Classic Review: March of the Wooden Soldiers
By Josh Spiegel
July 23, 2009
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I guess they've...got wood.
What's the best way to ignore how terribly hot it is at the end of July? Watch a Christmas movie, of course! Yes, it's time to have a little Christmas in July, and what better way to do so than with two of the most famous funnymen of all time, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy? Though they were in many movies throughout their careers, Laurel and Hardy are probably best known for a movie that might do well if they weren't even in it, March of the Wooden Soldiers, which is popularly known as Babes in Toyland. The 1934 musical comedy is based on the famous Victor Herbert operetta, but only features five of that show's songs. In essence, this movie is half of an adaptation of an operetta and half Laurel and Hardy antics.

Despite being relatively famous in conjunction with Christmas, there have only been a few movie or TV versions of Babes in Toyland, including a 1961 Walt Disney version starring Ray Bolger and Annette Funicello, and a 1986 TV-movie starring Richard Mulligan, Drew Barrymore, Pat Morita, and Keanu Reeves. Not only am I not making up that second version, and I can tell you that it is easily one of the most laughably terrible movies ever made. Compared with that film, the 1934 version is a masterpiece. Granted, the 1986 version has a song extolling the virtues of Cincinnati, Ohio (no, I'm not making that up), so any other movie would be great in comparison.

March of the Wooden Soldiers is a more faithful version of the original story, which takes place in the fantastical world of Toyland, which is populated with characters from Mother Goose nursery rhymes and various friendly animals. Little Bo Peep, in particular, has run afoul of Mr. Barnaby, the mean old miser who controls enough of Toyland that he can threaten to evict her from her house unless she consents to marry him. Of course, not only is Mr. Barnaby an evil man, but he's also meant to be ferociously ugly (although, an interesting bit of trivia: the actor who plays Barnaby here, Henry Brandon, was only 22-years-old when the movie was released). In the movie, Little Bo Peep's true love, Tom-Tom Piper, and Laurel and Hardy come to the rescue, whereas the operetta doesn't have the benefit of the comedic duo.

Stan Laurel plays Stannie Dum and Oliver Hardy plays Ollie Dee. No, we're not working with the most creative or inventive screenplay here, but I can tell you this much, after seeing a full-length film of theirs for the first time: though it's hard to think of another comedic pairing who've emulated the appropriate shtick, I can't avoid the fact that these two guys were pretty funny. Though their placement within March of the Wooden Soldiers is very awkward, and the transitions rarely work, I can't think of another comedian or group that would work any better. Laurel and Hardy are not only a slapstick pair, but their humor easily appeals to children, especially as they're meant to be playing overgrown kids. Why else would one of the key things to bring down Barnaby be a bag full of marbles?

If you're looking, though, for a relatively seamless movie about the Christmas spirit...well, I'm not particularly certain why you'd even consider looking here. For a movie that used to be a mainstay of Christmas TV programming, March of the Wooden Soldiers is an odd choice indeed. Sure, Santa Claus makes an appearance...for five minutes early on. Sure, Laurel and Hardy play people who make toys for a living...but the movie is set in July, none of the other characters are Christmas-related and so on and so on. The spirit of Christmas can be found in many other movies that are much more clearly about the holiday. All of this just makes the experience of watching March of the Wooden Soldiers even stranger than it ought to be, which was not something I was hoping for.

Coming into this movie after having seen a movie where Keanu Reeves has to face off with Richard Mulligan and lots of people dressed as trolls, I was hoping for a slightly more sensible experience. Alas, it isn't to be. With the plot being relatively threadbare, so much so that the movie is only 78 minutes long, what I could focus on next is the music. Aside from the song titled "Toyland", which opens the movie, there's very little music throughout the film; only four other pieces from the operetta are snuck into the movie, and one of those is strictly instrumental (it accompanies the titular march of those wooden soldiers). The rest are ballad-esque love songs, even though one is simply about Little Bo Peep trying to find those sheep of hers.

Okay, I'm probably being too hard on this movie, but even if I tried to imagine I was a kid again (something I was once, I swear!), I'm not sure I'd have enjoyed the entire movie. Yes, the movie ends on a high note, in that it closes with something kids are sure to get a kick out of (Laurel has to pull tens of darts out of Hardy's back, much to the latter's displeasure), but the rest of the nearly 80-minute movie is somewhat boring. Little Bo Peep, as played by Charlotte Henry, has about as much as personality as the blandest Disney princess (and let's not forget that movies like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are not memorable because of how vibrant and dynamic their title characters are). Tom-Tom Piper is simply an opera-singing Ken doll, personality-free.

So what is there to recommend about March of the Wooden Soldiers? Again, if you're a fan of old-school comedy, comedy that was, for its time, kind of gross, you ought to check out this movie. Or, maybe, you should check out about 30 minutes of this movie, the time when we're with the two goofballs who are the most interesting part of the whole story. Laurel and Hardy were gifted at what they did, Laurel as a frequently serene, childlike man, and Hardy as the flustered, frustrated opposite. Aside from that, you can marvel at the truly random appearance of what must have been Mickey Mouse (although there were no lawsuits from Disney, I can't imagine what stopped them from coming) and the song Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?, another cause for lawsuits from Disney, lawsuits that never came.

Laurel and Hardy have an odd place in the world of comedic cinema. Unlike the Marx Brothers, they were not frequently in famous movies, movies that we still talk about today. Unlike the Three Stooges, their comedy was never too violent. Certainly, some of their common jokes are still pretty well-known (does the phrase "This is another fine mess you've gotten us into" ring any bells?), but they aren't often thought of alongside some of the other comedy gods of the age, including even Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. They worked for Hal Roach, who also helped the Little Rascals become popular, but they never became truly successful for one or two movies...except for March of the Wooden Soldiers. How odd that their biggest success is a movie that features them as side characters, this movie's version of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

I can't tell you that March of the Wooden Soldiers, a movie that spends only three minutes' time on that titular march, is good, but I also don't want to tell you to avoid it. For watching an old pair of comedy legends, this is worth it. For watching a relic of a time now since lost, you should check it out. Just don't expect a film that will make you put Laurel and Hardy on a pedestal next to Groucho Marx.