This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for August 20, 2010
By Curt David
August 20, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Oooh, stinky fish breath!
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Mrs. Henderson Presents, Driving Miss Daisy, and Miss Congeniality all have different genres ). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (I saw Catherine Zeta-Jones' The Rebound in South America!!!! It has not been released in the USA).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of August 20th, the movies in wide release are Lottery Ticket, Nanny McPhee Returns, Piranha 3D, The Switch, and Vampires Suck.

Lottery Ticket Nanny McPhee Returns Piranha 3D The Switch Vampires Suck WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThere's a 99% chance a movie with this title is about the ramifications of someone having a winning lotto ticket There's a 99% chance that a movie with this title is a sequel to the kids' film Nanny McPhee. There's a 60% chance that this is a horror film and 40% chance that this is a nature documentary There's a 10% chance that this is a kids' film about a magical lightswitch in a bedroom. Hahahah. This title is awesome since suck has two meanings! 75% chance it is a horror comedy. Lottery Ticket and Nanny McPhee Returns split the point for having the clearest title.
Best Genre
and Rating		Comedy

Rated PG-13 for sexual content, language including a drug reference, some violence, and brief underage drinking. 		Family/Fantasy

Rated PG for rude humor, some language, and thematic elements. 		Horror

Rated R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, sexual content, graphic nudity, some language, and drug use. 		Romantic Comedy

Rated PG-13 for mature thematic content, sexual material including dialogue, some nudity, drug use, and language. 		Comedy

Rated PG-13 for crude sexual content, comic violence, language, and teen partying. 		Assuming I know what goes on at "teen partying," then Nanny McPhee will win this point for not having any alcohol/drugs in the movie.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"Winning is just the beginning. Surviving is another story"

I expected this tagline.

1/5 stars 		"You'll believe that pigs can fly!"

Cute. It nicely incorporates that figure of speech.

3/5 stars 		"This summer 3D shows its teeth"

Classic tagline. Shows the date, references the plot, and has a play on words.

4/5 		"The most unexpected comedy ever conceived"

I get it. Jennifer Aniston uses the wrong sperm, and hilarity ensues.

3/5 		"Some sagas just won't die"

Ha. Either referring to the Twilight Saga or referring to spoof movies.

3/5 		Piranha 3D will split the point for the best tagline with Vampires Suck, which has the cleverest title of the year.
Best Part of TrailerI didn't laugh, but I was intrigued, and "I want to have your baby." Looks cute. Laughed once. Almost shed a tear. I think I saw some scientific inaccuracies, but looks good for horror fans It didn't look bad. I sort of want to see it. Perhaps the only funny moments were in the trailer, but I actually laughed a lot. I probably won't see any of these movies. If I had to, based on the trailers, I would see The Switch, hence the point.
Coolest Lead ActorBow Wow, formerly rapper Lil' Bow Wow, was in Like Mike and Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Two-time Academy- Award winner Emma Thompson was in Sense and Sensibility, Love Actually, and the Harry Potters. Academy-Award winner Richard Dreyfuss was in Jaws, Close Encounters, What About Bob, and Mr. Holland's Opus. Jennifer Aniston was in Friends, Office Space, Bruce Almighty, and Marley & Me. Matt Lanter from the new 90210, Disaster Movie, and Anakin's voice in The Clone Wars. Richard Dreyfuss and Emma Thompson will split the point for their impressive resumes.
Best Cast MemberLoretta Devine (Boston Public, Eli Stone) and Ice Cube (Boyz in the Hood, Are We There Yet?) Maggie Gyllenhaal (The Dark Knight) and Dame Maggie Smith (Sister Act, Harry Potter) Ving Rhames (Mission: Impossible, Pulp Fiction) and Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future) Jason Bateman (Arrested Development, Juno) and Jeff Goldblum (Jurassic Park) Ken Jeong (Community, The Hangover) and Arielle Kebbel (Gilmore Girls, Grudge 2) The Switch and Nanny McPhee Returns are going to split the point for the best cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer and Director Erik White has also directed music videos. Director Susanna White has also directed several TV shows. Director Alexandre Aja has also directed The Hills Have Eyes. Directors Will Speck and Josh Gordon have also directed Blades of Glory. Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg have also written and directed Meet the Spartans and Epic, Disaster, and Date Movie. I don't see any street cred sticking out compared to the others. So 1/5th of a point all around.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Nanny McPhee Returns scores 2 and 7/10 points, The Switch scores 1 and 7/10 points, Piranha 3D scores 1 and 1/5 points, and Lottery Ticket and Vampires Suck score 7/10 point each.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like creature horror films, watch Piranha 3D. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Nanny McPhee Returns is the movie to watch this weekend (followed by The Switch).
Conclusion 2: I would recommend watching the trailer for Vampires Suck. Just the trailer.
Conclusion 3: Bow Wow is 23 years old. I assumed he would be younger than that, and still in middle school.