This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for April 23, 2010
By Curt David
April 23, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

In which the author is encouraged to rethink his crush on CZJ
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Kiss of the Dragon, Red Dragon, Dragonheart, and How to Train Your Dragon all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5: The number 1 best Catherine Zeta-Jones movie of all-time is Entrapment).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of April 23rd, the new movies in wide release are The Back-Up Plan, The Losers, and Oceans.

The Back-Up PlanThe LosersOceansWinner
(1 Point per Category
Clearest Title"Papal Bunk Tech" The Pope's newest computer guy just moved in! "Hostelers" Don't mess with competing hostel owners. "Canoes" Intertwining love stories of all the different people involved in the canoe industry. So the titles aren't really clear, except Oceans, which should be about oceans (and if we're lucky, the prequel to Ocean's 11, 12, and 13). Point for Canoes.
Best Genre
and Rating		Romantic Comedy

Rated PG-13 for sexual content including references, some crude material, and language. 		Action

Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence, a scene of sensuality, and violence. 		Documentary

Not yet rated? Probably will be rated G, with some scenes not suitable for the youngest audience. 		A documentary about oceans seems more original than a romantic comedy or an action movie. Point for Case On.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"Fall in Love*.
Get Married.
Have a Baby.
*not necessarily in that order"

Pretty clever. I like how the tagline used an asterisk.

3/5 stars 		"Anyone else would be dead by now"

Doesn't tell me much about the plot, but I assume the plot will be awesome now. 2/5 stars 		"Explore the depths of our planet's oceans. Experience the stories that connect their world to ours."

This tagline only tells you about the plot. 1/5 stars. 		I also liked how the poster of The Back-Up Plan "drew markers" around the tagline too. Clever. Point for Catnap Hub Kelp.
Best Part of TrailerThe premise of the movie is kind of cute, for a chick flick. Seems fun. And Zoe Saldana has a rocket launcher! Whoa! The fast-paced, awesome ocean shots were more exciting than the Clash of the Titans trailer. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the wondrous ocean animals and the wondrous Zoe Saldana. A Scone and Lesser Hot split the point.
Coolest Lead ActorJennifer Lopez from Selena, Out of Sight, and The Cell. Jeffrey Dean Morgan, from Grey's Anatomy (Denny) and WatchmenSharks, Whales, Jellyfish, Dolphins Jenny from the Block is a better actress than some give her credit for. She'll split this point with all of the creatures from the ocean. Table Chap Punk and Aces No split the point.
Best Cast MemberAlex O'Loughlin from the movie WhiteOut and the TV shows Moonlight and The Shield. ZOE SALDANA!!! Should have won Best Actress for Avatar. She can do no wrong. Pierce Brosnan, from James Bond fame, is the narrator of this movie. Perhaps a "This Weekend, Watch This" first: Zoe Saldana wins Best Cast Member two weeks in a row. Tree Slosh wins the point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Cast member Michaela Watkins was an awesome cast member on Saturday Night Live last season. She's the only reason I would watch this movie. Cast member Chris Evans, from Fantastic Four, doesn't get type-casted and sort of gets cast as the nerd. DisneyNature, which brought us the movie Earth, knows how to make a documentary. Disney. Nature. Two unstoppable forces on the planet. Acne So wins the point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Sac One scores 4 points, Hole Rests scores 1 1/2 points, and Balk Cat Hen Pup scores 1 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you don't care about the Earth, don't watch Oceans. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Oceans is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Some anagrams for Box Office Prophets (not counting ones with swear words): Firebox Fetch Poops and Biceps Surf Fox Photo.
Conclusion 3: My friend Amanda is auditioning for Glee. I helped make the video. Watch and give her a gold star!