The Amazing Race 13, Episode 8
I'm Like an Angry Cow
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
November 16, 2008

They are literally never this happy.

Previously on the Amazing Race, everyone got doused in paint. They were all incensed and humiliated. It was awesome!

The order of finish last week pretty much reflects the way we grade the quality of the competitors. We might be underselling Ken & Tina a little bit, but they seem inconsistent. Nick & Starr are definitely the class of the competition this season, with Toni & Dallas being the best parent/sibling competitors in recent memory (if not ever). Terence & Sarah remind us a lot of Adam & Rebecca from season six. On the rare occasions when they're not squabbling, they're an effective tandem. Their problem is that the most innocuous things can set them off into a knock-down, drag-out brawl, which usually leads to 30+ recitations of the word "baby". Ken & Tina are a team that has been previously described as this season's Jonathan & Victoria. It's not quite that bad because there doesn't appear to be any physical violence, but they really are bad for each other. And finally, Team Superbad, the most accurately named duo ever, are the Inspector Clouseaus of the competition, bound and determined to prove once and for all that it's better to be lucky than good.

We're back in Delhi, India once again, and to start off this leg of the race, Nick & Starr are instructed to fly to Almaty, Kazakhstan. We can only hope they'll meet Borat Sagdiyev while visiting. He promises to make sexy time with all of the contestants. Once in Almaty, they must venture to a chicken factory, where their next clue is hidden. What is it with birds and Amazing Race this season? Is KFC a sponsor?

Toni & Dallas are a slight ten minutes behind the leaders. Toni makes the astute evaluation that other teams do not view them as threats and that they've been flying under the radar so far. It doesn't hurt that Dallas and Starr have a little flirtation going on, because even though Nick is a big fan of misleading other teams, she has trouble finding it in her heart to screw over the boy she likes. Their two teams hang out together as they book tickets, and seem to realize that at this point in the race, a semi-alliance isn't a bad strategy. This means that Terence & Sarah will be the odd team out, since Ken & Tina are seeming to be inclined to offer their assistance to Dan & Andrew.

Speaking of Terence & Sarah, they're a half hour behind the first place team, and Sarah says she's thrilled to be going to Kazakhstan. The moment they get into their cab, Terence starts whining about how he has too much stuff and he needs to get rid of some stuff and the fact that his stuff doesn't seem to be leaving on its own. And stuff. Sarah warningly tells him, "I'm in a really good mood," even though her face says, "Terence, I will kill you in your sleep if you don't shut up immediately."

Ken & Tina are out a full hour behind Terence & Sarah, and they seem to be in a better place at this point right now than they had been during earlier legs of the race. They're hoping that if they can pull things together, they can get back to being the dominant force they had been early on in the race.

Twelve minutes behind them are Andrew & Dan, who are oh so excited to get the cash that comes with their clue. They've got quite the racket going! Unlike the rest of the teams, they're all excited to meet the aforementioned Borat. They apparently don't realize that he's fictional. Perhaps he lives with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.

Nick & Star, Toni & Dallas and Ken & Tina all are able to make it on the first flight to Kazakhstan. The big mystery is how Ken & Tina were able to surpass Terence & Sarah, who had an hour lead on them. Alas, we don't see any of that on camera, but we do see Terence & Sarah get shut out for seats on the first plane. However, there are only two seats available on the second flight, which means that Andrew & Dan are stuck on a later plane. The fact that CBS doesn't show us what time their plane will arrive at its scheduled destination makes us suspect that they'll be far enough behind that we're looking at a repeat of what happened a couple of episodes ago with Aja & Ty. Unless the chicken factory doesn't open until daylight, they're going to be screwed.

Lo and behold, this is exactly what happens. The chicken factory is closed until 7:30 in the morning, giving the last place teams roughly six hours to catch up. And so they do. Everyone is on equal footing when the gates to the chicken place open. We're happy that this makes the race more exciting for us to recap; however, if we were contestants with a six hour lead, we'd be finger-licking-pissed.

