Big Brother 12: Week 1
By Eric Hughes
July 18, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Per Big Brother custom, it opened with one of the houseguests rehashing news we learned in a previous episode. Having known that one of the season’s 13 houseguests was actually playing the game as a saboteur, Rachel made sure everyone (or just her) was on the same page by saying, “Someone has to be in here that did it.”
A mini witch hunt commenced, in which the contestants threw out possible saboteur suspects. Some thought it was Andrew, because he declined to play in the first Head of Household competition. Others thought Brendon, because he went to go brush his teeth when the lights turned out.
As for me? I don’t really care. I just think pretty boy Hayden needs a haircut. He looks like a schmuck.
Speaking of Hayden, he led the train to his bedroom since he was the week’s HoH. The houseguests didn’t have much to say about the way it was decorated, save for Ragan, who said he felt more secure about Hayden as HoH because his photos were more conservative than expected and didn’t feature him shirtless.
Annie, Brendon and Rachel chillaxed on the outdoor hammock. Rachel grinned ear to ear while talking to Brendon and reverted to full valley girl mode when she learned that Brendon, like her, enjoys science.
Rachel: “When Brendon told me he was a physicist, I literally wanted to just like jump his bones. I was like, ‘oh my god.’ Like I literally just fell in love with this kid.”
In a talking head, Brendon revealed that he’s really attracted to Rachel, and that he thinks she’s really smart and more than the big, bubbly boobed girl from Las Vegas. Brendon, you had me at smart.
Back on the hammock, they exchange everything but vows, making Annie uncomfortable.
Annie: “I felt very awkward. Like I was watching my parents have sex. I mean it was something that I don’t want to be a part of. … I was literally the cream to the scientific cookie.”
Hayden and Italian/Jersey kid Enzo bonded over keeping in shape, muscles and other manly stuff. In a talking head, Enzo talked about how you’ve got to go to the guy in charge when starting a mafia. He’s a walking stereotype, and I love it.
Eventually, he, Hayden, Lane and Matt (Enzo calls him Mattie) formed an alliance called the Brigade. They also, thanks to Enzo, got nicknames. (Enzo: “I want to nickname the team. I want nicknames for everybody.”) Lane is the beast, Hayden the animal and Mattie the brains. Enzo? He’s… the meow meow? The jury’s still out on what that means.
In a talking head, Lane said he doesn’t know whether Enzo is from New Jersey or Philly. That’s about right.
The houseguests play a game to determine who would be the have-nots for the week. In it, the contestants had to jump into a pool of caramel, then jump into a gigantic bin of popcorn. In the popcorn were teeth, which needed to be collected and carried to the other side of the yard.
Monet said jumping into the caramel felt like her legs were getting waxed, and Brendon didn’t bother pulling up his shorts when they fell to his knees. Also of interest: Kathy, who’s a deputy sheriff in Arkansas, was the slug of the caramel pool in Big Brother. She legit laid there for like ten minutes, half expecting the flow of the caramel to push her to the other side.
The losers of the competition received keys to the have-not room. This year, the room doesn’t have beds, but chaise lounge chairs. Also: maggots. In jars.
Rachel: “America, there are maggots that are supposed to sleep right next to my head. Worst room ever!”
That evening, Hayden nominated Brendon and Rachel for eviction. According to him, Brendon was unaccounted for during the saboteur blackout, and Rachel failed to connect with (read: sleep with?) Hayden.
In a talking head, Enzo tooted his own horn by blabbering about how he’s a genius and a mastermind for getting Hayden to vote the way he wanted him to. He, too, literally spat out a “fuhgeddaboudit” – as if his status as an Italian male had been called into question.
On Wednesday’s show, Rachel and Brendon reacted to their nominations.
“Do you think they did that to stop us from hanging out?” said Rachel, alone with Brendon, in the bedroom. It was delicious.
As for Hayden, he stood firm with his selections. He admitted to his brigade that things “could not have worked out any perfect-er.” And to think that Hayden and his baby face probably gets laid more than I do. Shame.
Realizing that one of them may be heading home this week, Rachel and Brendon made zero effort to separate themselves from each other and decided to get all cuddly on the hammock. They even broke out a blanket, covered themselves with it and played some suck face.
Next was the Power of Veto competition. Brendon, who may be a believer in The Secret, repeated “I will win, I will win” over and over again in an empty room. To his surprise, he did.
The competition had six players cracking open mayonnaise-filled piñatas, retrieving letters inside the goop and spelling a word with them. Longest word won.
Brendon’s “understanding,” took the prize at 13 letters. Meanwhile, Enzo only managed seven letters with “factory.”
Britney, whose dry wit has quickly turned her into my favorite player this season, used Rachel’s word, “chemistry,” as fodder for a lil’ hate.
Britney: “Rachel was dying to spell a word that had to do with science because you know she considers herself to be some kind of like brilliant scientist, in case you weren’t aware. Please, she makes her money” – points to her chest – “right here.”
The saboteur returned and told the houseguests that two people in the house are lifelong friends. Kristen said she thinks it’s Matt and Annie because “they come from the same walks of life.” Andrew, however, figured it to be Matt and Ragan because Ragan is gay, and Matt may be too, and the two are in a secret relationship with each other.
Anyway, at the PoV ceremony, Brendon removed himself from the chopping block, forcing Hayden to choose a new nominee. He picked Annie, who immediately put a target on her back by blaming Britney for whispering lies into Hayden’s ears. Britney gave her a dirty look, and maybe the promise of a cat fight in the week’s live eviction episode.
On Thursday’s show, Mattie boasted, “the brigade is running the house. It’s almost comical!” Mattie, it's sure easy to say these things when one of your own has the power to nominate players for eviction and then also choose replacement nominees?
Following the PoV ceremony, Annie became the season’s first houseguest to have a total meltdown on camera. This happens every year – and this early in the game – so I wasn’t too bent out of shape about it. Brendon, however, was, and offered consolation by wiping away her tears and allowing her to nestle in his upper body.
Later, Brendon interrupted his make-out sesh with Rachel to give her the 411 on Annie. Rachel, like a sane person, was having none of it, and Brendon couldn’t understand why Rachel wasn’t being more supportive.
Brendon, on playing Big Brother: “I’m not cut out for this.” Douche chillllll.
Annie revealed herself to be the saboteur. Then, she got eliminated from the game by a unanimous 10-0 vote. This is hysterical because the season’s “big twist” is over.
So much for Big Brother’s promise to be “the most challenging summer ever.”