This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison of the new releases for November 6, 2009
By Curt David
November 6, 2009
BoxOfficeProphets.com
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of October 16th, the movies opening in wide release are The Box, A Christmas Carol, The Fourth Kind, and The Men Who Stare at Goats.
| The Box | A Christmas Carol | The Fourth Kind | The Men Who Stare at Goats | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | I hope this is a family film where children find a magical cardboard box ala Calvin and Hobbes. | I believe this will be similar to The Muppet Christmas Carol, but sans Muppets. | Reminds me of the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind. | I have no hopes, beliefs, or reminders in reference to this title. | Clearest title for my 10 bucks: A Christmas Carol. |
| Best Genre & Rating | Horror/Thriller PG-13 I might have been wrong about the family film. | Animation/Fantasy PG Sans muppets. Apparently also sans live humans. | Sci-Fi/Horror PG-13 I was correct. | Comedy/War R That's a combination for you. | A Sci-Fi movie, probably about aliens, wins this round. |
| Best Tagline | You are the experiment. | An IMAX 3D experience. | There are four kinds of alien encounters. The fourth kind is abduction. | No Goats. No Glory. | Hahahaha. Goats is a play on words for guts. Genius. Point. |
| Best Part of Trailer | Cameron Diaz and the foreboding music. | Imagining the animation effects in 3D Imax. | Playing the "based on true events" card well. | It looks humorous. Like a fun Clooney movie, not a serious one. | The Men Who Stare at Goats and A Christmas Carol split the point for the best trailer. |
| Lead Actor | Cameron Diaz from There's Something About Mary and The Mask. | Jim Carrey from Liar Liar, Dumb and Dumber, and the Mask. | Milla Jovovich from the Resident Evil Trilogy. | George Clooney from E.R. and the Ocean's Trilogy. | Wow, these are some pretty popular actors in genres that suit them. Each movie gets 1/4th of a point. |
| Best Cast Member | James Marsden aka Cyclops from the X-Men Trilgoy. | Robin Wright Penn aka Jenny from Forrest Gump and aka The Princess Bride. | Will Patton aka the white coach from Remember the Titans. | Ewan McGregor aka Obi-Wan Kenobi from the Star Wars prequel Trilogy. | Robin Wright Penn is the coolest actor in this chart. Point for her. |
| Best Street Cred for the Production | This movie was based on the writings of Richard Matheson, who also wrote the novels I am Legend and What Dreams May Come. | Director Robert Zemeckis has also directed Beowulf, The Polar Express, Cast Away, Forrest Gump, and Back to the Future. | Milla Jovovich is the toughest-prettiest woman on the planet. | Actor Kevin Spacey has a Best Actor Oscar for American Beauty, and a Best Supporting Oscar for The Usual Suspects. | Wow, Robert Zemeckis has directed some classic films and he knows how to do a 3D animated movie (and he also has an Oscar). Point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, A Christmas Carol scores 3 3/4 points, The Men Who Stare at Goats scores 1 3/4 points, The Fourth Kind scores 1 1/4 points, and The Box scores 1/4 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like watching pretty people, by all means go and see The Box. However, if you are still on the fence on which new release to watch this weekend, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, A Christmas Carol is the movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: If there was a point for Best Actor That Could Kill You, Milla Jovovich would have received all 7 points.
Conclusion 3: Hahaha. No Goats, No Glory. That is funny. Hahahaha.