylan Dog scores 1 and 1/4 points, and Prom scores 1 and 1/4 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are under the age of 12, feel free to watch Hoodwinked Too this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, the best movie to watch this weekend is Fast Five.
Conclusion 2: OOOOOHHHHHHHH! Fast Five means it is the fifth Fast and Furious movie! I swear on all that is good in the world that I did not figure that out until just one second ago when I had written almost the whole column.
Conclusion 3: Fast Five takes place in Rio de Janeiro! The best city in the world! I think I'm going to go see this movie in the theaters.