This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for January 28, 2011
By Curt David
January 28, 2011
BoxOfficeProphets.com

You're here to atone for The Wolfman, right? Good!
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, American Psycho, American Gangster, and American Graffiti all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5 crushes when I was 16 years old: #2: Nicole Sullivan from MADtv).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of January 27th, the movies in wide release are The Mechanic and The Rite (and a slew of previously released Oscar movies to watch).


The Mechanic The Rite WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleMechanic: (noun) A person who repairs or maintains machinery. Rite: (noun) A ceremony act customary in religious use. Thank you dictionary.com, but man these titles are boring this week. They split the point for indescriptive ennui.
Best Genre
and Rating		Action

Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, language, some sexual content, and nudity. 		Horror

Rated PG-13 for disturbing thematic material, violence, frightening images, and language including sexual references. 		WHAT? The movie titles in no way describe these genres. Religious horror makes a little sense, but the title of the action movie will win the point for most surprising genre.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"Someone has to fix the problems"

HA! The mechanic fixes car problems AND probably messes people up! Clever!

4/5 stars 		"You can only defeat it when you believe"

I like the spiritual encouragement this tagline provides, but it's pretty generic too.

2/5 		The tagline that didn't make the cut: "Don't make him blow his gasket." The mechanic easily wins this point.
Best Part of TrailerAt any point I could have stopped watching the trailer- couldn't seem to care about the characters/plot. Not an original plot at all, but I did want to watch the whole trailer. The Rite barely wins this round. Who knew watching priests talk would be more interesting then senseless violence?
Coolest Lead ActorJason Statham from The Expendables, Crank, and The Transporter. Anthony Hopkins from The Silence of the Lambs, The Mask of Zorro, Nixon, and Amistad. The iconic Hannibal Lecter is going to take this point.
Best CastBen Foster (X-Men 3) and Donald Sutherland (The Italian Job). I didn't recognize anyone else from this movie. Anthony Hopkins' salary probably equals Jason, Ben, and Donald's. Mechanic wins for Best Cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Simon West also directed Con Air, Tomb Raider, and When a Stranger Calls. Mikael Hafstrom has also directed 1408. Con Air gives Simon the street cred he needs to win this round.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Mechanic scores 4 and 1/2 points and The Rite scores 2 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a critically acclaimed movie, go watch The King's Speech. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Mechanic is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Anthony Hopkins and Donald Sutherland starred in the movie Instinct together. You probably don't recall that movie (and in a few years you probably won't recall The Mechanic or The Rite either).
Conclusion 3: The Mask of Zorro. That's the movie you should watch this weekend.