Today's Road Block has teams searching the chicken factory for a golden egg. There's also a Fast Forward, which will require both members to eat a local Kazakh delicacy. Terence & Sarah and Nick & Starr both decide to go for the Fast Forward, which means that the golden egg searchers have a bit of breathing room. Toni is the first one to find an egg, and they are instructed to travel by crane truck to the Koktobe Arch, where they must find - and we're not kidding here - a Mongol Warrior (and apparently a time machine to get them to said warrior). Andrew is next to find an egg, followed quickly by Tina. It's a race to the crane trucks between these two teams, because there are apparently only two Mongol Warriors available at a time, and it's first come, first serve.

Meanwhile, both Nick & Starr and Terence and Sarah have arrived at the Fast Forward, where Terence has made the unfortunate discovery that he will be required to eat meat. This is a problem, since he's a vegetarian. He tells Sarah that just can't do it. Frankly, we don't think he could have done it even if he were a carnivore. This just gives him a convenient excuse. However, to his credit, he really does make a go of it. Starr is really struggling with her delicious sheep's butt, on the other hand.

Over in Mongol Warrior Land, Toni & Dallas have received their next clue, which either has them headed for the detour. They must either learn to play an instrument and eventually perform for tips, or dress up like a cow and walk through the streets - no easy task. The mother/son team choose to "act like fools", and they will be taking the cow costume approach.

We head back over to the Fast Forward, and we see that Terence just can't handle the meat. He and Sarah are forced to give up on the contest, which means that Nick & Starr will finish in first place once again. Terence & Sarah will have to double back to the chicken ranch. Luckily for them, Andrew & Dan's crane truck is lost, and they're having to rely on the kindness of strangers to get them where they're going. Still, it seems as though Terence and Sarah would have to be at least an hour and a half behind at this point. Something is going to have to go incredibly wrong for them to not finish in last place.

As we already knew would happen, Nick & Starr pull into the Pit Stop and finish in first place. Phil informs them that they have won two wave runners, which seems to make them happy. He does tell them that they can't use it until after the race, though. BOO!

We're back to the cow costume race, and though Toni & Dallas are having a lot of fun with it, Ken & Tina are first to find the milk stand where the front of the cow (Tina) must drink a glass of milk. There's a bit of confusion here, as Ken & Tina think that the milk man is the one who will give them their clue, but they're actually supposed to read the bottom of the glass to receive their next set of instructions. Poor clue reading strikes again! Ken & Tina see another duo in cow costume and wonder, "Is that another team?" No, Ken & Tina. Those are just random Kazakhs dressed as cows, wandering the streets. Cow costumes *are* their Bermuda shorts, after all. Toni & Dallas figure out the "bottom of the glass thing, and move on to the butcher section.

It's not long before Ken & Tina figure out what they were supposed to have done at the milk stall, but they decide for some reason that they should go back and return their cow costume even though their clue does not indicate that they should. Toni & Dallas, on the other hand, follow the instructions correctly. They're sent to the Pit Stop, and told to bring their cow head to the check in.

To their credit, when Toni & Dallas encounter Ken & Tina as they're walking up to the butcher shop, they do tell them that they need their cow costume in order to proceed. Ken & Tina don't believe them, and pay the price when they get to the spot where the clue is administered. They're forced to double back and go get their costume.

Andrew & Dan finally arrive at the cow costume place, and leave their shoes behind, saying that they'll come back to get them later. The editing makes this seem significant, but were not sure why yet. Terence & Sarah are also all dressed up as cows, and both teams are finding assistance in getting them from place to place. After Team Superbad get their clue at the butcher shop, they note that they'll have to go get their shoes later, but the thing is, they're going to the Pit Stop. They take a taxi, and are told that they (also) have not read their clue correctly. Phil sends them back to the end of the detour, where they'll have to make their way on *foot*. You know what would be nice to have when you're walking around aimlessly for an extended period? Your shoes!

So it's come down to a foot race between Terence & Sarah and Andrew & Dan, if the editing can be believed. We think Team Superbad has a better chance of being beaten by Huns. And in the end, we're right. Andrew & Dan fumble through to live another day, while Terence & Sarah are eliminated from the race. To our surprise, their comments make it sound as though their relationship has never been in better shape. We can't help but wonder what they were like *before* the race. Did they actually fire artillery rounds at one another?

BOP is doing a link exchange with our good friends at Buddy TV this season. For more The Amazing Race info, visit their site.