This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for April 2nd, 2010
By Curt David
April 2, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

~With my sword and magic HEL-met~
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly- The King and I, The Scorpion King, The Lion King, and King Kong - all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My Top 5: The fourth best Catherine Zeta-Jones movie of all-time is The Terminal).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of April 2nd, the new movies in wide release are The Last Song, Clash of the Titans, and Why Did I Get Married Too?

The Last Song Clash of the Titans Why Did I Get Married Too? Winner
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis movie could be about music. Or the apocalypse. This movie could be about mythology. Or the sequel to Remember the Titans. This movie could be about married couples with funny scenes and heartfelt moments. And that's all it could be about. Not since Couples Retreat has a movie's plot been so easy to predict based on the title. Why Did I Get Married Too? gets the point.
Best Genre &
Rating		Drama

Rated PG for thematic material, some violence, sensuality, and mild language. 		Action Adventure

Rated PG-13 for fantasy action violence, some frightening images, and brief sexuality. 		Dramedy

Rated PG-13 for thematic material including sexuality, language, drug references, and some domestic violence. 		This ain't no Valentine's Day weekend. Action Adventure is going to take this point by force.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		Do you ever really forget your first heartbreak?*

This may be the worst tagline of all time. Who would want to see a movie with this tagline?

0/5 stars 		Titans will clash.

This may actually be the worst tagline of all time. I mean, at least the previous movie's tagline wasn't "The Song will be Last." 0/5 stars 		Marriage is an institution they're committed too.

Not too bad. I had to think about it for a little bit, but then realized it was comparing marriage to a mental institution. ha. 2/5 stars 		Why Did I Get Married Too's tagline does not get LAST place, but CLASHes its opposition and gets the point for this round.
Best Part of TrailerUhhh, teenagers should not fall in love, it's stupid, and they're too young. The father/daughter scenes were cute. Despite watching hundreds of action trailers, this one was one of the better ones, impressive action shots mixed with good drum beats. Definitely more on the drama side than the comedy side. Janet Jackson gets real intense. The Titans Clash, crap, now the tagline is confusing me, Clash of the Titans wins the point for this round.
Coolest Lead ActorMiley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana (this may be the most accurate usage of "aka" in this column). Sam Worthington aka Jake Sully from Avatar (One of the few that can claim to have had more viewers than Hannah Montana) Tyler Perry aka an old woman named Madea (shoot, his "aka" is also really applicable to his name). For all you Avatar haters out there, Sam Worthington is going to get this point (and yes, Avatar, the movie that revolutionized movie making, should have gotten the Best Picture Oscar).
Best Cast MemberGreg Kinnear, from As Good as It Gets and Little Miss Sunshine. (I swear he was in The West Wing, but he really wasn't). Liam Neeson from The Phantom Menace, Schindler's List, Taken, and the voice of Aslan in the Narnia Chronicles. Janet Jackson from Why Did I Get Married?, Nutty Professor II, and ten episodes of Diff'rent Strokes. I didn't even know that Why Did I Get Married Too was a sequel (Don't judge me). Ms. Jackson is for real, but Liam Neeson is going to win this point.
Best Street Cred
for the Production		Director Julie Anne Robinson has also directed episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Director Louis Leterrier has also directed The Incredible Hulk and Transporter 2. Director, Writer, Producer Tyler Perry has also directed, written, and produced every other film he has made. Tyler Perry literally creates his wildly successful films. Point for him.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Titans the Clash scores 4 points and Why Did I Get Married Too? scores 3 points, and The Last Song scores 0 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a teenage girl, please feel free to watch The Last Song. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Clash Titans The is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: *My first heartbreak? My girlfriend Bria in fourth grade moved to Florida. We never technically broke up. I never saw her again.
Conclusion 3: Avatar had a good plot. Fern Gully and Dances with Wolves didn't have original plots either. The screenplay and the acting were frickin' awesome too. Put away your Hateorade.