The Amazing Race Recap
By Daron Aldridge
February 19, 2010
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Let's toss it to Phil to start this season off properly. "The world is waiting for you. Good luck. Travel safe. GO!!!"
Shying away from subtlety, the teams are shuttled to the starting line in Los Angeles aboard charters buses fully wrapped with "Amazing Race" emblazoned on every side. It's time to meet the teams and try not get too attached to one of them. A quick programming note: The premiere is only an hour, so this will likely be a lean episode with little padding (Take notes American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, etc. and your lack of Emmys).
The first team off the bus is Brent and Caite, who are models hailing from South Carolina. More importantly, Caite is the type of Web sensation that lets Comedy Central justify future seasons of Tosh.0. Caite is none other than everyone's favorite geographically-challenged Miss Teen South Carolina. You know, the one who stammered and rambled nonsensically through a question about the geographical ignorance of American students, thus proving American students are geographically ignorant, such as...such as...such as. To his credit, the boyfriend defends her and thinks she doesn't deserve the ridicule and with a clinched jaw as he says it, it seems like he will go medieval on anyone who makes fun of her. One team in and the potential entertainment for us/embarrassment for racers is already high.
Next we have Jet and Cord, professional cowboy brothers from Oklahoma. These brothers apparently have ten world rodeo titles between them; so they know high-stress competition pretty well. In a departure from what we see on this race 100% of the time, they are staying true to themselves right out of the chute by actually racing in blue jeans (we must assume Wranglers), boots, cowboy hats and button-down shirts. The wardrobe doesn't scream "race" but it may work for them.
Then we have Steve and Allie, so it's clearly time for the obligatory father-child team where dad feels like he missed out on his kid's formative years. Allie's probably not too upset since Pops racer was a third base coach for the Phillies, including the year they won the World Series, and likely she didn't exactly spend her childhood in need.
Next, we have our second brother team with Dan and Jordan from Rhode Island. Last season, I had a near-aneurysm trying to distinguish who was who with the brothers and this team will continue my plight. The twist this time is that one is straight (Dan) and one is gay (Jordan). I think that's correct.
Then, there is Adrian and Dana, a married couple that were high school sweethearts. Being married for 17 years, they should be aware of the other's strengths and weaknesses, which is useful on the race.
The team that was leaked last fall thanks to a fan snapping their photo in the airport is Team Big Brother with Jeff and Jordan. Admittedly, I have never watched Big Brother but they met on that show, which she won, and are now dating. These two will be more reality show savvy than the others and as evidenced by the leaked snapshot might be able to use their "fame" to their advantage, a la Rob and Amber.
Team seven is Jodi and Shannon, a 71-year-old grandmother and granddaughter, who happen to also be triathletes. You read that correctly – a septuagenarian who has completed 15 triathlons and three half-marathons. She is clearly the inspiration of the episode's title – "Nanna is kickin' your butt."
Next it's Michael and Louie, a pair of undercover Rhode Island cops. I guess they won't be able to do much undercover work now. For the smallest state in the US, we have two teams that can claim Rhode Island as their native state. One of the guys breaks a cardinal rule in their interview before the race by declaring that he sees them winning every leg. That is never prophetic and usually turns out opposite.
Team nine is Monique and Shawne, lawyers who describe themselves as "Mom-preneurs", whatever that's supposed to mean. They are trying too hard to give themselves a nickname and came up with a ridiculous, made-up word that they of course have splashed across the front of their shirts. I want to dub them "Team not-as-clever-as-we-think" but I will refrain...for now.
Our next married team is Joe and Heidi. Heidi describes Joe as very confrontational and he admits that he will definitely be the problem child for their team. It looks like the producers have found them another Lance from last season.
And last we have Carol and Brandy, a gay couple that boasts about being high maintenance princesses. There we have it – 11 teams that will be our globe-trotting surrogates for the next few months.
Our pal Phil greets them and lets them know that there are two flights for their first destination but only the first three teams will get the first flight. The rest will be on a second flight leaving an hour later. Plus, Phil throws another wrench in the works by telling them they must use public transportation to get to the airport. That's a nice little wrinkle the teams didn't see coming.
