The Amazing Race All-Stars Recap
By Daron Aldridge
April 13, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Now let’s take a look at how the racers are faring.
1. (tie)Father/daughter Gary & Mallory (Season 17) and Cowboys Jet & Cord (Season 16) – I am starting to feel like a broken record but these teams from Kentucky and Oklahoma, respectively, have yet to be dethroned in my eyes as frontrunners. I will be shocked and supremely disappointed if they aren’t both in the final three. My praise is the same as before: They have shown over and over they know how to race smart and calm despite a couple of stumbles for both on the very first leg.
2. Best friends Zev & Justin (Season 15) – These chums have made some mistakes (Hello, Chinese Zodiac and Dino Roadblock) but they keep bouncing back. They seem to have enough working in their favor to overcome their pitfalls. I think that is what sets them apart from the other teams ranked lower than them.
3. Goth couple Kent & Vyxsin (Season 12) and Globetrotters Flight Time & Big Easy (Season 15) – Here are two teams worlds apart on the likability scale but seem to be the same performance-wise this season as pure middle of the pack racers. It’s because of that I have to give them such a ranking. I echo my plea to the Globetrotters to step it up and for Kent & Vyxsin to implode but neither is listening to me. That means I predict they will stick it out for another couple legs and that’s it.
4. Father/Daughter Ron & Christina (Season 12) – Meanwhile, this father/daughter combo is one Ron-sized tantrum away from the wheels flying off their car. I don’t see how they can continue to hang on with a man that can barely keep his default emotion of anger in check. I wish I could go back and re-watch season 12 to see how in the blazes they ended up second.
5. Sisters Kisha & Jen (Season 14) – Okay, I like this team and their ranking on the bottom rung is two-fold. First, their glimpses of being strong competitors have become more infrequent and they seem to be on a downward slide. If you need a lesson in the power of momentum, check out our recaps of this season’s Survivor and how Boston Rob’s tribe is doing. Right now, Kisha & Jen are lacking in momentum and it will catch up to them. Secondly (and this one is admittedly preposterous), they are the only team left from season 14. In fact, every team eliminated so far on Unfinished Business has been from season 14. So my math tells me that after tonight’s episode, 2 + 2 = no more season 14 teams.
As always, these are the opinions of the author and are not reflective of the other Box Office Prophets, who assuredly think I am ridiculously off kilter here.
Onward and upward to the next leg, or rather westward as the teams one by one rip into their clue and find out they are staying in India but traveling west to the holy city of Varanasi. Gary & Mallory are fresh from their Snapple-sponsored Pitstop reward and she declares that they want to be the first parent/child team to win. I didn’t realize that this hadn’t happened yet but that’s probably because I hadn’t really given it a single thought before now. I feel Mallory may be getting her wish if they keep on their path.
Even though Gary & Mallory were in first place with about a two and a half hour lead on the last place Globetrotters, the airport levels things out...almost. The lone exception to the 10:45 a.m. flight arrival for all teams in Varanasi is Jet & Cord. The cowboys were told at the airline counter they visited that an 11:24 a.m. arrival was the earliest. At the layover in Delhi, the other teams are perplexed about their absence but the cowboys are just frustrated. So much for that second place finish. (I really need to stop predicting security in the race for teams that I like because now I am nervous for them.)
The non-cowboy airplane lands and the teams begin the normal cab scramble. Wouldn’t you know that just when I start to give the Goths more credit, our old friend overdramatic Kent shows back up. In a case of his own carelessness, Mr. Goth bumps his own noggin into the corner of the open trunk and then proceeds to blame it on the driver. I rewound and watched it three times. Kent needs to tell himself “to watch out next time, bro.” Of course, the loving concern from Vyxsin continues to be...well...nonexistent. This is joyfully followed by him yelling at the cab driver to GOOO!!!
As is the norm now, one team picks a cabbie that promptly needs to stop for gas. This round’s winner is Zev & Justin. Justin astutely questions the logic behind a taxi picking up a fare at the airport without enough gas to actually take them anywhere. The luck of taxi draw is shining on their fellow season 15 racers the Globetrotters, though. Their driver quickly passes team after team but the Goths get to the clue first.
We have a Roadblock and it is a combo scavenger hunt and puzzle. With six cards of holy men, they have to find each, who will then give them a piece of paper. With all six pieces, they have to assemble the phrase and present it to another holy man for their clue. Depending upon which team member is chosen for the task; Jet & Cord might be able to catch up here.
Head Wound Kent is the chosen one for his team. His lead over the other teams evaporates as everyone from their flight is at the Roadblock. Joining Kent on the search for the meaning of life are Easy, Jen, Ron, Gary and Justin. It’s probably a wise call by Justin to not expose Zev to the crowded market, since he has already expressed his discomfort with the masses in India.
