Survivor: Samoa
Walking on Thin Ice
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
October 15, 2009

I don't think she likes sea slug guts.

Previously on Survivor, one of the bad players was voted off. Oh, who are we kidding? They're all bad players this season. Of course, this player was particularly terrible. Her name was Yasmin, and she had somehow managed to alienate all of the players on both tribes. Considering the fact that there hasn't been a merge yet, that's one of the greatest feats of antisocial behavior in the history of the show. Perhaps the most unexpected aspect of the vote is that Yasmin was not a slam dunk to go. Monica, whose performance in the Immunity Challenge was Kyle Boller-esque, received a couple of votes from her tribe. And Shambo has roughly the same popularity as Congress. This is what happens when a tribe goes 12 days before they can eliminate someone.

The opening segment sets the tone for the direction of Galu this week. Monica is one of those players who loses her mind at the idea that someone would vote for her on a show that requires people to vote someone on their tribe out each time they lose an immunity challenge. Shambo voted against her, and in Monica's mind, this move was enough to declare war. So it's bottom feeder vs. bottom feeder at Galu right now. Our money's on Shambo. It's the power of the mullet.

A man can do strange things when he's trapped on an island. Some guys start chasing after mermaids; some men befriend volleyballs. And then there's Erik the Bartender. He takes a sand bath and then feuds with the ocean. He's mad about the current and just considers its entire behavior rude. Erik has reached that point just before you start stroking the machete and creeping out your tribemates (we call this The Matthew). In his defense, everyone is a bit unsettled by the waves. It's Point Break out there, with some toasty sets that would make Bodhi drool. RIP, Patrick Swayze.

The sea is angry this day, our friends. But there is one thing that can soothe the ocean...Probst sighting! The dimpled one announces that today's Reward Challenge is a gross food tasting event! This means that David, suffering from flu-like symptoms, must leave the room until it's over! It also means that Kim (aka me) is stuck watching this horrible segment of television. Seriously, Survivor producers. If I wanted to watch Fear Factor...well, I know I can't watch anymore but I wouldn't even if I could.

Basically, one person from each tribe will approach the Probst Area. They will spin a wheel, and each of them will drop a ball on the wheel. Whichever two nasty things it lands on will be combined in a blender to create a smoothie. First team to get five points (it's not a race - they get a point if they keep the smoothie down) will win a beachside barbecue.

The first two contestants to do battle are Jaison and Shambo. Their balls land on giant clam and "Jeff's choice". Jeff doesn't hold back, noticing that flies are crawling all over the octopus. He adds some sea snail and other crap and it's time to drink. Shambo drinks hers down straightaway, while Jaison struggles with his final swallow. He's looking like he might gack it all up, but he manages to hold it down, and both players are awarded a point.

Next up is the battle of Good and Evil, as Good Russell takes on Evil Russell. Both their balls land on jellyfish, but Probst kindly adds a bit of milk to the mix. Good Russell inhales his drink, but Evil Russell comments on how disgusting it is. Once again, it looks like a Foa Foa tribe member might blow it, but Evil Russell comes through in the end, though I surmise it's because half of the drink got on his mustache.

Brett from Galu goes up against Dr. Mick from Foa Foa. Their delicious smoothie combo is giant clam and sea cucumber, which couldn't look more disgusting. It is a particularly foul, chunky shake. You can see little chunks. Both guys get the entire drink down, though, so we're all tied at three points apiece.

Liz and Monica's balls both land on sea urchin, so Probst scoops in the whole thing for them. He comments that it "looks like a chocolate shake", while I think it looks like sewer sludge. Monica has no trouble with hers, and chows down on the complimentary sea noodle that Probst included. Liz is fine as well. It's all tied up, 4-4. Could the final round be the deciding one?

