The Amazing Race Recap
“They don’t even understand their own language.”
By Daron Aldridge
May 4, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Can you believe he never figured out I'm a dirty cop? If you watched the show, you can.

“They don’t even understand their own language.” – Brent criticizing the Chinese language barrier. Ironically, the Chinese could justifiably make the same criticism of Brent.

With only two episodes left, last week’s non-elimination that spared Team Super Fuzz must have been the last one for the season. There will no longer be Phil’s voiceover of “the last team to check in MAY be eliminated.” Whoever hits the mat last tonight is outta here.

That reality is not particularly good news for Michael and Louie, who now have to perform a Speed Bump, which hasn’t been too daunting for the other teams this season, as they all have survived their leg with the extra task.

This penultimate episode begins with cowboys Jet and Cord leaving the mat in Shanghai at 8:02 a.m. and must find the “Garden Bridge” that the locals only know by its Chinese name, which I will not attempt to butcher here. After last week’s glimpse into the personal lives of the cowboys, more biographical info is spilled by Cord. Apparently, years ago, the hazard of being a cowboy caught up to Cord when he was trampled by a horse and hospitalized with a vague outlook for survival. Cord says that his brother was by his hospital bed the entire time. Surviving such a physical and emotional ordeal hints at why they work together so well. They are enjoying the Race but have a perspective on it and life that other teams have lacked.

Immediately, Jet and Cord find a local woman who points them to where she thinks they are supposed to go…but she’s wrong. Despite the clue consisting of only five simple words (“Go to the Garden Bridge”), the language gap is becoming a clear and possibly insurmountable obstacle.

Next off the mat 30 minutes later is Team Zoolander (or South Carolina if you aren’t feeling sarcastic) and Caite uses her interview time to continue lamenting the public’s reaction to get over her astonishingly horrid Miss Teen USA performance from three years ago. I wonder if she could help that cause by getting over it herself and not reminding us. Instead, the absence of her hatred for lesbians Brandy and Carol has been replaced by her commitment to prove all the naysayers wrong about her. I guess I fall into that category, so I am glad I could help motivate her.

While Brent and Caite get a solid assist from a lady who tells them where they should go and even writes it down to minimize a mess up with their pronunciation, the cowboys realize that they are in the wrong spot and have to find some correct guidance. Even with a taxi driver that has to call for directions, the boys seems to be soaking in this experience by joking and cutting up in the back of their cab.

In third place, brothers Dan and Jordan leave about 20 minutes after South Carolina and once again, Dan explains that he’s only there to give his brother his dream of finishing the Amazing Race and he can almost taste the million bucks.


Brent and Caite are the first at the Garden Bridge and find out that their first task awaits them at a Buddhist temple on the other side of the city. To complicate matters (thank you to the sneaky sneaky producers), teams cannot take a cab to this particular task. Sounds like the makings of another error-filled leg.

The models opt for the bus to take them to the temple and once again Caite brings up the embarrassing infamy of kids needing maps to find “The Iraq.” Her exact quote to summarize the situation, “Obviously, I can read maps because I can figure out where we are and where we are going…in China. So people, you can go screw yourselves.” While she clearly has worked hard to redeem herself throughout the course of the season, it is that snotty and “I’m too cool” attitude of hers that has me rooting for her elimination.

Jet and Cord rip open their clue and return to pay their cabbie but decide to get some free advice out of him about the best way to get to their temple destination. He instructs them to head to the metro train about a kilometer away.

With a handy time stamp on screen that shows that it has been over two hours since they left the mat, we see Dan and Jordan wandering around the pitstop area unsuccessfully getting help from locals about where the Garden Bridge is. The language barrier is so infuriating to them that Dan proclaims, “I HATE China and I will never be back.” Wow, that is quite the declaration. It is time for them to resurrect their earlier stated strategy of “never be alone and in last.” So, they decide to wait a bit longer there and try to tag team with Louie and Michael, because they knew the cops have a Speed Bump in their future. While I personally think it is risky to intentionally remain with other teams, like the brothers did on a previous leg, this approach has some solid merit to it this time.

Michael and Louie are rightfully thrilled to see the brothers because they were so far behind and Jordan’s lame attempt to snow the guys into thinking they stuck around to race with them is all for naught. Team Super Fuzz is the clear benefactor for this strategy.

