The Amazing Race All-Stars Recap
By Daron Aldridge
April 18, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
With them gone, there is only one team left that I really don’t like and you will be unsurprised to see that I have placed said team at the bottom of my rankings. I know that’s relying more upon my heart than my head but that’s my method this week. Here you go:
1. (tie)Globetrotters Flight Time & Big Easy (Season 15) and Best friends Zev & Justin (Season 15) – After last week when these loosely aligned first strong, I have to place them in a tie for first. Both teams ran a near flawless leg last time and if the momentum continues, they could ride the wave in the top of the pack to the final.
2. Father/daughter Gary & Mallory (Season 17) – They stumbled a bit last week by falling to fourth behind Kisha & Jen but the remaining parent/child team has the edge in my mind. Like the Globetrotters and to a degree, Zev & Justin, this is a team that seems to be enjoying the race while doing it, just as they probably did watching it at home. I give a fun-loving attitude more weight than I probably should but, ever the optimist (albeit with pessimistic tendencies); I tend to root for them.
3. (tie) Sisters Kisha & Jen (Season 14) and Cowboys Jet & Cord (Season 16) – With only six teams left and a few legs remaining, both of these teams need two different course corrections to stick around for the final three. Kisha & Jen need to show a more competitive spirit. I keep thinking back to the earlier leg where they were literally outrun for third place by Jet & Cord. Working in the sisters’ favor is that fact the cowboys are their own worst enemies on the race. I would argue that the brothers are probably the strongest, most competitive and efficient team on this race…when they aren’t making a bad decision (i.e. last week’s plane snafu that put them in real jeopardy of being eliminated). That being said, we are getting close to the end and either of them could feasibly jump into the finals. The only ones I don’t think that could pull that off are…
4. Goth couple Kent & Vyxsin (Season 12) – With Angry Dad Ron gone, Kent & Vyxsin are picking up his mantle. While Kent can try to be aggressive (I bristle every time Kent yells, “VYXSIN!!!”), she is much more adept at the passive aggressive. If hell froze over and they won this race, they would be the most contentious team to win since season three meltdown-tastic Flo & Zach.
Oops, I have gone on too long. It’s 8 p.m. (7 p.m. central) and we are off to the race.
It’s early morning in India and the Globetrotters leave the Pitstop in first to find a travel agent. Their next destination is Vienna, Austria. Flight Time is thoroughly enjoying dusting off his Governator impression, to which Big Easy jokingly (?) asks, “Are we going to have to hear that the whole time in Austria?” A little more than an hour and a half separate first and last but it doesn’t really matter because we soon find out that a 5:35 a.m. landing is the earliest, which all but one team chooses. The rebels are once again Jet & Cord.
Unlike last time, where they just blindly accepted the ticket agent’s word for it on flight options, the brothers actually choose a flight that lands about 30 minutes later because it only has one stop as opposed to two for the other teams’ flight. As they explain, “We will either win big or lose big...either way it will be big.” It’s this type of risk that hasn’t paid off for them so far this season and why I feel confident in placing them so low in my rankings. I hate being wrong (just ask my wife), but I hope I am about this. Personally, this risk seems unnecessary because if there was a delay of the other flight and all the teams are on it, then you have the assurance that you know where your competition is. The cowboys usually do well head-to-head, so I don’t get their rationale here.
The country boys have no such luck in delays as the first flight lands on time. The Amazing Race has now officially whored itself out to Ford. Sorry, Travelocity...but clearly this show is not a "one-sponsor" kind of show. I would say that it could be the Sister Wives of CBS reality competition shows but that is obviously the Home Depot /GM-loving Survivor (I’m sure I have overlooked a regular sponsor or eight of Mark Burnett’s baby).
Anyway, the teams climb into a “new 2012 Ford Focus” and are instructed by Phil, who would have made an awesome KITT, to put the car in reverse to get their clue via the car’s rear camera. And the winners of this leg each get one of these Foci. So, this leg is essentially a test drive for one team.
Without much drama, the teams throw the cars in reverse and read their clue on the pavement to go to Schloss Schallburg, which is a castle. I’m sorry, all the teams except Gary & Mallory who are fixated on trying to decipher the onscreen navigation system to get their clue. Again, I hate being wrong but these two knuckleheads are doing their best to invalidate my power ranking. Gary figures it out and they are on their way but the cowboys have landed and are on their way to the garage.
Jet & Cord don’t have the issue that Gary & Mallory had but they do have the sinking feeling that their flight gamble didn’t pay off like they had hoped. They know they are in last and have to be mistake–free.
One-by-one the teams stop at the only gas station apparently open in Vienna at 6 a.m. and it’s a BP, I believe. It’s hard to tell with the blurred out sign. I guess they have hopefully been spending their money on other more ecologically responsible things than reality show product placement. The Globetrotters opt for a hotel concierge for directions and Jet & Cord approach the trucker outside the gas station for directions. There has to be a bad joke in there about two Oklahoma cowboys and an Austrian truck driver but I can’t come up with it.
First place Zev & Justin get to the castle and grab a large book/clue “from the chick from Harry Potter." They are now heading to the National Library. There is a steady caravan of teams directly behind them, but the last place cowboys know they need someone to mess up (other than them) to survive.
