Top Chef Recap
By Jason Lee
July 22, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
...but most of all, I’m super stunned about the revelation that Hot Angelo is straight? Excuse me? He’s straight and apparently crushing on Tamesha? That’s really weird because I could have sworn that he was gay. I mean, he looks and acts so...gay. Granted, I don’t have the best gaydar on the planet, but I didn’t think that he could be interested in Tamesha because, you must understand, she doesn’t have a penis.
Anyhow, this DC season is certainly turning out to be an open race. So far, we’ve had six different winners (Quickfire and Elimination) over the past five episodes. It’s a pretty stark contrast to last season when three cheftestants hogged all but one of the Elimination Challenge wins (with the other win going to my beloved Jen).
For today’s Quickfire, the cheftestants walk into the kitchen and see Michelle Bernstein. I love her. She’s got such a radiant smile and you can just tell that she loves food. My fondest memory of her is from the Season 3 finale when she struggled to try and find something nice to say about Kacie’s pork belly dish. Poor Michelle. She had to work so hard.
Anyhow, the tension immediately ratchets up a few notches with Andrea because she apparently has some sort of pseudo-rivalry with this James Beard Award winning chef. They both have restaurants in Miami and were both rising up through the culinary world at about the same time - except that Andrea took some time off to become a mom and Michelle Bernstein started winning James Beard Awards in the meantime. I mean, total rivalry...in the mind of one of them, I suppose.
The challenge for the cheftestants will be to make delicious dishes out of strange and exotic proteins. Crocodile, duck tongue, emu eggs, you get the idea. The chefs draw knives to determine the order in which they get to select their ingredient. Hot-But-Apparently-Straight Angelo goes in the middle of the pack and selects duck white kidneys. He walks back to his station with his lips pursed in thought.
“Do you know what those actually are?” Padma interrupts.
He looks down at his duck white kidneys, his face now creased with wariness.
“They’re duck testicles,” Michelle Bernstein tells him.
The entire kitchen erupts in laughter. I wonder idly to myself whether or not this is the first time he’s handled testicles that are not his own.
The cheftestants quickly get down to business of cooking their disgusting proteins. Amanda saws into her emu egg, Alex gleefully starts prepping his foie gras, Angelo decides to make a marshmallow out of his duck testicles (okay, okay, so maybe he doesn’t know how to handle testicles).
BUT WAIT. Padma strides into the kitchen with 30 minutes left in cooking time. Cheftestants are all on high alert.
“Please take over the protein to your immediate left,” she instructs them.
ST. CRAP. F*$#.
So not only are the chefs NOT HAPPY about their new protein (since they didn’t actually pick them), they only have half an hour left to figure out a new plan of action. Well, two chefs are happy. Amanda is gleeful to be rid of her emu egg, and Hot Angelo is thrilled to hand his testicles over to another man (yes, I got a kick out of writing that last part).
Thirty minutes later and the cheftestants submit their dishes to the scrutinizing review of Michelle and Padma. For the most part, it seemed obvious that most chefs had no idea what to do with their protein, submitting them to the most obvious cooking method possible. Andrea roasted her boar like a steak, Kelly turned her emu egg into an omelette, Tamesha makes a duck tongue soup. It seems all rather obvious.
On the bottom of the challenge are Stephen’s seared frog legs with confit (“insipid”), Alex’s ostrich barded in caul fat and basil (“dry and not sweet enough”), and Andrea's wild boar with risotto (“the boar was chewy and needed more cooking”). Andrea is totally pissed about being called out by her rival on national television, especially since she knows exactly what she did wrong.
On the top, we have Kelly with her emu egg omelette (“creamy and delicious”), Tamesha’s duck tongue soup (“cooked to perfection”) and Amanda’s roasted llama (“beautiful job”). Kelly wins with her omelette, and I gotta admit, I was pretty darn surprised. How good can an omelette be?
