The Amazing Race Recap
By Daron Aldridge
March 30, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

The Urban Cowboy is not happy with how this episode went.

Anonymous? – Brent, who gets a look from Phil that channels Inigo Montoya's "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

The Amazing Race lost its cross-programming team last week, when Big Brother's Jeff and Jordan were on the wrong side of Phil's "You're the last team to arrive." Unfortunately, that means my least favorite team is still in it. As my wife pointed out after reading the last recap, "Wow, you REALLY don't like Brent and Caite." She knows me very well but I haven't exactly minced words on how I feel. That's enough about my contempt for them now. I am sure I'll have plenty of time to mock and scoff them in the next hour.

The scenic French countryside is where we pick up and Team Super Fuzz is riding high on three consecutive third place finishes - that is, until they find out that the next destination is the island chain of Seychelles (which all but one team mangles in the pronunciation) 5,000 miles away. Given the islands' remoteness, all six teams will be traveling on the same plane. That's a bummer for the cops but a blessing for the pride of South Carolina, who might be able to move from the back to the middle of the pack.

Once at their island destination, they have to locate a race kiosk and pick a number.

The guys note that it stinks that they will all be on the same flight and Louie says something about them racing smarter but I am distracted by his handlebar mustache and skull cap. It is uncanny how much he looks just like John Travolta in The Taking of Pelham 123.

Even though all the teams are on the same flight, they show each team reading their clue. I suspect it was to illustrate the butchering of the name Seychelles, which I can't fault them for that. Brandy and Carol are stoked about the warmer weather and are the only ones to actually know the destination.

Coach Steve is just enjoying the adrenaline rush of the race and competition but expresses extreme pride in how his little girl is doing in the race. For the most part, excluding South Carolina, the teams have steered clear of the petty arguing the last couple legs. As brothers Dan and Jordan are driving to the airport, Jordan notes the part of the directions about needing to take a number. This prompts them to decide to secure seats near the front of the plane because when picking a number, you never really want to be the last number.

With the teams filtering into the airport, Jet and Cord and the detectives decide that eating is the top priority. As they trot off to the food court (Do they have those in Paris?), the unlikeliest team is the first to reserve seats before checking in. Yes, folks, South Carolina get the seats closest to the front of the plane. This effectively positions them as one of the first three teams to pick a number. With Brent and Caite in lucky row 7, Steve and Allie get row 10 and Dan and Jordan are in row 15. Anyone who has ever sat near the back of even a short domestic flight knows that we are now looking at our frontrunners for this leg. I hope that overpriced airport food was worth it, fellas.

As expected, Brent and Caite pull the number one ticket and find out that the first three teams leave on separate helicopters. The other three will be an hour behind them. It's hard to gauge it but depending upon the task, an hour might not be that much of a lead. So, we have South Carolina, daddy/daughter, and the brothers in the first batch and Super Fuzz as number four, Carol and Brandy as number five and the cowboys bringing up the rear.

Each team enjoys the copter ride in their own way: daughter Allie marvels at the beautiful view and says a prayer thanking God for it, Brent musters up an equally reverent, "This view is SICK," and Jordan does his best to break homosexual stereotypes by singing "We got a rainbow that is following us." All that was missing was jazz hands.

While the remaining teams wait not-so-patiently, Carol hopes that it is a long day so they can catch up and says it sucks that the three strongest teams are in the back. She clearly has more confidence in them as a team than I do because I wouldn't have described them the same way. The animosity between the girls and Brent and Caite comes up again with Caite saying she just wants to get rid of the "mean lesbians." This is her go-to motivation in the race, it seems.

The South Carolinians land first and face the Detour. This time around we have Turtle Toddle or Ox Trot. For Turtle Toddle, they must guide a giant tortoise across a lawn, which I am guessing is about 50 feet, and then take a bunch of bananas to a fruit merchant at the harbor. For Ox Trot, teams have to pick a cart and load it up with a very large pile of coconuts without missing or losing any. Then attach an ox to the cart, which they have to steer to the same fruit merchant.

Before seeing how this unfolds, my instinct says go with the ox because both involve animals but hopefully, the ox would be doing an activity it is already trained to do.