As they are all making their way through the Roadblock, Jet & Cord land with a determination to rock the tasks to make up for the airplane faux pas. Apparently, Jen had the same approach because she dominates the Roadblock and finishes first. With clue in hand, she and her sister leave for a wrestling club. Justin has once again joined forces with Big Easy and they get all their pieces of the phrase. They aren’t too far behind the sisters.
On the other hand, Kent is the antithesis of teamwork. He has about three more clues than Gary but asks for his help. He even promises that he will show him where the final holy man is. As soon as he gets his final clue (thanks to Gary), Kent makes a break for it and then tries to justify it as their co-dependent relationship had run its course. When he meets up with Vyxsin, Mallory asks about Gary and is told that “he’s right behind me.” Mallory correctly surmises that means that Kent got the clue and left Gary high and dry. Beauty queens can have common sense. Gary makes it through the task and they are off as well.
Cord is on the scene for the cowboys and Ron the Reliably Unreliable Roadblock Performer is securing his place in last by wandering aimlessly with a single piece, while everyone else besides Cord is done with the challenge.
Somehow the Globetrotters and Zev & Justin pass the sisters on the way to the Detour clue. The choices on this leg are Feed the Fire or Feed the Buffalo. For Fire, they must cross the Ganges River to a place where they will make 50 fuel patties out of buffalo manure, then stick it to a wall for it to dry. Finally, they have to use ones already dried to start a fire and boil milk. This sounds like one crappy Detour (sorry). For Buffalo, the team crosses the river and retrieves a bale of hay, which they then have to deliver to an address in the city.
Both of these first two teams go with Buffalo. I assume that Kisha & Jen didn’t thoroughly read their clue because they decide to go with Fire. I am not sure that I would ever opt for a task that involved excrement.
At Buffalo, Zev & Justin and the Globetrotters grab their hay and are on their way. Jet & Cord have officially passed Ron & Christina at the Roadblock because Ron says he over thought the clue. Sure you did, pops, sure you did.
The one-sided alliance of the Goths and Gary & Mallory are also going with Fire but if they could see what Kisha & Jen were dealing with; their choice may have been reversed. As Jen points out, “The crap you do for a million dollars.” As a lover of bad puns (which is to say all puns) and juvenile humor about poo, I really hope the sisters don’t get eliminated this leg.
Zev & Justin and Globetrotters are done with the Detour and are in a footrace for first place.
Rightfully so, Big Easy is proud of the fact they have gone from last to front of the pack. It took them about five or six legs but they are harkening back to their first race. By just enjoying the race, they are excelling at it.
When faced with the Detour, the cowboys make the logical choice for them: Feed the Buffalo. As they point out, they went halfway around the world to haul some hay. It’s just a little taste of Oklahoma life for them in India.
Who would’ve thought that the quality control inspector in the sundried buffalo manure fuel patty industry would be so strict? After knocking down a few of Kisha & Jen’s patties that weren’t up to snuff, the sisters fix them and finish up the Detour.
Manly man Kent pawns his backpack off onto Vyxsin because he can’t carry his own bag and climb stairs. If they make it deep into this race, you could say that Vyxsin literally carried this team. I almost expect her to pick him up and wear him like a shawl the way Ace Ventura did the "monopoly man" at the beginning of Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. That will probably be the first and last reference to a horrible sequel that I apologize for reminding you it exists.
Thanks to Mallory for pointing out that not only does she have an innate ability to sniff out manure-related tasks but she is apparently wearing the same clothes as the last time around with manure in Russia. I endorse her plan to throw them out after the race. It may be wise to just burn them.
The Globetrotters sprint to the mat and take first place just ahead of Zev & Justin. Here’s a case where two teams in an alliance of sorts complement each other well and this is the result.
Meanwhile, the Goths edge past Gary & Mallory as the teams complete the Fire Detour but the dating couple foolishly gets in a water taxi. With it not moving anywhere, Vyxsin finds out the hard way that the Ganges River is quite deep. She jumps in thinking she could just walk the boat back to shore about 10 feet and promptly disappears underwater - and Kent responds in kind by freaking out.
While the drama on the river bank unfolds, Kisha & Jen hit the mat as team number three and Gary & Mallory are team number four. Having delivered their hay, Jet & Cord have successfully recovered and are officially team number five. Make no mistake, fifth place is not in the final three, so the brothers will be taking a trip down in my power rankings next week.
It looks like the battle for last will be between the Goths and Team Formerly Angry Dad. As I watch the manufactured drama of how close the race is, I realize that I would actually be happy with
either of them getting eliminated. My dislike is a bit more for the Goths based upon how grating they were this leg alone. Too bad, they get sixth place and Ron & Christina are last and no longer racing. I have to say I am disappointed that Ron's emotional self-destruction wasn’t their undoing but rather his task ineptitude.
Oh well, there is always next week to rejoice in Kent & Vyxsin’s elimination, especially based upon the previews with Vyxsin threatening to never speak to him again if they get eliminated. Ain’t love grand?