The Amazing Race Recap
We Are No Longer in the Bible Belt
By Daron Aldridge
March 9, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
With Monique and Shawne's ouster last week, I no longer have to avoid using their lame nickname. If this episode's title is accurate, then cowboys Jet and Cord will be far from their comfort zone in the hillsides and ranches of South America. Bring on the unseemly European destinations.
The remaining eight teams are about to swap hemispheres and travel from Argentina to Germany, specifically Hamburg. Jet and Cord were in first place for the second time and leave at just before 11 p.m. for the airport. Once again, those inconsiderate airline people didn't accommodate Phil's Amazing Racers, as the first flight is in 12 hours, so all the teams are set to leave at the same time.
Daybreaks and all the teams are at the airport and we get a glimpse of an unseen alliance/partnership between the cowboys and detectives Michael and Louie. Dating couple Carol and Brandy, who have successfully grated on my nerves, as well as each other's, the last couple legs, acknowledge their butting heads. Despite declaring that the word of the day for them is "respectful," only the most strong and self-aware teams can pull off that type of 180 degree change and they are not that type of team.
The most telling of the airport confessionals is that Dan of Team Dan and Jordan is only on the race because it is little brother Jordan's lifelong dream and Dan hates travel. That is quite the sacrifice for this brother. Some people probably can't imagine one of their siblings doing this, or even giving you so much as a cursory phone call or text message on your birthday...but I may have said too much.
While all the teams are leaving around the same time from Argentina, they have various connections. The cops and cowboys are going through Paris, Carol and Brandy and Dan and Jordan are flying direct and the remaining teams are connecting through Sao Paulo, Brazil (in that order).
The teams must take a train from the airport and the cowboys and cops are on the first train out. Painfully, Dan and Jordan and Brandy and Carol missed that train by about 50 feet or roughly just enough distance for the last plane's teams to catch up to them.
Oddly, Dan and Jordan are happy they can see the other teams because they rationalize that "it's always good to have the other teams in sight." While it may be comforting if you are a middle of the pack team (which these brothers have proven themselves to be), I would prefer to be clearly and securely in front of the others and not chumming around on public transportation with the competition.
Jet and Cord and Michael and Louie reach an Intersection, which requires two teams work together to complete the Roadblock. Even though the producers clearly wanted some tension by pairing up opposing teams, there doesn't appear to be any animosity this season like last with the Globetrotters and the gay brothers. Despite the lack of drama, the Roadblock has the potential for anxiety as they must do a 150 feet bungee jump at Hamburg harbor.
Michael and Jet board the Metro subway to face the Roadblock. Apparently, marrieds Joe and Heidi bored of Brandy and Carol because they opt to do the intersection with Coach Steve and daughter Allie. As Heidi humbly puts it, "They come from a good family, we come from a good family, it's just good people sticking together." The subtext I am reading here is that Joe and Heidi don't think that Carol and Brandy aren't good people or come from a good family, or at least not as good as a baseball coach and his All American daughter. I have to question out loud (because that's what I do) if Brandy and Carol's sexual orientation is an issue for Joe and Heidi or maybe they are just as annoyed at the girls as the viewers are by now.
Husband Joe and daughter Allie step up for the Roadblock/Intersection and drag along the poor hospitable German named Klaus that volunteered to help them at the train station. Big mistake buddy and the look on your face confirms your regrettable compliance.
Carol and Brandy aren't left all alone because they have bonded with straight brother Dan and gay brother Jordan. Dan's affinity for Brandy is summed up as "the lesbian aunt I never had." I am not sure there is a need to clarify between a straight or gay aunt but that might just be me.
Bosom Buddies Brandy and Dan are heading to the bungee jump with the local guide they recruited. The last teams at the Intersection are Big Brother's Jeff and Jordan and South Carolina's Brent and Caite. Apparently, living in New York for a few months qualified Caite as a subway expert, so Jordan deferred to her expertise and, wouldn't you know it, they get on the wrong train. The pageant girl who infamously lobbied for more maps in school shockingly misread the subway map/train route. I think they were heading to The Iraq and such. This successfully separates them from the rest of the pack but in the least desirable way.
Jet and Michael strap into the bungee gear and Jet "proves to the world that you can bungee jump with a cowboy hat on." I fully expected them to be fishing a black Stetson out of Hamburg harbor but he was right that "a real cowboy's hat doesn't come off." They get their clue and head back to the Intersection sign.
Joe laments that his left knee is tweaked pretty badly and making it hard to race but he insists he won't quit. It looks like the Chilean llama kick had a more lasting effect that making me laugh during repeated viewings. A plummet of 100 plus feet to the ground and being yanked back up by your ankles probably isn't part of the prescribed physical therapy rehab regiment Joe needs. They finish and hobble back to their teammates. Dan talks Brandy through their turn and all is well.
The ‘boys and cops part ways at the Intersection and head to a statue of Kaiser Wilhelm with Michael and Louie jumping in a cab and Jet and Cord taking the subway. Michael and Louie are the first ones at the statue and must choose between the Detour options of Soccer or Sauerkraut. The choice is either to make penalty kicks through targets or devour a healthy serving of sauerkraut before a band finishes playing a polka. The producers could have gone a little more punny and definitely more catchy by calling this Detour "Eats" or "Cleats."
Michael and Louie go with food and Jet and Cord are taking the elevated train tour of Hamburg looking for the statue. Our two-time first place finishers don't appear in store for a three-peat.
