This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for March 11, 2011
By Curt David
March 11, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com

She doesn't really get the principle of camoflage.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Spider-Man, Kiss of the Spider Woman, and Along Came a Spider all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (I have a crush on the city of Rio de Janeiro... five weeks until the movie "Rio" comes to theaters!!!!!).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of March 11th, the movies in wide release are Battle: Los Angeles, Mars Needs Moms, and Red Riding Hood.



Battle: Los Angeles Mars Needs Moms Red Riding Hood Winner
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleIt's not every day that there's a battle in Los Angeles. (well, depending on which section you live in). It's definitely not every day that something happens on Mars, especially involving moms. But practically every day the story of Red Riding Hood is probably told somewhere. Can't believe it's a movie, but Red Riding Hood wins the point for the clearest title.
Best Genre
and Rating		Sci-Fi Action

Rated PG-13 for sustained and intense sequences of war violence and destruction, and for language. 		Animation

Rated PG for sci-fi action and peril. 		Fantasy/Horror

Rated PG-13 for violence and creature terror, and some sensuality. . 		Sci-Fi Action, what big genre you have. All the better to win this point with.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		n/a

Come on Battle: LA- you didn't even put up a fight. 0/5 stars

"Mom needs a little space"

HAHA! It's so true- Moms do need space, and the movie is about space! Love it.

4/5 		"Who's afraid?"

Ooohh, I like it. Sounds foreboding for a horror movie and it's based on an old catchphrase.

4/5 		"Who's afraid" almost won, but that's based on a song about the Three Little Pigs, not Little Red- so Mars Needs Mom will win.
Best Part of TrailerI feel I have seen all of this before in other movies, but it should be a fun watch. Edge of my seat start of the trailer, it was surprisingly good. That was a more sexy, suspenseful version than I have ever envisioned. The Red planet and the Red girl are going to split the point for the best trailer.
Coolest Lead ActorAaron Eckhart from The Dark Knight and No Reservations. The voice of Seth Green from The Italian Job and the Austin Powers trilogy. Amanda Seyfried from Dear John, Mean Girls, and Mamma Mia! Amanda and Aaron are both quasi-famous respectable actors- they can also split the point.
Best CastMichelle Rodriguez (Avatar), Bridget Moynahan (I, Robot), Ramon Rodriquez (Transformers 2), and singer Ne-Yo. The voices of Joan Cusack (Addams Family Values), Mindy Sterling (Austin Powers), and Tom Everett Scott (American Werewolf in Paris). Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight), Billy Burke (Twilight), Virginia Madsen (Sideways), and Julie Christie (Doctor Zhivago). Despite my love for Michelle Rodriguez, Red Riding Hood has the most impressive cast (name anyone on the planet that doesn't like either The Dark Knight, Twilight, or Doctor Zhivago).
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer Christopher Bertolini has also written The General's Daughter. Director and Writer Simon Wells has also directed The Prince of Egypt, Balto, and American Tale. Director Catherine Hardwicke has also directed Twilight, The Nativity Story, and Lords of Dogtown. Mars Needs Moms has the best street cred. Simon Wells looks legit and the words "Disney" and "The Polar Express" were in the trailer.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Red Riding Hood scores 3 points, Mars Needs Moms scores 2 and 1/2 points, and Battle: Los Angeles scores 1 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a man between the ages of 14 and 44, please feel free to watch Battle: LA this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Red Riding Hood is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Ramon Rodriguez (aka Leo Spitz in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) was in one of my favorite tv shows of all time: Daybreak. (It was that Taye Diggs show that was played in the middle of the season of Lost, and ABC didn't even air its final episodes...but sooo good).
Conclusion 3: The one reason why I do want to check out Battle: LA: its rating said, "sustained and intense sequences of war violence and destruction," so you know the movie won't have any boring parts.