Off they go and they all are scrambling to find a bus or train station to get them to the airport. During this unofficial task, Caite is outed for her infamous pageant performance by...wait for it...none other than...Jordan, the gay brother. Way to reinforce stereotypes. No one seems to be working together but rather a few teams are just running near one another.
Married Joe and Heidi, father/daughter Steve and Allie, the cowboys, Team South Carolina Caite and Brent and brothers Dan and Jordan get to the metro train first with Joe confidently saying that this will definitely get them to the airport first. (See my previous remarks about undercover cop team's bragging for how I think this will play out.) Grandma Jodi and Shannon and Michael and Louie just miss the train and have to wait 20 minutes for the next one.
Cut to Union Station as Team Big Brother, Monique and Shawne, Adrian and Dana, and Carol and Brandy, get on the bus. We get a glimpse of Big Brother Jordan asking if their destination city of Santiago is in China. Hey, at least she got the first three letters of the name right but was on the wrong continent that is a Pacific Ocean away. Between her and Caite, the producers must have sold their souls to the casting gods for a season of ignorant sound bites.
Well, Joe was wrong. The train didn't get there first. After a dash to the ticket counter, Adrian and Dana, Team Big Brother and Monique and Shawne get the tickets on the first flight, which leaves everyone else in their rearview. As the milling about the airport occurs, with a snarky impersonation, Jordan recreates Caite's pageant meltdown for Brandy and Carol.
Cowboys Jet and Cord fail in executing the good idea of doing a currency exchange at the airport to save time. They exchange all their US dollars for Brazilian currency, because it was the closest thing to Chilean they could get at LAX. You can't see it but I am shaking head in embarrassment for them.
Apparently, Carol is psychic because as they are walking through the airport, she says that they are praying bad weather in the first flight's connecting city or mechanical problems with their plane...which is exactly what happens. Due to maintenance problems the first flight is delayed and those three teams opt for tickets on the second flight with everyone else.
The teams land and head to the buses that will take them to the town of Valparaiso, 60 miles from Santiago. The first bus has Team Big Brother, Adrian and Dana, Team South Carolina and Monique and Shawne. The currency faux pas by the cowboys prevents them from getting on bus number two with Brandy and Carol, Joe and Heidi, brothers Dan and Jordan, and father/daughter Steve and Allie. So that leaves Jet and Cord on the last bus with Jody and Shannon and Michael and Louie.
After grabbing cabs from the bus station, the first bus's teams reach our first Roadblock. This task requires a member of the team to walk across a cable stretched over 300 feet and up in the air 120 feet. Team South Carolina is first at the Roadblock and Caite takes the challenge. She shows a daredevil side by just blazing through it. Team Big Brother shows up and because of Jeff's fear of heights, Jordan steps up but with some apprehension. Next brother Dan is the third one on the line, followed Joe, Allie, and Carol. Without considering her fear of heights, Carol starts at shaking like a leaf.
Caite finishes and they are onto the next task which instructs them to take a funicular down to the next clue. Shawne is inching her way across steadily like Jordan who is almost done and Dan is only using his arms after slipping off the foot line.
Jordan finishes and it is clear that the relationship that started on a show like Big Brother between her and Jeff is a hundred times healthier and real than any love the Bachelor has manufactured over the years. Jeff is very encouraging and praising her performance. As they question what a funicular is (a gondola-like train car), we get our first clue misread as Team South Carolina uses the stairs.
Dan finishes third and rides down with Team Big Brother. The next task, Paint the Town, requires the teams to carry four cans of paint, a ladder and paintbrushes up a steep street and help finish painting the outside of a house, which is really only about a 8x8 square. Basically, the challenge itself is not that challenging but finding the houses will be. The first three teams start searching.
Allie and Joe are fourth and fifth across the cable, while Adrian is struggling worse than anyone. As Shawne finishes, Michael and Louie have arrived and Louie has already lapped Adrian. This is taking him painfully long.
Teams Big Brother and South Carolina are still meandering around town looking for their task location when they converge on the one street they haven't tried. Wouldn't you know, there it is. Team Big Brother quickly finishes and heads to the pitstop with Team South Carolina on their heels.