The Elimination Challenge will be in the spirit of the US-Russia Cold War. The cheftestants will be split into two groups, each making a dish served cold. Group A will serve their food to the judges plus Group B, and vice versa. Each group will be able to nominate one dish from the opposing team for the win and one for elimination. Immediately, the cheftestants know what they’re in for. This is all of a sudden Top Chef: Survivor. Will the groups nominate a “bad” dish for elimination or be crafty and nominate the dish from a strong chef, thereby reducing the competition for the title?
This is about to get VERY interesting.
(Incidentally, I think this whole challenge is brilliant. Not only are you actually forcing the cast to work against each other in two opposing camps (a la the Cold War), but you’re drawing on US history, you have a theme for the dishes, etc. Just brilliant.)
The cheftestants head onto a ship that’s been used by many famous presidents (like Nixon) while they grappled with some serious issues dealing with the Cold War (writing the Nuclear Arms Treaty). Whilst traveling down the Potomac River, they get to plan their dishes and conspire in little, snarky groups.
Kenny immediately thinks that the opposing group will want to put him up for elimination, since he’s obviously the best chef in the cast (*coughcough* yeahright *coughcough*). Amanda doesn’t think that her fellow chefs have grasped how divisive this challenge could get (I think they do). Angelo starts helping Stephen and Tamesha plan their dishes, which angers Kevin. He goes down to the bunk where Kenny is stewing and starts complaining to him. Wow, this is total Survivor.
Personally, I don’t have a problem with Angelo trying to help/manipulate his fellow chefs. That’s not his problem. If the chefs were stronger, they’d stand up for themselves and stay true to their own cuisine. The fact that they’re so willing to let Angelo help them says more about their own skill than any malicious intent on Hot-But-Apparently-Straight Angelo’s part.
The chefs head to Whole Foods for shopping. While there, Alex tells Tiffany that even if Stephen’s dish sucks, he won’t vote for him for Elimination “because he likes his personality in the house.” While telling this story, Tiffany makes a sour face. She then says, “It’s fine,” but in a tone of voice that indicates that it’s not.
Back in the kitchen, it’s Tamesha that’s doing the bitching. Amanda is running around like usual, complaining that the equipment is malfunctioning for her and using those instances as opportunities to yell in the kitchen (“DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY CHEESECLOTH? ANYONE?!?”).
Throughout the cooking process, most of the chefs are most worried about how truthful/honest/accurate the feedback will be when one group samples the other group’s food. Will they deliver praise when praise is due? Will they sabotage one chef by putting them unjustifiably up for elimination?
That question is about to be answered. We have a group comprised of Tiffany, Hot Angelo, Tamesha, Andrea and Stephen tasting first. They try Kenny’s duo of grilled lamb; Tiffany calls it chewy and Hot Angelo calls the combination of okra and lamb carpacio overly slimy. Alex serves up a sous-vide lamb with red beet puree but Andrea knocks it for not having enough salt. Kevin has a veal and tuna surf and turf, but Stephen says it lacks acidity.
At this point, Tom loses his temper with all the artificial bitching and moaning. “Did no one else get the meyer lemon slices?” he asks pointedly. Everyone looks down at their plate to see if they got lemon. “And the tomatoes, don’t they add acidity?”
Wow, smackdown of Stephen.
As for the rest of the dishes, Amanda serves up a chicken galantine in which Andrea finds a big piece of cartilage (bad news). Lastly, we have Ed’s sockeye salmon on pumpernickel bread. Angelo compares the bread to a dry sponge.
It’s time for the group to nominate one dish for the win and they unanimously pick Kevin. As for elimination, they all pick Kenny, save for Andrea who chooses Amanda due to the chicken cartilage. Interesting, very interesting. I’ll be eager to hear what the judges think to see if this is gamesmanship or if Kenny’s dish was really that bad.
Before we watch Group B cook, we have a short vignette in which Andrea talks to Ed about Angelo, whom she calls “the ring leader” and “the one who possesses people’s minds.” She’s clearly referring to Angelo’s tendency to exert influence over the dishes of his competitors. Ed, ready to dump on Angelo as well, tells her, “It’s okay, I f**ked his girlfriend.” He further elaborates saying that they knew each other in college and that he started to date a girl while she was dating Angelo.
