The Amazing Race Recap
By Daron Aldridge
March 17, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Thanks to the first non-elimination leg, Team Big Brother lives to get lost another day. Would the producers dare put two non-eliminations back-to-back? Not bloody likely, so Jeff and Jordan had better hope they can make up ground despite their unavoidable Speed Bump.
The racers' pitstop in Hamburg, Germany only lasted about as long as a NASCAR pitstop as the teams hop on a charter bus to take them to an undisclosed location. It's not as if they are blindfolded and locked in a trunk, so anyone could reasonably figure out that they will be performing the next leg in France. Not only does the show mix it up with the roving rest period but the cameramen, who are clearly not well-versed in the art of Catholic confession, get the teams' take on how they will perform the next leg while sitting on a crowded bus. Jeff assures us that he and Jordan will not be in last place this time despite the Speed Bump but I can't tell if trying to convince us or himself.
Next we see Joe taking up two seats in the back of the bus because of his bum knee, courtesy of this season's hero – a Chilean llama. That llama from three legs ago must be the envy of his llama buddies who endured the "playing dress up" Detour. Confidently, Joe states that he's not going to let the injury hinder his performance and just imagine how awesome they would be if he wasn't hurt. This elicits groans of "Come on," from Louie and Michael, who recognize that Joe and Heidi need to be knocked off their confident pedestal.
From their unknown French departure site, the teams still leave in the order and time increments as they finished. That means that the Rhode Island detectives of questionable effectiveness Michael and Louie are the first to leave at 9:35 a.m. The teams have to drive to a bakery and buy a baguette for their clue. The cops spy a postal worker on the road and wisely ask for directions. As Michael points out, who knows the streets better than the postal worker? In all the seasons of watching this show, I believe this is the first time someone has tapped such a resource and I have to give credit to the guys. If I am ever fortunate enough to go on the Amazing Race myself, I will unashamedly use this technique.
Coach Steve and daughter Allie leave in the second spot 20 minutes later and coach pulls the lame dad trick of asking Allie if she knew what a baguette was, which she did. This makes him defend his question with a "I just wanted to make sure you knew." Steve is the stereotypical dad trying REALLY hard to be cool.
At 10:11, Joe and Heidi leave and she smiles and says that life is good because she is getting to see the beautiful French countryside. Cut to a shot of the road and horizon that is covered in fog with less than 100 feet of visibility. Nicely done, editors.
Nearly a half hour later, cowboys Jet and Cord head out of the new pitstop and are the first team to admittedly not have much confidence in knowing what a baguette is. Dating couple Brandy and Carol leave next and once again, they proclaim that this leg they will work better as a team. They are becoming a broken record. See, kids, as few as 25 years ago and way before iPods, there were these things called "records" and they would skip and repeat the same part of a song if the record was scratched. Hence the phrase, "you sound like a broken record." This week's pointless idiom lesson is now over.
Brothers Dan and Jordan are next up in seventh place and leave an hour and a half after the cops. Dan, or the brother who hates to travel but is on the Amazing Race, explains that they are playing their game, which is not be eliminated. Way to set those goals. "Don't be last place" is exactly the type of rousing motivation that underscored all great sports movies.
Michael and Louie go right to the bakery shop and get their bread but the baker has nothing else for them. The teams have to figure out the clue is baked into the bread. Michael instinctively rips into like it was sauerkraut and stumbles upon the clue. Next up, the teams have to make their way to a mock WWI battlefield.
Steve and Allie and Joe and Heidi converge on the bakery at the same point and get their clue as we see Team South Carolina Brent and Caite leave the pitstop. Caite offers us some of their positive affirmation by telling us, "We are doing everything great, it's just the fact that we like to think that we know where we are going when we really don't." In my opinion, this doesn't quite fall under the "great" label that "everything" they are doing supposedly has been.
Team Super Fuzz shows up at the Detour first and must choose between In the Trenches and Under Fire. The Trenches involves making their way through a maze of trenches, finding a communications post and deciphering a Morse code message. Under Fire requires the teams to crawl across a field under barbed wire to a foxhole where they will get a message on a piece of paper and then have to return the message to a man who will release the message on a carrier pigeon. Oh yeah, both tasks are done in the middle of a WWI battle reenactment complete with guns, explosions and the Red Baron. Louie and Michael select Under Fire and get geared up.
Back at the ranch, or rather the bakery, Jet and Cord are only steps ahead of Brandy and Carol and the other brothers. Unfortunately for these three teams, the South is rising again as Brent and Caite appear to be only minutes behind them. Sadly, Big Brother is still cooling their heels at the pitstop. The gap is ever widening between seventh and last place, especially since they have a Speed Bump also.
Predictably, the aligned father/daughter team and the husband/wife team both choose Under Fire, which is a bit curious considering Joe's bad knee again. This is the second time in a row that he has opted for a physical task that would be trying on the bum leg. I think he is playing for a permanent disability or at least a pronounced limp and not a million dollars.