Ashley next takes on Dave and their balls both land on sea slug guts, which Probst says "may be the worst thing out here". Flies are crawling all over them, and though they're colorful, they are slimy and foul. I am not kidding when I say that their drinks look like vomit in a glass. Dave cruelly makes barf noises while he drinks his, and other Galu members shout stuff at Ashley to psych her out. It works, too. She simply can't get the drink down. Dave wins the challenge for his group.

This means that Galu gets to have a wonderful seaside cookout, but they also are allowed to choose one member from their tribe to go hang out with Foa Foa as a spy. Good Russell, chief of the tribe, chooses Shambo. She gets pretty pissed, and rightfully so since she misses the reward (and contributed to winning it). She's already been sent to Foa Foa before, so it's sucky that she has to go back. Good Russell doesn't relent, which makes me question whether it's right to continue calling him the good one. Since we know that Galu generally dislikes Shambo, I suppose it makes sense that he'd send away the person who doesn't fit in.

Welcome back to the room, David! Gross smoothies are now past and forgotten. Back at Galu, we learn that Good Russell actually had his reasons for sending Shambo over to Foa Foa. What had seemed like a popularity contest is actually more like...a little bit of punishment. You see, Shambo lost a chicken last week, and Good Russell decided that sending her to spend time with Foa Foa would square her with the tribe. It's actually kind of reasonable.

Next, the Foa Foa gets in a fight over making a fire to cook their steaks. Good Russell starts making the fire, which makes hippy Dave mad. He's a little bit aggressive about the whole thing, but then sort of realizes that he looks kind of bad. When Good Russell asks him to step in and build the fire up, he declines and a very strange fight takes place, but it ends with Dave deciding that he'd be best served to go ahead and make the fire. He's convinced that because he's the only one who knows how to build a good fire, his value to the tribe is heightened. He's a squirrelly little dude, but he did just prove to be the only means of getting all that good food cooked.

Over at Foa Foa, Shambo is looking for the hidden Immunity Idol, which sends Liz off on a rant. She's convinced that Evil Russell has the idol. When she confronts him, he tries the defensive angle at first. When that doesn't work, he goes uber-aggressive, which should be all the information Liz needs to tell her whether he has the idol. Evil Russell ends the segment by threatening her and telling her "she's walking on thin ice". If Liz is smart, she'll rally the troops.

We come back from commercial break and the members of Galu are absolutely miserable in a torrential downpour. That doesn't keep Dave fron wading over to the tree mail area to learn that they have an immunity challenge (Probsty!). This challenge has two members from each tribe holding a rope attached to a hanging basket. While they try to hold up their baskets, members of the opposing tribe toss coconuts in them to try to make them drop their load. Evil Russell and Liz hold up the baskets for Foa Foa, while Good Russell and Laura hold the baskets for Galu. Galu breaks out to a very early lead, as they connect on shot after shot, while it takes Foa Foa awhile to make even one. Evil Russell is knocked out first, which leaves Liz to pick up the slack. Naturally, it's not very long before she's overwhelmed as well. Foa Foa is headed back to Tribal Council again, and with the way Evil Russell has been manipulating this tribe, it's hard to see how Liz isn't the one headed home tonight.

But it's more or less impossible for Evil Russell to shuffle his chess pieces around because of the heavy rain. All of the tribe members are forced to huddle together, which means they're not able to jockey for position. Ashley says she's voting for Liz, Liz says she's voting for Ashley, and Dr. Mick says he's voting for Liz. Or Ashley. Or Natalie. Or someone with a vagina. Vaginas are evil Read your Bibles, people!

Tribal Council is...well, it's the dullest Tribal Council ever. We've parsed over everything they said there and none of it is noteworthy. Ashley says she trusts Russell, which makes us sad and leaves us very disappointed in her. Indeed, seven seconds later, she is voted out. Despite all of his bluster about Liz, it makes more sense for Evil Russell to have Ashley eliminated and everyone else agrees. That's one less set of boobs the fellas have to worry about. The big mystery on Survivor right now is whether there will be any members of Foa Foa left when we get to the merge.