Brent and Caite pick Ox Trot and look to widen their lead. As they start their task, Steve and Allie land and dad refers back to Aesop's tortoise and the hare for his inspiration. They go with Turtle Toddle and try to coax their turtle from its cage. Dan and Jordan go with Ox Trot also and get to the task as Brent and Caite are leaving. With the show's trademark slow motion camera shot that captures one of their coconuts falling out of their cart and accompanying gong sound effect, we know of at least one team destined to return, which makes my heart sing a bit.

If I am ever on this show, my strategy will be to keep an eye on my cameraperson to see if they linger or are filming something other than me and my teammate during a task. If I see them do a cutaway to something else, then obviously, we make a mistake that will have to be corrected.

The final three teams are now in the air and Cord sums up their dedication with "I'm not givin' up ‘til Phil tells us to leave." I sincerely hope that isn't today, boys.

Predictably, Brent and Caite are arguing over the best way to steer the ox and, I kid you not, actually get into the childish act of calling each other "dummy" and "friggin' idiot." I would compare them to a couple of Kindergarteners but I think that would be insulting to five- and six-year-olds everywhere.

Steve and Allie picked a shelled winner as their turtle "blazed" down the track with Allie dangling a banana as bait. True to form, Steve admits that's how his wife gets him to do anything but it's usually a beer as the reward. They dash to the bunch of bananas and did you hear that? Yup, the familiar gong sound as we cut to a shot of their backpacks lying next to the turtle. While it's not penalty worthy, this can't be a good thing. But that'll be something to worry about later.

Right now, they are lapping Brent and Caite who have a stalled out ox that isn't responding to the many "giddyups" and "heeyas" they shout at him. This only heightens stress and inner conflict for the Toxic Twosome.

Dan and Jordan finish and the sound editing and pixilation teams get to work blurring out shots of their ox relieving itself and of the brothers tossing out bleep-worthy profanities every other word in response.

Team Super Fuzz has landed and heads the coconut route, Carol and Brandy opt for the turtle and Jet and Cord go for coconuts also. Brandy and Carol quickly discover that the turtle is uncooperative.

Michael points out that they need to make sure no stray ‘nuts fall out of the cart. They may be in fourth place but they will still be a step ahead of Brent and Caite. Speaking of being ahead of Brent and Caite, they have just been passed by a second team, Dan and Jordan. The ox is probably to blame but I think I will blame their inability to work together on one way of driving the beast.

Dan and Jordan get their clue as second place and head to the boats to take them to another island for the next task. As they head to the boat, Allie notices they have their backpacks and of course, hers and her dad's sitting next to Yertle the Turtle. Clearly, they learned from the mistake of last season's Zev and Justin who were eliminated from the race because of lost passports, Steve points out that they still have their money and travel papers in his fanny pack.

Without missing a beat or wiping the smile off his face, the fruit merchant tells Brent and Caite that they don't have all the coconuts. Either this guy is the Rain Man of fruit peddlers or the producers of the show passed along the news of the forgotten coconut.

We cut to commercial with Allie weighing the option of going back for their bags and Brent trying to make me very happy by throwing a gigantic hissy fit and threatening to quit the race.

When we come back, Allie has come to grips with the new au natural beauty regime of a backpack-less life and sadly, Brent doesn't quit and they both pout all the way back to the start of the task.

After Carol and Brandy's lazy reptile finally leaves his pin, he decides to wander in the opposite direction of the finish line. The two of them see the fruitlessness of the situation and wisely switch tasks. As much as I am a proponent of not wasting time changing tasks in midstream, I think this is the right call for this Detour.

The boat captain hands Steve and Allie their clue as they approach an island. The Roadblock requires someone to swim to a buoy and dive down to retrieve a bottle tied in a crate. Then they take the contents of the bottle to shore and assemble a map that points to them to the pitstop. Steve not only drinks like a fish but apparently swims like one too, as he makes short work of the Roadblock.

Jordan dives in for his team and retrieves the bottle after a few trips underwater.

It's time for the third team to pass South Carolina as Super Fuzz takes third place while Brent and Caite try to correct their mistake. For an error that was 100% their fault, South Carolina has gone from first place at the Detour to fourth.

