Make an Argument
By Eric Hughes
November 3, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
When I think Hollywood horror icons, my mind immediately races to Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. Of course there’s also Leatherface, Pinhead, the Children of the Corn kiddies… yet all of ‘em pale in comparison, I think, to the industry’s more renowned slasher heavyweights.
Halloween, actually, is widely credited as the first slasher flick – inspired, in many ways, by Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. And its villain, Michael Myers, has long been my favorite. That’s because around this time about a decade ago AMC ran a marathon of Halloween and many of its sequels, and from then on I was freakin’ hooked.
Almost 30 years after the release of the original Halloween, Rob Zombie had the bright idea to re-imagine John Carpenter’s original movie by writing, directing and producing a version of his own. Made for $15 million, the update was a surprise success, grossing more than $58 million in the States alone.
Friday the 13th (2009) and A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) followed, and did great business, too. Friday the 13th, actually, broke the record for biggest opening weekend ever for a horror movie when it achieved $40.5 million in three days. (Sex and the City is not technically a horror movie, so its three-day $56.8 million doesn’t figure into this).
After watching A Nightmare on Elm Street just a few weeks ago, I’ve seen all three remakes and felt it appropriate to compare them to give you an idea of which of ‘em are worth seeing, and which should probably be avoided all together.
Just in time for Halloween – whoops! – here are my thoughts on each, from “seriously, don’t waste your time and effort” to “dude, you haven’t seen this yet?”
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Of the three, A Nightmare on Elm Street is the horror franchise I have the least familiarity with, yet that doesn’t really factor into my reasoning for why I disliked the remake so much. Why, then, didn’t I care for it? Because it’s awful, that’s why!
I think horror movies run the risk of being exposed as the cash grabs that they are more so than other film genres. Documentaries would be the industry’s most well intentioned genre – with political dramas, animated family fare and the like falling somewhere in between.
So, to label A Nightmare on Elm Street a “cash grab” is ridiculous. It’s redundant, really. New Line didn’t make another Nightmare on Elm Street movie because its filmmakers wanted to explore the roots of the franchise or intellectually challenge themselves to make something of value. The filmmakers worked on A Nightmare on Elm Street because it paid well. (The franchise’s grandfather, Wes Craven, wasn’t even consulted).
Anyway, all of it was on obvious display as I was watching the movie. For one, the script is a disaster and a half. Lines like “I’m so afraid. All I want to do is go to sleep, but if I do he’s going to kill me like Dean” are peppered throughout the piece, making supposed dramatic scenes rather hilarious. A Nightmare on Elm Street, actually, was the lone title of the three that I laughed at. The other two – Friday the 13th and Halloween – just didn’t seem so silly to me.
Also unfortunate was the absence of Robert Englund, who prior to the update had been in every Nightmare on Elm Street film. (Yes, even Freddy vs. Jason). Halloween and Friday can get away with this sort of thing because their villains hide behind masks (and, relatedly, don’t speak). Nightmare, however, carries the burden of featuring a baddie who not only has a face, but is a Chatty Cathy, too.
Anyway, Jackie Earle Haley played Freddy way too stiffly. Like Gail Simmons, who’s not really hosting Top Chef: Just Desserts but is merely acting out her idea of one, Jackie wasn’t a horror villain (nay, an icon) by any means in Nightmare. Instead he was, again, playing the idea. Much of what may have creeped audiences out about the movie – if anything at all – was probably based on their respective history with Freddy, and Jackie playing catch up to replicate those experiences.
Friday the 13th
I think the driving point for me with Friday the 13th is that I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did. I went in with really no expectations at all. I hadn’t seen a Friday film in awhile – Freddy vs. Jason, Jason X… can you blame me? – and maybe that sort of thing worked in my favor.
I liked that in the update Jason realizes he can get from point A to point B a hell of a lot faster by running. He’s a slick dude, really, and a lot more agile than I remember him being. Basically, he isn’t that familiar, painfully slow beast, but a pretty terrifying villain who sprints through the woods welding a sharp machete. Kinda like how zombies nowadays don’t take their time in approaching their next victims. They scurry around like idiots.
Jason’s playthings – the characters – are fairly interchangeable, so there’s really no use in digging into their personalities and motivations. I think the movie’s low point is the lack of foresight into its supposed protagonists. They’re the typical good guys of a horror movie: Twenty-somethings who drink and sex each other whenever they can – even when one of their own is in the woods in the first place to look for a missing sibling.
Halloween
Maybe too many allusions to Halloween at the beginning of this column gave away what would be my favorite of the remakes. Yet biases aside, Rob Zombie’s Halloween is the best of the updates. I think the leading reason for this is in Zombie’s supposed intention on re-creating the experience of a Halloween movie, but with a twist.
The role of Dr. Loomis, a character who plays a predominant role in most of the movies in the franchise, went to Malcolm McDowell, who knocked it out of the park. It would have been way easy for casting to insert some nobody in the fold and then be all like “Look, people! The new Halloween movie has Loomis!” But lo, that didn’t happen.
McDowell truly was an inspired choice, and was masterful in his delivery as Michael’s arch nemesis. It’s no mystery that the late Donald Pleasence, who played Loomis in five Halloween features, would have respected Malcolm’s performance. (Or, performances, as Malcolm stuck around for Halloween II, which was released two years later).
Also of note, and a particular favorite of mine, was the casting of Danielle Harris as Laurie Strode’s friend, Annie Brackett. Harris, of course, played Laurie Strode’s daughter (and, well, Michael’s niece) in Halloween 4 and 5, and is probably best known for ending Halloween 4 on a chilling note when she stabs a woman in the eyes with scissors – like Michael did to his sister. Now, all grown up, the then-30-year-old Danielle played a convincing high schooler.
I don’t think it was the Weinsteins or anything who insisted that Harris nab a role in the film. Instead, I think it was all Zombie, who re-imagined Halloween because he wanted to. He knew Halloween devotees would appreciate talent like Harris back in the fold. And it didn’t feel contrived in the way that Jamie Lee Curtis would have.
Anyway, Halloween the film is grisly and, a friend of mine put it best, relentless. It isn’t so much entertaining as it is brutal. Of the three, it seemed to be the most well intentioned, as much of it early on is devoted to Michael’s experiences as a lad and how he became a monster. Zombie’s reimagining, actually, introduces a central person in Michael’s life – his mother – as a supporting character.