Zev & Justin get to the National Library and their next clue from a librarian/Sherpa. The Detour this time is between Long Hard Walk or Quick Easy Meal. For Walk, they have to go to Freud’s old office and carry a therapist’s couch one mile to the University of Vienna. For Meal, they have to pick up a dinner and take it to the Wiener Riesenrad. Then they have to finish their meals in 12 minutes or one rotation of the Ferris Wheel. Having watched enough of these seasons, I would probably have chosen the Walk because a food/drink task on the race is usually not simple. Heck, even this season had the ridiculous tea tasting challenge just two legs ago.
Zev & Justin defy my logic and go to Meal, as does Kisha & Jen and Gary & Mallory, who have made up some ground from their Focus misadventures. This Detour choice leads to the quote from Jen that would surely warrant a Phil-worthy eyebrow raising: “I bet that’ll be the biggest wiener I’ll ever eat.” Let’s just let that sink in for a minute. Okay, I hope you are done laughing.
The Globetrotters and Goths are searching the grounds of the library for the right place. Flight & Easy find it and in a race first, Flight answers the call of nature by peeing outside and I am pretty sure ON the wall of the Vienna National Library. Did he not think there was a restroom inside the place they just walked out of? Maybe it was...ummm...relieving his frustration with all German speaking countries because it was in Germany that they were eliminated last time. Regardless of his urination motivation, the Globetrotters go with Walk and the Goths are just a few steps behind them going to Walk also.
Kisha & Jen reach Meal first and realize that this may have been a mistake. They go ahead and attempt it and fail. Twelve minutes to finish that much food is just too demanding. Zev & Justin are two Ferris Wheel cars behind them with the same progress and realization. As they leave for the other Detour task Gary & Mallory arrive. They appear to make more progress than the previous two teams but not enough to be successful.
Jet & Cord have reached the library and immediately go with Walk. I am proud to finally have chosen the more advantageous task for once. The Globetrotters and Goths are off to the university with the couch in tow. Each team begins employ different methods of transport. Most of them use the supplied furniture dolly at least some. Kisha & Jen decide to drag it much of the way through snow and water. Meanwhile, Kent & Vyxsin don’t even realize they have a dolly, so we get to hear Kent whine and complain the entire time. The longer he is on the race the less compelled I am to enjoy watching it.
Flight & Easy are the first to complete the task and get the clue pointing them to a restaurant in Salzburg. Of particular note on this task is that the cowboys not only pass slow pokes Gary & Mallory but also the lost Zev & Justin. That puts Jet & Cord in fourth behind the Goths and the sisters. More important for them, Cord explains that seeing Zev & Justin on the street was the first time they had seen any of the other teams since the Indian airport.
Now that Zev & Justin and Gary & Mallory have completed the Detour, all the teams are en route to Salzburg with various levels of success and teamwork. And living up to my very low expectations are Kent & Vyxsin, who threatens to never speak to him again if they are eliminated this leg. That seems like a way to reward herself honestly.
For the Roadblock, the teams get to channel their inner Bert from Mary Poppins. They have to use a weighted chimney sweep on three chimneys to get the clue. Big Easy gets decked out in chimney sweep gear and heads off with his guide. This appears to be one of the easier Roadblocks thrown at teams this season. Without much effort, Easy is done and is changing clothes when Zev arrives at the task for his team. When instructed to correct his rope by making it bigger, Zev gives the patented Michael Scott retort of “That’s what she said.” Based upon the bewildered look on his sweep guide’s face, whatever iteration of The Office there is in Austria doesn’t include that line.
The Globetrotters are now heading to the pitstop at the Villa Trapp, the real home of the Van Trapp family from the Sound of Music. Wow, two Julie Andrews’ movie connections in one leg. I will not complain about anything that harkens back to those days because I had a serious crush on her.
Zev’s chimney sweep proficiency and the Globetrotters’ inability to find the Pitstop means that Zev & Justin are the first team to arrive. They are shocked but justifiably excited to have both won the aforementioned Ford Focuses. They rebounded nicely from a fifth place slot after the Detour. The Globetrotters are checked in as second.
The difficulty of this Roadblock is consistently nonexistent as Vyxsin and Kisha finish the task simultaneously with Cord arriving shortly thereafter. As much as it pains me, the Goths hit the mat as number three. Let me repeat that phrase: As much as it truly pains me, Vyxsin notes that this is the leg they have fought the most and had their best finish, so they should fight more. Shudder at the idea of more bickering from these two.
Gary & Mallory get to the Roadblock as the cowboys are leaving and Gary quickly starts working on those chimneys. Kisha & Jen redeem themselves on the footrace as they beat the cowboys to the mat by three seconds as Phil points out. They are numbers four and five.
I should’ve known that since it’s been a foregone conclusion from the Detour that Gary & Mallory would be last; that this would be a non-elimination leg and that is exactly what Phil delivers. So, it makes me happy because a team that I thought would be there until the end still has a shot. Also there are still five other teams that could eliminate Kent & Vyxsin from the race.
Next week, the teams head to Switzerland and do some stuff but I couldn’t understand what was going on with the obvious non-Phil Keoghan preview voiceover. Some things shouldn’t be messed with. I guess I’ll have to be surprised.