This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for May 7, 2010
By Curt David
May 7, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of May 7th, the only new movie in wide release is Iron Man 2. I will compare watching that movie with studying for my college finals.
| Iron Man 2 | Studying for a Final | Winner (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | I won't know for sure until I watch the trailer, but this seems like the sequel to Iron Man. | I won't know for sure until I get my grade back, but this seems like an epic failure. | I was planning to study all Saturday night, but now I'm going to go watch Iron Man 2. It gets the point for the clearest title. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Superhero Adventure
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence, and some language. | Horror
Rated R for strong sequences of insomnia, crying, usage of Red Bull, and excessive wearing of sweatpants. | It's time for a good ol' Marvel universe movie. Point once again for Iron Man 2. |
| Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | "N/A"
WHAT??? No tagline?!?!? You are one of the biggest releases of the year and you don't have a tagline?? 0/5 stars | "Never sleep again"
Okay, so I just kept the same tagline up from last week's A Nightmare on Elm Street. Clever. 2/5 stars | "Have you had your daily dose of Iron?" or "What's more powerful than one Iron Man?"
People should hire me to write taglines. Point for studying finals. |
| Best Part of Trailer | Whoa, there were like two good Iron Men, one bad Iron Man, and a bunch of bad robotic Iron Men. There's going to be some action in this film. | Watching the trailer of Iron Man 2 is the only good thing about my life this weekend. | I hate studying. I wish I was Tony Stark. Point for Iron Man 2. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Robert Downey Jr. You have seen him in Tropic Thunder, Sherlock Holmes, and on Ally McBeal. You probably did not watch him in The Shaggy Dog and Gothika. | Myself. Because I'm 'acting' like I know the difference between ionic and covalent bonding. | Robert Downey Jr.'s picture is beside the phrase "Coolest lead actor" in the dictionary. Point for him. |
| Best Cast Member | Scarlett Johansson. You have seen her in He's Just Not That Into You and Lost in Translation. You probably did not watch her in The Island. | I think about Scarlett Johansson way too much while I'm studying finals. | Way too much. Point for her. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Director Jon Favreau has directed Iron Man and Elf and has acted in a lot of movies (usually with Vince Vaughn or Will Ferrell). | What? I'm sorry, I was still thinking about Scarlett Johansson. | I think it's cool that Mr. Favreau is a successful actor AND director. Point for him. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Iron Man 2 scores 6 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you have finals to study for, you probably should not watch this movie. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Iron Man 2 is the guaranteed best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Despite saying it in the article, I don't know if the correct plural of Iron Man is indeed Iron Men...perhaps it is Iron Mans.
Conclusion 3: Congratulations to Catherine Zeta-Jones for her Tony nomination!