Sadly, the race savvy team that Michael and Louie had become in the middle legs was cracked last time with the time wasting overlooking of the task location last leg. Well, Michael is still clinging onto his eagle eye spotting of the grapes in the vineyard previously and suggests they go up to a high point to use binoculars to spot the clue box. The pitfall here is overconfidence by the cops, with Louie definitively saying that a certain spot has to be the garden. Then, there is the blind acceptance of their suggestion by the brothers, who should have spoke up and pointed out they have already covered this area exhaustingly for over 120 minutes.

Brent and Caite’s bus pulls up to the temple and puts them in first place. This Buddhist temple is the site of the Roadblock and Caite decides that she will handle it for her team. The task is pretty straightforward with the person having to count all the gold statues in one of the rooms. The twist is that if they incorrectly guess 523, then they have to wait ten minutes before they can make another attempt. I know it’s not the nicest thing to derive pleasure from, but I love when they punish the teams for messing up. Especially when it happens to an arrogant team.

Brent explains that he is happy for Caite to take this challenge to prove that “she is not as dumb as everyone thinks.” I had to laugh at his backhanded compliment manner of phrasing that. Because when I hear this, I hear from Brent, “Oh, she’s dumb but just not as dumb as you think she is.” I highly doubt that was his intent but this isn’t the first time we’ve seen Brent have a verbal faux pas.

As Brent reflects on and seems to legitimately enjoy the cultural difference in how he worships his religion and the people in temple do so, Caite lowballs her first guess and has take her penalty. Fortunately for her, the urban public transportation system of Shanghai is taking its toll on our rurally-inclined team. They could have easily replaced Jet and Cord’s cowboy-themed muzak with the Green Acres theme (“Green Acres is the place for me, farm living is the live for me”) as the ‘boys struggle to find the train station.

Speaking of struggles, the clueless (meaning they can’t find the clue box and not a statement of their intelligence…all right…maybe a little) coupling of Super Fuzz and the brothers are still fruitlessly scanning the area with Michael’s binoculars, until he spies two coats hanging on sign. Both the detectives are convinced that this is where their clues are. The silence and nonparticipation of Dan and Jordan in any of these asinine decisions speaks volumes about how frustrated they are with this leg so far. Lo and behold, the coats have nothing to do with the Race. As an armchair Racer, the first flag that this was wrong would be the complete lack of a flag at all. There is always a red and yellow flag or route marker but I don’t have the benefit of years of police experience to shape my observational skills, so what do I know.

Back at the temple, Caite gets another strike on attempt number two and has to wait another ten minutes. At this rate, Jet and Cord may catch up as they are finally on the train.

With a crowd of people around them, none of whom have an idea about this Garden Bridge they are looking for, Michael has the brilliant notion to borrow one of their cell phones to call the Shanghai translation service and get the translator to tell their cabbie where to go. This is a great idea that hints at how smart the cops have played before but it is diminished by the significant time they wasted at this location.

With Super Fuzz’s cab leading the way, the downtrodden spirits of Dan and Jordan pile into their cab with the sole instruction to follow the other team. If that seems risky, well, it was. The cabs get separated easily because the brothers’ cabbie doesn’t follow his only direction to “follow that green cab.” It makes me wonder where he thought he was planning to take his passengers. At this point, Dan restrains himself because he is “going to get violent.” I don’t think anyone has been that angry at a taxi, since audiences (as small as they were) endured a certain Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon’s "comedy."

This isn’t déjà vu, just more of the same from Caite, who guesses incorrectly again, and the brothers finally show up. The cowboys are so focused on finding the clue box, they're completely blind to the fact that Brent was sitting on a wall just a few feet from their walkway. Jet even noticed their bags sitting there but not Brent himself. Jet takes the Roadblock and employs their normal approach of doing tasks calmly and methodically. He points out that there are two large statues standing that are not Buddhas, but confirms with the clue that they must count all the “gold statues” not just the ones of Buddha.

Jet gets it right on the first guess and Caite follows suit on her fourth try. Outside the temple there are motorcycles with sidecars waiting to take them to their next task. Both teams are off and speeding through the streets of Shanghai.

I can no longer refer to them as the Clueless Coupling as they have finally made it to the Garden Bridge. Amazingly, Dan and Jordan’s cabbie caught up to Super Fuzz. The brothers must have let out a huge sigh of relief that they must ditch their taxi per the clue. They get some guidance to take a bus to the temple and will continue battling for last place.

