This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for March 19, 2010
By Curt David
March 19, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Will Colbert says hi
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, War, War of the Worlds, and War and Peace all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (Catherine Zeta-Jones has stated that she wants to remake The War of The Roses with her husband Michael Douglas, who was in the first one. They would try to kill each other in the movie).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of March 19th, the new movies in wide release are The Bounty Hunter, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Repo Men.

The Bounty HunterDiary of a Wimpy KidRepo MenWinner
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis already sounds like a good movie. You know what would make it better? If Chuck Norris was in it. This movie has to be based on the popular series of children's books. Also would be better with Chuck Norris.Must be about men who repossess things if people cannot pay their loans. Chuck Norris would make a good Repo Man. I have read the Diary of a Wimpy Kid book, so the title is clear and gets a point.
Best Genre &
Rating		Action Comedy

Rated PG-13 for sexual content including suggestive comments, language, and some violence. 		Comedy

Rated PG for some rude humor and language.		Sci-Fi Action

Rated R for strong bloody violence, grisly images, language, and some sexuality/nudity.		The rating of Repo Men sounds like the rating of Chuck Norris and therefore gets the point.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		It's a job. It isn't personal. Well, maybe a little...

Oh shoot, Jennifer Aniston is staring down Gerald Butler in that poster. The tagline helps this movie seem intriguing.

2/5 stars		It's not a diary. It's a movie.

Haha. Funny, because in the books the middle school boy always says he is actually writing a journal.

3/5		For a price, any organ in your body can be replaced. But it can also be repossessed.

That probably sums up the plot of the movie. A little disturbing. Yet, a little awesome.

2.5/5 stars.		Diary of a Wimpy Kid gets 2/3 of a point for the inside joke tagline. Repo Men gets 1/3 of a point solely because it had 19 other taglines to choose from.
Best Part of TrailerFun man vs. woman plot, nice taser scene.The character Rowley is hysterical. I laughed more here than the previous trailer. A repo man kills people to give organs back to the government. Then, his organ is repossessed. He fights back. Action ensues.I assumed that the following movie would lose the trailer round, but it easily won. Point for Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
Coolest Lead ActorJennifer Aniston has been in 41 different tv shows and movies and she is 41 years old.Zachary Gordon has been in 27 different tv shows and movies and he's only 12. Jude Law has been in 38 different tv shows and movies and he is 38 years old. Weird how Law and Aniston have the exact number of IMDb credits as their ages. Yet, Zachary has more than double the credits of his age, and wins the point.
Best Cast MemberGerard Butler is best known for being King Leonidas in 300, and equally impressive as the title character in the movie Phantom of the Opera. Steve Zahn is best known for being the sidekick in Sahara, and more impressive in Rescue Dawn.Forest Whitaker is best known for winning an Oscar for The Last King of Scotland. Also impressive for his small role in Panic Room. Gerard Butler has to get some credit for being able to sing opera and fight in a loincloth. Who else can claim those feats (other than Chuck Norris)? Point for The Bounty Hunter.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Andy Tennant has also directed Hitch, Sweet Home Alabama, Ever After, and Fools Rush In.Jeff Kinney is the author of the same titled book, which has sold over 16 million copies and has a bunch of sequels. Writer Garrett Lerner has written episodes for the tv shows House M.D., Boston Public, Roswell, and Smallville. I have not heard of Mr. Tennant before, but he already has street cred for directing other romantic comedies, especially Hitch. Point for him.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Diary of a Wimpy Kid scores 3 2/3 points, The Bounty Hunter scores 2 points, Repo Men scores 1 1/3 points, and Chuck Norris scores 8 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are going on a date this weekend, The Bounty Hunter is probably your best bet. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Diary of a Wimpy Kid is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Chuck Norris is 70 years old. No joke, he was born in 1940. That's a fact. Of course, there are lots of other facts about Chuck Norris.
Conclusion 3: Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Conclusion 4: Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Conclusion 5: What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.