The Amazing Race All Stars Recap
By Daron Aldridge
March 21, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Here’s how the not-really-a-leg reshaped my power rankings:
1. Father/daughter Gary & Mallory (Season 17) – Thanks to Zev’s Roadblock ineptitude, Miss Kentucky and daddy are easily the top of the rankings. They continue to race hard and despite Mallory’s uncanny ability to innocently (I hope) make insensitive impressions of the Japanese and Chinese people, she is still hard to not like. Together, they have raced strong and smart. Plus they are still sitting with an Express Pass up their sleeve, which could widen a gap for them.
2. (tie) Sisters Kisha & Jen (Season 14) and Cowboys Jet & Cord (Season 16) – I still give our sister team credit for consistency and thus place them alongside the rebounding Jet & Cord. Kisha & Jen hit the mat in fifth but they continue to show they can elbow their way to the front. Wow, Jet & Cord finally decided to show up and allow me to have confidence in placing them high in my rankings. They were low-key racers last leg but it worked out well for them with a second place slot.
3. Globetrotters Flight Time & Big Easy (Season 15) – The guys aren’t quite up to speed from the last time they raced but fond memories of their first season are strong enough to keep them high on my list. They don’t appear to have the implosion trait like the others lower than them but they are now on the outside of the final three until I see the fire and fun back in their eyes.
4. Mother/son Margie & Luke (Season 14) – I know what you’re thinking: “But they are in first place, why are they so far down here?” Simply because I don’t think they have demonstrated they can go the distance here and honestly, their first place finish was nowhere near a landslide. It appeared that first and fourth (possibly even fifth) were only minutes apart.
5. Best friends Zev & Justin (Season 15) – I shouldn’t have told them to keep racing smart last week because they clearly did not. While I think the boys are far from finished and I have faith they can capitalize on an equalizer like a plane ride, I can’t in good conscience place them higher after their dismal last leg. That was quite the fall from grace in my eyes but hopefully they can recapture my favor by leaping a couple spots up this week at a real Pitstop.
6. NFL cheerleaders Jaime & Cara (Season 14) – Once again proving me wrong, this is the team that I thought would have fared better when not saddled in their alliance with Margie & Luke. Alas, the cheerleaders struggled more than I expected of them.
7. Father/Daughter Ron & Christina (Season 12) – Let’s repeat your earlier question about Margie & Luke. If it weren’t for Christina, Ron would still be standing on a street corner in China salivating over fish. Ron is not only the weak link on this team but he is an inadvertent saboteur. His fits of rage, likely stemming from low blood sugar, which explains his compulsion to eat nonstop, will undermine his team and eliminate them. But not before…
8. Goth couple Kent & Vyxsin (Season 12) – After misplacing their passports TWICE in a matter of a day and with a possible time penalty for missing their assigned flight in Japan (thank you, Magellan...er...Vyxsin), I don’t see a scenario that involves them surviving. Well, other than the producers once again clumping everyone on the same flight, bus or boat. Regardless of their proclaimed PMA, their lack of teamwork and race acumen will keep them from the final three.
Picking up where we left off, Vyxsin points out that Kent left their fanny pack, which has their passports and money in it, on the gondola. She is not sympathetic and appears to be ready to pull a Mike and quit. As they turn around for the gondola, Zev & Justin meet up with Phil and get the clue that send them back to Kunming China via train. And there is a double U-Turn waiting for the teams, which is not exactly good news for Zev & Justin who could easily be targeted as a threat.
Margie & Luke roll into the train station to find out there is exactly one train that is leaving for Kunming about seven hours later. This puts all the teams, including Kent & Vyxsin, back in the hunt, as well as setting up quite the scramble for the U-Turns.
Now that the viewers know they are still in the race, it’s time for a lovely montage of the Goths completing the Detour from last week after retrieving their pack, which is capped off with Phil delivering the good news that they are still racing but in last place. But Phil levies a 30-minute penalty to them for their Japan screw-up. It was smart for them to decide not to tell the other teams about the penalty but Vyxsin’s proclamation that they “are so smart” is a complete overstatement. In my view a team that is “so smart” wouldn’t have made mistake after mistake the previous leg.
