Selling Out
By Tom Macy
September 3, 2009
BoxOfficeProphets.com
But now is not the time for mourning. Instead of wallowing in tentpole withdrawl, let's take a look back on the Summer that was while we're still drunk on convoluted plots and our bellies stuffed with excessive CGI. I give you the five things about the Summer of 2009 that made it one to remember.
5) No love for Terminator Salvation
Back in April, if you had asked anyone on the street to list their top three anticipated movies of the summer, Terminator Salvation would no doubt have made the cut. Oh, what a difference a season makes.
The runaway winner in the Biggest Bomb of the Summer contest on just about all fronts, Terminator 4 did the equivalent of shooting, dousing in gasoline, setting on fire, driving over with a Mack truck, reversing, and driving over again James Cameron's once legendary franchise.
An absolute travesty from start to finish, complete with an inanely and insultingly dull finale of Matrix Revolutions-like proportions, the film - made by the inexplicably still working McG - grossed $125 domestically against a $200 million budget. In comparison, GI Joe has made $132 million to date. Yeeeah.
This correlation of poor quality and poor box office performance was one of summer's more uplifting stories. It proved to bigwigs everywhere that the collective film-going public has a nose for garbage, or in this case recycled scrap metal.
4) Joseph Gordon Levitt's dreams come true
No, no it's not because the Mummy replaced Keira Knightly's dad from Pirates of the Carribean as the president. (If you didn't understand that reference, I applaud you for not intimately knowing the plot of all three films I just referenced. You are a far better person than I.) (500) Days of Summer, one of the season's modest breakouts, was billed as an anti-romantic comedy, which found I misleading. I would call Requiem for a Dream an anti-romance but hey, to each his own.
With a hefty helping of cuteness and more than a dollop of hipster quirk, (500) Days of SUmemr still managed to put a new spin on the Hollywood romance by showing some of the more painful but universally experienced sides of love.
But as they say, love makes the world go round and in (500) Days those are the scenes that are the most memorable.
After spending the night with the pixie dreamgirl Zooey Deschanel, Levitt leaves his apartment intoxicated with l'amour as he struts to the immortal Hall and Oates classic You Make My Dreams Come True. Gradually his top-of-the-world-bliss, wherein he greets all passerbys with enthustic salutations, gives way to an all out song and dance number complete with marching bands and animated forest creatures.
The sequence is perfectly constructed with just the right amount of tongue planted in cheek while still exuding the high-flying feeling of a new love. What could have been a head-shaking, forehead-slapping gimmick, was instead an ear-to-ear grinning charmer. Who knew Cobra Commander had such a soft side?
3) Optimus Prime takes them all on! In IMAX!!! ROOOOOOAAAAARRRRR!
Yeah that's right, Trasnformers 2 is on my top five things of Summer 2009. Allow me to explain. The movie was two and a half hours of war-mongering-and-at-times-racist-drivel. But I have to give credit where credit is due. As Chris Nolan did with last years goliath The Dark Knight – at this point, I think we can just go ahead and annoit it as the movie of the decade no? – Michael Bay filmed some seqences of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with IMAX cameras. Instead of 35mm film, 65mm was used for these scenes, allowing for exponentially greater resolution and depth. In addition, the aspect ratio of these scenes, when screened on IMAX, filled the entire screen instead of the standard 35mm widescreen which takes up roughly two-thirds.
The sequence I am referring to is the fight in the forest. I would recount the scenario, but I honestly have no idea. All I remember was Optimus Prime, apparently appearing to scale on IMAX screens, fighting a bunch of evil robots. It was one of the only sections where the 65mm film was used for an extended period and the result, I'm going to dare to say, was mind-blowing. Very few times have I felt that my eyes could not get wide enough to consume what I was seeing on a movie screen. A genuine wow moment, the sheer scope and absolute spectacle was unforgettable. So I tip my hat to you Mr. Bay; enjoy these fleeting moments of my esteem. I'm sure the swimming pool full of money pales in comparison.
2) Christopher Freaking Waltz
This is a bit of a dead horse so I'll be brief. Good Lord, he was amazing. As Colonel Hans Landa in Master Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, Waltz - who has virtually no credits recognizable to the American film-goer on his lengthy, German TV and film-stuffed resume – is the definition of overnight success. Who thought that Heath Ledger would be given a run for his money this soon? Like Ledger's Joker, Landa is the kind of character who's so deliciously watchable that whenever he's offscreen, you are salivating for his return. But whereas The Joker was a villain you not so much hated, but were more fascinated by – and that is not a criticism by any means – you adored as much as despised Colonel Landa. While I couldn't wait to see what he would do next, and he always made good on my anticipation, I was aching to see him get his in the end. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but I'll just say that Tarantino does not disappoint.
1) Up makes everyone cry
In my second entry of Selling Out, I laid out my case for why Pixar films are consistently brilliant. If you missed it, here a summary: They're aliens. In the two-plus months since that column I still have no reliable alternative theory. Several times, Up's simple piano theme – written by Michael Giacchino, who is quite the rising star in the composing world these days – has drifted into head and seeped out my tear ducts. People can quibble with Up's finale, along with all Pixar films, for turning into another silly animated chase sequence (and even if you feel that way you still have to admit those sequences are pretty darn fun). But I would argue that Pixar's blending of substance and entertainment is as seamless as any other films made today. And Pixar nails that balance everytime.
But okay, you don't like that it becomes a kids movie? Fine. Take the first ten minutes of Up and tell me that alone doesn't qualify as indisputable genius. I would make my case for it, but I don't want the waterworks to short-circuit my keyboard. Put that sucker in the Smithsonian and call it a day. Welcome to Earth, Pixar.
Here are some Honorable Mentions that just missed the cut:
The opening of Star Trek
Bruno is an extra (Being an actor, I don't think I've been more uncomfortable in a theater than I was in that scene.)
Sam Rockwell's performance in Moon
The genre-hybridness of the Cove
The restrained CGI of Harry Potter
The first three minutes of Funny People
District 9 shows audiences are smart (Reverse effect of T4, but I think an audience resisting a bad movie is a little more significant that recognizing a good one)
Well, that was fun. But I'm just getting started. Next week, after the end of summer hangover wears off, Selling Out will count down the five worst things about the summer of 2009. I hope you enjoyed your moment, Bay. I'm coming for you.