Caite and Jordan overcome the subway confusion and complete the Detour. It is a bit disappointing that there is no more scaredy cats this season. Everyone is a little too comfortable with facing fearful challenges. Where is my water-phobic Mika this season? Can someone develop an unnatural fear of soccer balls before the leg is over to entertain me?
Michael and Louie attack the sauerkraut. Mainly, Michael was doing the attacking and might as well have been using a snow shovel to cram the food in his gullet. One attempt and they are done. The cops are off to the next task, which is at a bar and the teams must drink a glass boot of beer. The producers are really going out of their way to dispel our views of Germany being loaded with questionable culinary dishes and drunks. I can't wait until the team go to France and face a Detour between being rude to American tourists or enduring a Jerry Lewis film festival, of course, while smoking a pack of cigarettes with a condescending glare.
Jet and Cord finally reach the statue clue box with Steve and Allie and Joe and Heidi directly behind them. All three choose Soccer, which I find curious since Joe has lamented his llama-inflicted knee injury multiple times.
Big Brother and South Carolina hop on a train to find the statue and it appears that Brandy and Carol and Dan and Jordan in the same situation.
The sauerkraut champion Michael is not a fan of delicious barley and hops, so Louis steps up to the boot. These guys are complementing each other nicely for a change. They are finally living up to how inaccurately confident they were in the first leg.
The bright lights and big city are not kind to the cowboys as they are still struggling to find the soccer field while daddy/daughter team have already scored two of their goals. Jet and Cord do have some wiggle room because Joe is kicking the ball at the goal with less force and accuracy than my son's team of fellow five-year-olds.
At the statue in places five and six, Big Brother chooses sauerkraut and Brent and Caite go with soccer. Steve and Allie get their clue, which prompts Joe and Heidi to make the decision they should have originally – pick the sauerkraut task. Jet and Cord arrive as these teams are leaving.
Louie polishes off the rest of the beer and gets the clue to head to the Pitstop, which is in a bar that was the first place the Beatles played in Hamburg. And it's located in the red light district of the city. There will probably be many blurred shots of adult establishments and the faces of the men leaving them.
To complete the theme of Intersection partners choosing different tasks, Dan and Jordan select soccer and Brandy and Carol go with sauerkraut. Team Big Brother has a cabbie that doesn't know how to use his taxi's GPS and proceeds to drive them far out of town before they realize that their plight. In what is becoming a pattern, Brent and Caite are also on the street of Hamburg looking for the soccer field.
With 25 minutes left in the episode, Michael and Louie reach the Pitstop as team number one and are "treated" to the painful butchering of the Beatles by a cover/tribute band. Beer lover Steve is giddy like W.C. Fields at the sight of the boot of beer. Of course, he polishes it off with ease. Cord and Jet finish the soccer Detour and go barhopping. Meanwhile, Joe and Heidi do the sauerkraut polka on their first try.
Just a few minutes behind the married team, Brandy and Carol show up and finish easily. Dan and Jordan knock out the soccer challenge with just as much ease, thanks to Dan. We are now looking at four teams rushing to the bar and jockeying for third through sixth place with Joe and Heidi and Cord and Jet there first.
Embarrassingly for cowboys around the world, Joe and Heidi beat the brothers out of the bar. Big Brother sits down to dine on sauerkraut and Caite brags that she's been playing soccer since she was five and she is "reeeeaaaallllly good." Unfortunately, years of soccer experience can't prevent her from tweaking her leg. Honestly, I couldn't tell you where she hurt it. One shot shows her favoring her right knee and another looks like it was her left ankle. Regardless, this is a delay they don't need with last place in their grasp. If only they knew that Jeff and Jordan failed on the first try eating and wisely bailed. So they have not only wasted time due to bad taxi luck but are set back by having to switching tasks.
Jet and Cord are trying to finish their boot when Carol and Brandy show up. The cowboys head to the redlight district Pitstop and note we "are no longer in the Bible Belt." I halfway expected one of them to bust out with a Ned Flanders-worthy "The lights, the noise, the letter X." The boys make it as number four at the mat with the girls right behind them as number five.
Dan and Jordan make it to the bar in sixth place and finish before Brent and Caite get there. Luckily, they don't get lost wandering drunk around the redlight district, so sixth place is where they reach the Pitstop.
Jeff and Jordan complete the soccer task but are clearly and undeniably in last place. After the unnecessarily graphic sights and sounds of Brent vomiting beer on a Hamburg street corner, South Carolina heads to Phil. Short of a catastrophic accident, there is no way Big Brother won't be the last team, despite the producers trying to create suspense otherwise. The question then shifts to whether or not this is a nonelimination round. As expected Brent and Caite are in the seventh place for the third time but they are pleased because they believed they were in last place.
Jeff and Jordan show up last and Phil questions them about how hard the race has been. Jeff admits that he can't tell if it's the sauerkraut or being in last place that is making him sick to his stomach. That kidder Phil lets them know that this is the first nonelimination leg and they will have to step up because of the Speed Bump awaits them on the next leg.
I am relieved that Jeff and Jordan are still in it but in this episode the stress of the race overshadowed the lightheartedness they brought to previous episodes.
Next week the teams apparently face a new obstacle – a blind U-Turn. My best guess is that it's just like the usual U-Turn that allows one team to pick another team to complete both options on a Detour but that the picking team just draws a team picture from the box without knowing who it is. Just a guess but I think that would be a fun wrinkle in the race as long as someone opts to do it.
See you next week because it's time to recover from all the boot beer I vicariously consumed this episode to block out the horrible Beatles cover band.