Big Brother 12, Week 5
By Eric Hughes
August 15, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
And that, my friends, is just one of the many, many absurd things you can only hear on Big Brother.
Actually, this summer, more than ever before, the challenges just seem to be so… weird. And dangerous. Britney nearly injured herself in the one that opened the season (you know, when the houseguests had to jump onto giant wieners – looooong story). Weeks later, she nearly choked to death after securing herself to a rotating platform with tape.
This time around, the remaining contestants stood on the outside of a giant paint can while paintbrushes smacked them in their faces and guns plastered their poor faces, clothes, even nostrils with paint. So, tamer… but still.
Ragan said, rightfully, that “Big Brother is getting [his] laundry bill.” He also joked that the contest left him with many a Stevie Wonder moment. The paint not only blinded him, but left him thinking, “What… is going on?”
First to exit the competish, after Kathy of course, was surprisingly Brendon. Rachel took the news a bit harder than I expected. She figured that with the loss she and Brendon would be one step closer to digging their own graves.
It’s funny when you take a look at the situation out of context. She’d mad, really, because her boy toy couldn’t remain on a giant paint can long enough to ensure his safety within a house full of idiots. It just doesn’t add up.
After the competition, which Matt ended up winning, Rachel and Brendon got into their customary fight. I feel like this kind of thing has been instituted as a standard within the halls of the Big Brother editing room.
Up in Matt’s HoH room, the houseguests – save for Brachel – were having a gay ol’ time making fun of, you guessed it, Brachel. All this required was being exaggeratingly ecstatic over the things in Matt’s room. Said Britney: “We were trying to act like ridiculous versions of Rachel. … And she just didn’t get it.”
We also learned that the houseguests developed a game called Trapped. Basically, the game’s lone rule is to never be left in a room with Brachel. Otherwise, you’re Trapped. (Get it?!). Speaking on behalf of the house, Britney proclaimed that the last place any of ‘em ever wanted to be – on earth – is trapped in a room with Brachel. Shame.
In other news, Big Brother brought back Pandora’s Box, and current HoH Matt accepted the offer. For opening the box – or in Big Brother’s case, a door – Matt earned the Diamond Power of Veto, which is basically the fancy pants way of saying he can’t be evicted for the next two weeks.
Because of Matt’s greed, a consequence was bestowed on the house in a brand new Saboteur. Ragan was chosen by America to fill the Saboteur’s shoes and he, too, accepted.
By this point, CBS must be like a pig in poop for Ragan accepting the offer. The season’s previous Saboteur lasted just a week.
Before Brendon and Rachel were nominated for eviction, Rachel got in a serious tiff with Ragan over nothing really. She implied that Ragan and Matt were a “pair” (i.e. an alliance), and Ragan was strangely offended by the comment. The argument would bite her in the ass later in the week.
On Wednesday’s show, Brendon and Rachel reeled over their respective eviction nominations. They also forewent a night of sleep so that they could improve their bowling skills.
No, they weren’t emulating Norm Duke for no apparent reason. They were practicing for the Power of Veto competition, which this week was about knocking down a series of pins. Knowing that no one would use the PoV on either of them, Brachel took matters into their own hands.
Rachel’s battle cry: “Like, this is my house and I want to stay in it!”
Big Brother 11’s Jeff and Jordan swung by for the PoV competition. Their presence, though a good thing, reminded me how much I liked last year’s cast compared to this year’s.
Rachel was first to go and managed to knock down six pins (out of 10). Then Kathy, challenged by Rachel, entered the field and unexpectedly beat her 7-6. Like a sane person, Kathy celebrated her victory with a brief “yay!” This, we’d come to find out, would set Rachel on fire. More on that in a bit.
Then Brendon proved his worth when he managed to knock over just three pins. So right off the bat, team Brachel was done. His better half complained: “I feel like a monkey probably could have knocked over four pins.”
With Brachel gone, the rest of the house seemed to have a good time with the game. Matt related the experience to being at Chuck E. Cheese. Obviously, the rest of the house kinda hates Brachel.
So after Britney won PoV, Rachel stormed into the house and pulled Kathy aside. Essentially, she screamed at Kathy for celebrating her victory, which Rachel said lacked class. She wanted an apology, and Kathy stubbornly said no.
As the thing went on, Rachel’s argument grew more and more pathetic. It was a good one though. Houseguests like Britney (“Are they fighting? I want to go listen!”) came out of the woodwork to eavesdrop on the scuffle. And I don’t blame ‘em. I would have too.
Ragan, I think, summed it up best: “She’s mad at you… because you were happy at yourself?”
Britney, however, had the quote of the night. After summing up the injustice in Rachel’s argument – mostly because Rachel has rubbed her personal achievements in other peoples’ faces all season – Britney backed Kathy into a corner and said: “Kathy, if you apologize to her I will slap you in the face.”
Let’s just say Kathy didn’t get slapped in that face.
Realizing that her game was on the line, Rachel approached Britney and asked if there was any chance she’d used her PoV on either herself or Brendon. Britney said absolutely not. Then Rachel asked Britney if she thought the house would really vote herself and Brendon out. Britney hilariously said she was “a hundred, thousand percent sure.”
Rachel, days before her possible eviction, still had not a clue that no one likes her – save for Brendon.
At the PoV ceremony, Brendon attempted to keep Rachel in the game by saying some nasty things about his fellow houseguests. He figured that getting his peers to hate him would paint a larger target on his back. Among other things, Brendon called Britney selfish and basically an awful human being.
On Thursday’s show, Brendon lost his marbles after overhearing what he thought was a personal attack on Rachel by Ragan. It was all a misunderstanding, really. But as Britney pointed out, “the Neanderthal is marching,” so the involved houseguests catered to Brendon’s needs before bashing him for getting his facts wrong.
Britney, actually, did a mock Neanderthal walk just for Brendon, which, by the way, made me love her even more than I already do. The girl is fun.
Before the live vote, Brendon told Rachel that he’d give up half a million dollars for her. Rachel, of course, took the bait. Yet you have to remember: Brendon doesn’t exactly have Big Brother’s cash prize at his disposal. So it’s easy for him to say. Am I right?
Soon enough, Rachel got evicted live on television. And a little awkwardness ensued in her boyfriend getting stuck in a house with roommates who hate his guts. I’d be surprised if Brendon didn’t follow Rachel out the door next week.