With the first three teams already at the Detour, Jeff and Jordan finally leave the pitstop at 12:17. They have significant ground to make up but Jeff still thinks they are best. They must think they have time to burn as they use the French roundabouts to create their version of National Lampoon's European Vacation. "Look, kids, Big Ben."
As Louie hacks up a lung during the task from all the dirt from the explosions, Michael is giddy with excitement. They reach the halfway point and get their message as the next two start. Clumped together in fourth, fifth and sixth place, Dan and Jordan, Brandy and Carol and the cowboys arrive and make it six for six on the Under Fire challenge.
Michael and Louie get their message that "The war is over," and retain their first place standing as they follow their next directions to head south down the road to find the U-Turn teased earlier. The wrinkle is that this is a Blind U-Turn, so the team assigning the U-Turn doesn't have to own up to using it. Personally, I liked my guess last week that they would simply have to draw a team picture at random instead of choosing the U-Turn recipient.
Michael and Louie see this as the chance to fulfilling their promise earlier on the bus to prove that Joe's confidence is unfounded. So, they pick Joe and Heidi to go back to the Detour and finish the In the Trenches task before they can proceed. The "blind" aspect will be irrelevant since even the most simple of minds could discern that the cops did the deed. While these guys' detective skills were in question during the first three legs, this was a smart play by them and they acknowledge that they picked Joe and Heidi because they are good competition and The Amazing Race is about competition. It really irks me when people complain about teams using the U-Turn and call it deceitful. Simply, it is a part of the game, just like all the Roadblocks, Fast Forwards and Detours. If you don't like the rules, then don't play the game.
The clue tells them to march into town to a church for their next clue, so Michael and Louie do an about-face and head to God's house. Brent and Caite seem to have gained headway as they are now at the Detour and also choose mud over Morse code.
Jet and Cord lap both Carol and Brandy on the way to the task and catch up to the other brothers. The physical difficulty of the task becomes clear with all three of them starting the crawl and Steve and Allie and Joe and Heidi are still in the middle of it. Fortunately for the viewer but not for the married team, we will soon get to see how difficult the other option is. Either way this Detour looks brutal.
Jordan and Jeff master the French roadways and arrive at the bakery, which leads Jeff to repeatedly ask the baker for the clue and not just a loaf of bread. Jeff begins chowing down and finds the clue directing them to the battlefield.
Upon finishing the Detour, Joe and Heidi get the bad news that for them the war is not over. Typically, the U-Turns prove to be only a hindrance but not a deal breaker for the affected team but with all the teams relatively tight, this might not have that typical result.
Michael and Louie get their final clue to change into 100-year cycling gear, including a ridiculous fake mustache (even more ridiculous than Louie's real ‘stache), and ride equally old bikes to the pitstop, just like the first racers in the Tour de France. Clearly, there isn't much that can happen to ruin them finishing first again.
Heidi and Joe quickly come up with a guess, which is wrong. They see the cowboys, the brothers and the lesbian couple all finish their Detour. Joe and Heidi prove that everyone made the right choice to avoid Morse code like the Kaiser.
As Jet and Cord are marching to the church past Dan and Jordan, I have to share a quote that speaks for itself and I am sure it was intended by Jordan will all the winking humor that was delivered. With a sly little smile befitting Jack McFarland, Jordan discusses his weapons of choice as, "I don't like guns; I like swords."
The teams start to roll into the pitstop: Steve and Allie as second once again, Jet and Cord move up a slot to third, Dan and Jordan as fourth, and Brandy and Carol as fifth.
Those paragons of clue misreading strike again as Brent and Caite head south down the road but don't actually go to the clue box with the U-Turn. This error or the never-ending Morse code task just may be the opening that Jeff and Jordan need to avoid elimination. Team Big Brother finds that their Speed Bump makes them reinforce a section of a trench wall with dozens of branches before proceeding to the Detour. The sight of Big Brother starting their Speed Bump only heightens the frustration of Joe and Heidi.
A stone-faced Phil greets Brent and Caite as the sixth team to arrive...however, they didn't get their clue at the U-Turn box so he can't check them in. The slow motion effect perfectly captures the wind being knocked out of them. If this is how Brent and Caite do "everything great," I would hate to see what they deem a bad performance. Alas, Phil still checks them in as number six.
Jeff and Jordan finish the Speed Bump and start Under Fire as Brent and Caite retrieve their missed clue. Thanks to editing and a last ditch guess by Joe and Heidi, we get the drama that both teams will be racing to the church and the pitstop. This would be the case except they are wrong again and Big Brother appears to have leapfrogged them. Jeff and Jordan see that the race gods looked favorably upon them when they arrive at the U-Turn box with Joe and Heidi's picture on it. As expected, Big Brother is team number seven...
...meaning that a well-played U-Turn by Michael and Louie on Joe and Heidi made the married couple drop from a comfortable third place to an unsavory last place and a trip home. I do give them credit for recognizing that the U-Turn was just part of the game and didn't turn into sore losers, who lament the game they were playing.
So, au revoir, bye and goodnight to Joe, his limp and his wife.
Next week, Team South Carolina has its own Civil War as Brent and Caite clash in a major way or at least that is what they are teasing us with. We shall see in just a few days.