This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for March 5, 2010
By Curt David
March 5, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Whoa, Catherine Zeta Jones is gonna get jealous here....
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (surprisingly, Hellboy, Drag me to Hell, and The Devil Wears Prada all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (IMDb has Ms. Zeta-Jones rumored to be making a movie called Racing the Monsoon. She could be amazing in this action thriller about a diamond robbery on a train).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of March 5th, the new movies in wide release are Alice in Wonderland and Brooklyn's Finest.

Alice in Wonderland Brooklyn's Finest Winner
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleI watched this cartoon when I was younger, and I also saw some version on TV with dragons that gave me nightmares. Either way, I'm familiar with this title, which is apparently based on some famous book by some famous guy. I have no nostalgia based on this title. Upon further research, the famous book is called "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland," and the famous guy is Lewis Carroll. Point for Alice.
Best Genre &
Ratin		Adventure/Fantasy

Rated PG for fantasy action/violence involving scary images and situations, and a smoking caterpillar. 		Crime/Drama

Rated R for bloody violence throughout, strong sexuality, nudity, drug content, and pervasive language. 		"And a smoking caterpillar," is the best phrase I've heard in a film's rating. Point for Alice.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		You've got a very important date.

This tagline reminds me of the iconic rabbit saying he was late for an important date. But it's also telling the movie-going public to watch the movie on March 5th! So clever!!

5/5 stars 		This is war. This is Brooklyn.

So they talk about war, which you usually think about on international soil, but then they tell you how it is happening in Brooklyn. Kind of clever.

2/5 stars 		The best tagline so far this year. Point for Alice.
Best Part of TrailerTim Burton. Johnny Depp. 3D. Anne Hathaway. And yes, I think I saw a dragon. Looks like a Rated R version of NYPD:Blue. And I secretly enjoyed the song in the trailer: Run This Town. Only thing that's on my mind, is who's gonna run this town tonight? Clearly, Alice with the awesome trailer.
Coolest Lead ActorJohnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Edward Scissorhands. Richard Gere from Chicago, Pretty Women, and An Officer and a Gentleman. Chicago was a good movie (sigh). Yet, the point has to go to thee, Johnny Depp.
Best Cast MemberAnne Hathaway from Get Smart, The Princess Diaries, and The Devil Wears Prada. Don Cheadle from the Ocean's Trilogy, Hotel Rwanda, and Crash. Heads Anne Hathaway. Tails Don Cheadle. Anne Hathaway gets the point*.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Tim Burton has also directed Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, Sweeney Todd, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Director Antoine Fuqua has also directed Training Day and King Arthur. Tim Burton has street cred without Johnny Depp too. Batman, Beetlejuice, and Big Fish. Point.


* I really flipped a coin and got heads. Then I decided that Brooklyn's Finest needed a point, so I decided best two of three. I got a tails and then another heads. So I decided to go best three out of five, and I got another tails and then another heads. True story.

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Alice in Wonderland wins all seven points, which leaves Brooklyn's Finest with zero.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a movie that has won an Oscar, watch the Oscars on Sunday, and then go out and buy a movie ticket. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Alice in Wonderland is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I actually had known about Lewis Carroll and I have read his poem "Jabberwocky" several times before.
Conclusion 3: I hate dragons.