Even though there wasn’t an official Pitstop, the teams use the downtime to actually relax and what better way than with playing basketball with two Harlem Globetrotters. A fun game of three-on-three commences with Jet, Kisha and Flight Time on one team and Cord, Jen and Big Easy on the other. It's fun to see the teams unwinding and not frantically trying to outrun one another. Just a friendly game of basketball or as the vertically-challenged cowboys described the game, “It was like playing basketball with trees.”
Then Zev & Justin arrive to deliver the bad news that Kent & Vyxsin are not far behind, so they will be on the same train. As predicted, the Goths do arrive and are immediately asked about the penalty. They once again, try to sell the story their car broke down in Japan causing them to be delayed and they don’t know if there will be a penalty. Too bad, every team would wager a hefty sum that there will be a penalty.
After a 400-mile train ride in triple-decker cars, the teams hit the streets of Kunming looking for a flower market. A flurry of taxis converges on the flower market with no discernible lead but each team wisely tells their cabbie to wait for them. The clue directs them to the Golden Horse and Jade Cock Memorial arches. Unfortunately, the cowboys’ taxi doesn’t hang around and they jump in the only one left, which belonged to their basketball mates, the Globetrotters. Flight & Easy’s scare is short-lived as they find a new taxi a block or so away.
Ron & Christina have been blissfully absent up to this point but they are the first to hit the Detour of Honor the Past or Embrace the Future but Zev & Justin are right there with them. With the Past, they have to watch a Tibetan play and recreate the cast lineup as they appeared on stage from memory. For the Future, the teams have to unload a crate of solar heating tubes and then install them on a roof. Both of these seem equally difficult but I would be employing Zev & Justin’s method of simply following Ron & Christina, since they have “home court advantage” in China. There is a lesser chance they will get lost. Based upon Zev’s horrible display of memory at the last Roadblock though, this may be a bad call for them.
Margie & Luke and Kisha & Jen arrive after the others have left and the mother and son go with the Future and the sisters head to the Past. Meanwhile, the American mainstream commercialism has reared its head as the cowboys, Gary & Mallory, the Goths and the cheerleaders all are wandering around a McDonalds looking for the clue. Because of, you know, the Golden Arches. Man, I am embarrassed for them. This foolishness allows the Globetrotters to ease into fifth place and snag their Detour clue. They go with the Future.
While Ron & Christina and Zev & Justin have recollection issues at the Past, the Future task proves to be much more physical than expected, which causes Margie to lag behind Luke. Kisha & Jen are now putting the pressure on the others at the Past. Even though Zev & Justin miss their attempt, they correct it quickly are the first to get their clue, which reminds them the double U-Turn is directly ahead of them. Kisha & Jen get out next but it is all for nothing as neither they or the Zev & Justin can find anyone who knows where the picture clue is directly them. Ron & Christina swoop in to save them by knowing the way and offering to lead.
The remaining teams have ventured beyond Mickey D’s and gotten their clues also. Gary & Mallory are the only ones to go with the Past and the Globetrotters are bringing up the rear at Future. It’s not too dire for them because Vyxsin’s lack of navigation skills has morphed into a lack of patience for scrawny Kent’s inability to carry boxes of tubes up several flights of stairs. On the other hand, Margie has recovered and she and Luke are finished before the final teams get there. Jaime & Cara are the next to leave the Future with Jet & Cord on their heels.
Do you remember how I said that it was a smart move to follow Ron & Christina? Well, please forget I ever typed that. Their cabbie has taken them and their followers Zev & Justin and Kisha & Jen to the wrong community center. This allows Margie & Luke to get to the U-Turn first and they choose not to.
The Goths leave the Future with only the Globetrotters remaining and they hop in their cab proclaiming they will U-Turn anyone if they aren’t already hit with one. Gary & Mallory have finally successfully tested their memory at the Past challenge.
Feeling secure enough in their placement, Jet & Cord also opt out of U-Turning anyone but with a friendly assist to Goths and the Cheerleaders, there is a race to the U-Turn. With Kent & Vyxsin barely (and questionably) there first and in full view of Jaime & Cara, the Goths U-Turn them, despite their pleas to U-Turn Flight and Easy. Since the cheerleaders couldn’t convince them otherwise, they go ahead and U-Turn the Globetrotters themselves.