By the time they get to their missed cargo and start back to the fruit merchant, Carol and Brandy arrive and mock them for messing up the challenge. The catty comments between these two teams are never in short supply this season. A familiar sight and sound points out that Jet and Cord have also tossed a coconut overboard. Man, this is a long Detour riddled with carelessness.

Steve and Allie swim to shore, get the map put together and seek out our New Zealander host. They are team number one. In a piece of product placement usually reserved for Travelocity on this show or any number of products on the Biggest Loser, Phil asks if they noticed a "seven" theme in this leg. Allie says yes and it's because 7Up is giving them all kinds of prizes for being first place. There must be something that was edited out because I watched the episode twice and only heard the number seven mentioned as Brent and Caite's row on the plane, which has nothing to do with Allie.

Dan and Jordan are just behind them and check in as team number two. Michael and Louie have completed the Detour and break for the waves and the Roadblock. Brent and Caite and Jet and Cord try to turn in their carts at the same time. Second time's the charm for South Carolina but as we know, the cowboys have to pull a Brent and Caite and get their forgotten coconut.

There is not much suspense about how this plays out as we also see that Brandy and Carol made the same mistake. So, the tally is five teams chose the Ox Trot Detour and carelessness cost three of the five valuable time. While I do enjoy watching Team South Carolina mess up, I found the fact that Brandy and Carol messed up in the exact same way they mocked Brent and Caite for messing up to be karma in action.

We are looking at two teams fighting for third and fourth place and another two battling for last place but with Brandy and Carol needing a miracle to make up lost ground, they learn they too have to return to the start of the Detour.

Brent and Michael get the next clues from the Roadblock. To prove that the detectives are playing a smart and cautious game, even though Michael dropped the bottle on the boat deck shattering it, they specifically say they aren't touching it until they get to shore because that was what the clue instructed. These guys want to make sure they avoid penalties at all costs.

Jet and Cord are motoring to the Roadblock and Cord jumps in for the bottle. Brent explains that on the shore they decide to work with Michael and Louie to find the pitstop because they would rather Carol and Brandy be eliminated first.

Brent and Caite are number three and Michael and Louie are number four. Phil then pulls a Jeff Probst-tribal council inquisition. Louie says they are in it to the end and will be in the final three with Brent and Caite and the cowboys. They want Carol and Brandy out next because as Michael says, "They have chips on their shoulders and they are negative people. Be negative somewhere else." This lets Caite once again to complain about the "Where's her tiara?" comment from Carol on the first leg in LAX!! Let it go. If you focus on your race and not trying to bump someone else off, then you might be doing better.

So it's clear that they want the ladies out next also. With his mind working overtime to come up with something quippy to say about them, Brent explains that everyone wants the girls gone and says, "From what I've heard, it's pretty anonymous." At the sound of Brent's poor word choice and limited grasp of multisyllabic words, Phil cocks his eyebrow so perfectly that Duane Johnson must be beaming with pride. Michael throws him a lifesaver and says "Unanimous?"

Jet and Cord swim to the shore and foolishly leave the bottle on the boat. They couldn't get the contents of the bottle out and just assumed it was the directions, so they just left it and decided to follow their gut. After not prioritizing airplane seating and then leaving a coconut, this would be mistake number three for the cowboys this leg. Phil informs that they must go back and get the clue before he can check them in. Here is that miracle that Brandy and Carol need.

The guys start swimming to their boat and about half way to the boat they see Brandy and Carol pass them. It's time for the producers to manufacture suspense with shots of the ladies wandering around and the boys hustling back.

Brandy and Carol get there in fifth place, which is good enough to ensure another week of pissing off Brent and Caite.

With the frustration starting to show, Jet slaps the map on the mat with a "There's your map," and surprisingly that is the first thing resembling an outburst from these guys after seven legs. The many slip-ups this leg by Jet and Cord nearly eliminate them but are saved by this being a nonelimination leg.

A Speed Bump awaits them next week but I hope there isn't that much of a time gap between teams because I still have the cowboys as my favorite team, followed by Super Fuzz and Steve and Allie.

I'll keep my fingers crossed until next week.