Brent and Caite get dropped off and begin searching the Yuyuan Gardens (a market) for the clue. Brent sees an actual garden and goes to see if it is there, to which Caite (correctly) says that it probably won’t be in an actual garden since that is just the name of the place. To which Mr. Anonymous replies, “I know I am just trying to get a barrier…gawd.” I may be mistaken because I am not fluent in Brent, but I believe he was looking for the word “bearings”. Nice try, big fella. They get to the market and in describing the crowds and chaos of the market, Caite breaks off a Chinese impression that would be make a Breakfast at Tiffany's-era Mickey Rooney proud. I am embarrassed for her.

Jet and Cord have also arrived and are weaving their way through the people to find the clue. The Detour options are Pork Chops and Pork Dumplings. For Chops, they have to go to a shop and find a hand-carved stamp (or chop) with their names and a pig on it. For Dumplings, they have to carry ten orders of dumplings from one side of the market to another. Given how close the Chops task is to the clue box, that would be my selection and it is theirs also.

The cowboys start through the stamps. Brent and Caite arrive at Chops and the bickering begins. The origin of this argument serves two purposes: we get a look at the rules of Detour challenges and further proof that one of Brandy and Carol’s comparisons for Brent might be accurate. Brent is pacing around the shop because he can’t concentrate on looking for stamps thanks to his overwhelming need to go to the bathroom. Apparently it’s one of the rules that if a teammate leaves the Detour (e.g. to use the potty), then the other person has to stop until they return. With an “I gotta pee,” Brent is living up to the lesbians Brent Gump label as he recreates Forrest meeting JFK. I must say Brent is right that Caite is not as dumb as I thought she was but I might have been right on the mark about him.

Caite finally relents and they step across the way to a restaurant so he could take care of business. The only other option would be that if Brent had a stockpile of Depends in his backpack.

Dan and Jordan and Michael and Louie get to the Roadblock and see that the cops have to complete their Speed Bump at this point. In what might be the lamest Speed Bump since last season’s “make a bowl of soup” one, the guys have to successfully throw a coin into the opening of an incense burner about ten feet in the air. They get through this in a matter of minutes and Louie joins Dan in the temple to count statues.

With enough of a head start, Dan gets his guess correctly the first time. As they mount up on the motorcycle with Dan in the sidecar and Jordan riding “bitch,” who said that holding onto a strange Chinese man was “weird…okay…I liked that part.” Despite Michael declaring him a mathematical genius, Louie misses on his first guess.

Back at the Chops, both teams have stumbled upon each others’ stamps and wisely not shared that with them. Jet even discreetly pushes his into his pocket to not let Brent and Caite know they are half way there. But when Brent finds his, he declares “it’s huge…like everything else.” Yes, I am sure viewers took it exactly as he intended. So, this Detour officially has had too many references or allusions to Brent and his anatomy. They both finish the task and break for a cab. If these two remain this neck-and-neck in the final leg, then it will be the first actual race to the finish line that we’ve seen in a long time.

Well, much to my dismay, Brent and Caite hit the mat as team number one and are greeted by the world’s tallest man. For the third time this episode, Caite says that she feels she has proven that she is intelligent and can read maps. Please let it go. This is only defining you because you are letting it define you. That means that Jet and Cord are team number two.

The brothers opt for Chops and Super Fuzz is en route with Louie throwing out a “Baba Booey” in the streets of Shanghai. Howard Stern must be so proud. The 20 minute lead that the brothers had on the detectives is gone as Michael and Louie show up at Chops.

After some not-so-thrilling footage of the teams looking through all the stamps, Dan and Jordan get theirs and recruit a local young lady to tell their taxi where to go. They are on their way but Michael and Louie seem to be trailing by minutes. In spite of some taxi suspense (manufactured or not), the brothers are in third and officially round out the final three.

So I bid adieu to Team Super Fuzz. They were a fun team to watch and raced pretty impressively for much of the race. Thanks, guys, and I hope the accusations against Louie about illegal activity are not true.

Next week is the finale and while I look forward to seeing who wins, it is bittersweet because I will have to wait four months for the next season. It will be more bitter than sweet for me, if those months leave me disappointed thanks to a Brent and Caite victory.