The cowboys and Jody and Shannon are the last two to show up at the Roadblock and Shannon and Cord get suited up. Not only is Adrian still moving at a snail's pace, the inevitable happens as he loses his foot hold and falls off both lines. With Adrian twisting in the wind, we cut to commercial for dramatic effect.
The safety person comes out to take Adrian back to the starting point because his arms are worn out. While he faces a huge setback, Cord (cowboy boots and all), who is currently in last place, shimmies across the line like this is the easiest thing he's ever done. There is little doubt or tricky editing that can mislead us into thinking that anyone other than Adrian and Dana will be eliminated.
Team Big Brother is greeted by a Chilean mariachi band and our New Zealander host at the pitstop as team number one. Eerily, the baby blue shirts Jeff and Jordan are wearing mirror last season's Meghan and Cheyne who also won the first leg and the whole race. Foreshadowing? Who knows?
Caite and Brent hit the mat next and as no shock to the viewer, Phil doesn't allow them to check in because they didn't follow their clue to use a funicular. That earns them a 30 minute penalty on Phil's green time-out bench.
Dan and Jordan realize they lost a paintbrush while ambling around town and clearly they are more cognizant of the rules and clues than Caite and Brent because Jordan insists they find it to avoid a penalty.
Shawne and Monique arrive at the house and like the others easily finish it. When I say others, I don't mean father/daughter Steve and Allie because at Steve's suggestion they go inside a house being renovated and start painting an unfinished interior wall.
As Phil tells Shawne and Monique they are team number two, Caite and Brent just sit and watch dejectedly. At least they acknowledge that before the race they made a note to remember "details." Maybe they need a reminder note to look at the first note.
As Cord finishes the cable walk and Michael and Louie get their clue, Jordan is admonishing Dan for losing the paintbrush but they proceed to find the house knowing a penalty awaits. Let's check in with our other potential penalty as Steve and Allie finish painting the wrong house...pardon me...the inside of the wrong house. When they ask the other worker there for a clue and he looks at them like the fools they are, the reality sets in that Steve's brilliant idea was far from brilliant.
Just like Jet and Cord not turning off being cowboys, Michael and Louie stay in cop mode as Michael figures they are now part of a Chilean graffiti abatement program and proceed to waste time painting over graffiti on a house. This season is looking like it'll be chock full of boneheaded moves, which is great for the viewer.
From the last team to start the Roadblock to a glorious third place finish, Jet and Cord have redeemed their currency exchange fumble and shown they could be real competition. As they expected, Dan and Jordan receive a 15 minute penalty for losing their paintbrush when they try to check in as the fourth team. Caite and Brent can surely empathize as they still have four minutes left on their penalty as we see Steve and Allie and Joe and Heidi check in at fourth and fifth place respectively.
To illustrate how close the race is with the middle pack, just three minutes later Carol and Brandy show up for a sixth place finish while Brent and Caite finally are allowed to check in at number seven. She's been silently sitting out her penalty, so we were deprived of potential verbal slipups. But then Caite says that "technically we are second." No, ma'am. "Technically," (meaning you adhered to the rules and instructions of the game) you were seventh place, which is what Phil checked you in as. Accept your mistake and move on.
Dan and Jordan are finally checked in as number eight and Michael and Louis are stunned to find themselves as number nine. Their shock surprises me because they were in the middle to the back of the pack the entire time. They are either oblivious to the other teams or delusional. Maybe it's a little bit from column A and a little bit from column B.
As expected, Jody and Shannon take tenth place, which means that Adrian and Dana are gone from the race. Despite a last place finish, it is impressive that Adrian stayed positive and kept trying but just couldn't deliver.
All in all, this was a fun start to the season and I think the teams will be entertaining and fun to watch. I reserve the right to lambaste and mock teams as the race progresses and they start to grate on my nerves. Of course, I did find it odd that they didn't even show any footage of Joe and Heidi doing the Paint the Town task. If you are so uninteresting that they don't even give you a pity task completion shot, then that speaks volumes about what you bring to the show. And that would be nothing.
Until next time, when aligned teams violate the rule we all learned in Kindergarten of "No Cutting in Line", enjoy your mandatory rest period.