I don’t question using a U-Turn because it is part of the game but it seems irrational to U-Turn a team that is tied with you at the mat when there are clearly more teams trailing. Like Jaime & Cara, I would have chosen to use it against any of the others that are still behind because that would create more distance between them. But I also wouldn’t have run the race anything like these two passport-losing, directionally-challenged knuckleheads have this season.
The wanderers (Ron & Christina, Zev & Justin, and Kisha & Jen) breathe a sigh of relief that they are safe and all are heading to the Stone Forest. Gary & Mallory have also joined this merry band of misfits. There is still no clear front-runner at this point as the cowboys, Margie & Luke and the Goths are just now getting pointing in the right direction.
The Cheerleaders are at the Past pretty quickly and get through it on the first try, as the Globetrotters get their bad news. Everyone else is still trying to get to this elusive Stone Forest. Without much apparent effort, the Globetrotters mimic Jaime & Cara’s performance and knock out the Past task easily.
Aimless is the most apt description for the team’s journey to the Stone Forest. Kisha & Jen are the first to arrive and get the Roadblock clue. Ripping off Jurassic Park’s tagline, the teams have to perform a task 65 million years in the making. This involves assembling a 20 foot replica of a dilophosaurus. Kisha elects to do it for them and is joined shortly by Margie and Christina. Kent happily accepts the Roadblock for his team and Vyxsin takes the time waiting to confess to Jen and Ron that they do have a 30-minute penalty, which is why they U-Turned the others.
Ron gets on his high horse about them lying about the penalty earlier but I think that it was a solid strategic play. This is a game, after all, and it is well within the rules of the game to keep secrets and strategies to yourself.
One by one the teams hit the Roadblock and it is clear the U-Turns were of little consequence, other than to annoy the teams affected. Jet & Cord get there in fifth with Jet on dino duty and the Globetrotters have recovered nicely by getting to the Roadblock in sixth. Big Easy decides to take on the big lizard and Jaime is up for the cheerleaders.
It may look like Zev & Justin and Gary & Mallory have fallen in last because their cabbies hadn’t a clue where the Stone Forest was. The reality is when Justin and Gary head to do the Roadblock as the last two teams; no one is really out front at the task. That’s because one of the conditions of the dinosaur assembly is that they can be stopped at any time, if it is unsafely built. This seems to be more common than not.
The task was apparently too intimidating for Gary & Mallory, given their last placement, and they wisely pull the Express Pass out of their back pocket. They get to head straightaway to the Pitstop at Green Lake Park in Kunming.
Mallory does declare that they have to get first now that they burned their Express Pass and you would think that was a sure thing. Too bad Jet is the first one done with the Roadblock and the cowboys could easily overtake them now. The hits just keep on coming for Gary & Mallory as they have to find another cab, since theirs left them. Their misfortune means fortune for Jet & Cord as the cowboys hit the mat in first place and are rewarded with $5,000 each. Gary & Mallory may not have gotten first but a second place finish thanks to their Express Pass is welcomed. They sat on this advantage and played it perfectly in my opinion.
Margie & Luke have completed the Roadblock now and really have no competition for third place. And they are checked in as such. Dinosaur follies continue for everyone and the sisters are next out of the task with Kent & Vyxsin are behind them.
Big Easy gets through it next as the Kisha & Jen are checked in as number four thanks to the Goths’ penalty, which has them cooling their jets off to the side. Fortuitously for them,the Goths’ time expires just before the Globetrotters arrive, so they are checked in as number five and number six respectively.
Christina and Justin finish neck and neck and that is exactly how they hit the mat. In last place and still at the Roadblock, Jaime gets continuously denied by the judge/paleontologist. This means that in this one task, Jaime has heard the word “No” from a nerdy scientist more than she has probably ever heard it in her life. With no drama whatsoever, the cheerleaders are eliminated and the race just got a whole lot less attractive. Phil seems just as saddened by this as the rest of the XY viewers.
I am disappointed that Kent & Vyxsin were able to rebound but I stand by my assessment that they are their own worst enemies. Maybe next week’s trip to Calcutta will prove me right.