It’s worth saying again: Hot Angelo is STRAIGHT?!?! He just seems so...gay.
Anyhow, it’s time for him and his team to cook and for the other team to dine.
“Boy, you should have heard what the other team said about your food,” Tom jokes as they sit down. *said between clenched teeth* TOM-THAT’S-NOT-HELPING. Sigh, these chefs are pissed off as it is. Let’s not throw oil on the fire.
Tiffany presents a peppercorn-crusted ahi tuna in gaspacho. Alex calls the sear “perfect.” Andrea has a trio of tartares and Kenny says it needs more seasoning. Stephen has a chilled beef with crispy rice and Kenny says it doesn’t blow his socks off. Tamesha has a lightly seared scallop with pickled rhubarb jus, which had a texture that didn’t thrill Kevin. Angelo has a slow-poached sockeye salmon with pineapple tea and Kenny says he couldn’t appreciate the flavor of the salmon.
For the win, Kevin likes Angelo’s dish the best but everyone else picks Tiffany. For elimination, Tamsha is the unanimous choice.
The next scene in the Stew Room, when Group A comes clean about who they picked in Group B, is fantastic reality television. Andrea tells Amanda that she had a big piece of cartilage in her chicken and Amanda is instantly sure that she’s going home. Hot Angelo gleefully tells Kenny (but in a somber tone of voice) that everyone else picked his dish for elimination, saying that no one understood the vision of the dish. Kenny instantly blames it on his “being a threat” to everyone else in the competition.
Padma calls Tiffany and Kevin before the judges, the two chefs up for the win. Padma congratulates them both on being nominated for the win by their opposing groups and each chef smiles...but not huge smiles. They’re both wondering if there’s some sort of strategy in their selection.
But then, Tom tells them that the judges pretty much agreed with the chef’s choices. Gail loved the textural contrast in Kevin’s dish and Tom appreciated Tiffany’s consistent sear on all sides of her protein. Michelle says that the winning dish was the most refreshing and that everyone wanted to keep eating it - and it’s KEVIN. Wow. He’s surprised and so am I.
But, of course, there’s bad news, too. Tamesha and Kenny are up for elimination. Padma asks Tamesha if she’s surprised that she’s here and she is. Gail questions the use of her long pepper, saying that it was really strong and really overpowering. Michelle Bernstein really had a problem with the cooking of the scallop, which left it cooked on one side but raw on the other. Tom says the scallop got lost in the dish.
As for Kenny, Tom criticizes the fact that Kenny didn’t have anything in his dish that tied his two components together. Gail said that he diluted his flavors. Padma asks why he thinks he was voted in the bottom and Kenny responds by saying that he was a threat.
“As someone who just got here,” Michelle interjects, “I didn’t enjoy the flavors of the dish. If I talked about each component of the dish, it would take me until the end of the show.”
Wow, so Kenny wants to blame interpersonal behaviors on his being up for elimination, but Michelle Bernstein says that even though she knew nothing coming in, she didn’t like his dish. So there. Stupid pompous Kenny. He really grates on me.
The judges make final cases for each chef going home. Kenny’s dish was anything but straightforward, with Tom calling the lamb “gummy” and saying that he disliked the puree. Gail says that Tamesha’s flavors were at war with each other, Tom says that it wasn’t put together well and Michelle hated the way it was cooked.
So yeah, sounds like Tamesha is going home.
And indeed, Padma tells her that she is. Most in the cast seem to blame Angelo for Tamesha going home. He had, after all, been mentoring her and had helped to design her dishes. Andrea even notes that he tasted every component of Tamesha’s losing dish and wonders if he set her up to go home. I doubt this. Hot-But-Apparently-Straight Angelo wouldn’t have set her up to go home before getting in her pants at least once. Because that’s what Hot-But-Apparently-Straight people do. Try and get into the pants of cute girls.
Insert sarcastic smirk here.