Survivor: Micronesia - Fans vs. Favorites
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
February 21, 2008

We don't really understand why you're gone either, buddy.

Previously on Survivor, love was in the air. Ozzy put his tongue down Amanda's throat, Parvati crushed on James (that's okay, one of us does that as well) and Mikey B. started canoodling with a voluptuous Mary. Other Survivors saw all this hot and heavy action going on and got jealous, with plans being made on both tribes to break up the couples. A doofus named Chet decided that he couldn't swim, thereby dooming his team to defeat. And a roid-ragey Joel hated nearly everyone, but eventually saw things go the way he wanted – we think – as Mary was eliminated to the surprise of her paramour.

Also, our good friend Jim asked you to help him out. If you like his Survivor recaps, let CBS know at their Feedback Forum. Because seriously, how cool would it be to see our friend actually competing on Survivor, with the words "Survivor Analyst" underneath his name?

That's right, because Jim had prior plans this week, you are stuck with ghosts of Survivor past in Kim Hollis and David Mumpower for your Survivor recap fix. We think this Fans vs. Favorites thing promises to be a lot of fun...especially since Jonny Fairplay was eliminated in week one. Let's find out if Ozmanda and Jamevati are in any trouble this week – and how the surprise vote at last week's Tribal Council for the Fans impacts the group.

Night six begins at Airi, the camp of the "Fans". Paranoia rules the day as Mikey B. automatically assumes that "big guy" Joel is responsible for his girlfriend getting the boot. Needless to say, Mikey B. is a little pissed that Mary is gone. He claims that Joel has been playing the game all wrong, as now is the time to be playing a "short game" where you focus upon keeping your strong players and eliminating the weak. Mikey B. says to Joel, "If you want to make up for it, you can't." Amusingly, as we noted before, Joel didn't even vote for Mary, though he did head up the machinations that ultimately got her eliminated. Joel comments that he can't wait to see Mikey's face when he realizes the tribe isn't in his pocket; however, if he didn't have that face at the previous Tribal Council, it's never going to happen.

The aforementioned lovey-dovey foursome - we'll now call them Team Orgy - lures Eliza down to the beach so she can hang out with the young folks. She thinks it's going to be all candy and games and fun, but then she realizes that they want to talk to her and make her think and stuff. This is exactly why you shouldn't take candy from strangers. The question is whether Eliza will decide that she wants to hang out with the cool kids by targeting Yau Man, Jonathan and Cirie, or if she'll stick tight with her current alliance (which, by the way, is probably her best play). When Eliza goes back to chat with her actual alliance, she tells them that shenanigans are afoot with Team Orgy. Eventually, that group decides that Parvati is their first target, because she's skanky and weak.

Cirie, one of the most deliciously selfish players in the history of the game, hasn't changed a bit. She's playing both sides and relishing her schizophrenia. Dr. Jekyll is nothing but honest to anyone she trusts. Ms. Hyde proudly lies her ass off. The truth is that she hasn't really determined which of the two alliances is her best play. In the end, she'll evaluate and see which group will work to move her forward furthest in the game. Good ol' Cirie. All that matters is that other people do the work. She hates touching leaves, you know.

With the receipt of tree mail, the Sears Wish Book has arrived. Each tribe gets to select three items that they will be playing for in the reward challenge. We're not sure if Jeff Probst is in the catalog or not. Also in the mailbox is face paint, which amusingly leads to Joel looking like the Ultimate Warrior, who we already believed was his role model in life.

Hooray for Probst! We've missed you, pal. He explains that both tribes will start at opposite ends of the lagoon in the other tribe's end zone. The goal is to take three giant bags across the lagoon into the opponent's end zone. Favorites are playing for shelter, a lighting kit and a survival kit, while fans chose a fishing kit, shelter and a kitchen set.

By the time the challenge starts, it is pouring down rain. Through brute force, James forces two bags into the end zone quickly. Despite Joel's best efforts, one of his teammates is playing with her hair and another is tugging at her bikini. Nonetheless, they somehow manage to tie the score. One of the fans, Erik, steals a bag from the favorites and drags both it and Eliza into the end zone. He smacks her in the head with it for good measure. Next, he body slams Amanda over his head, which completely sends James over the edge. The anger works for him, and he gets a bag into the end zone. Soon, Amanda steals one and tosses it to James. It's 4-2. Jonathan gets involved in a big pile and steals a bag, running away clean to the end zone. Favorites win their chosen item.

Also, as you may remember, the winners get to choose a member of the Fans to go to Exile Island. They send the oddball Kathy there. Ami chooses to go for the purpose of finding immunity idol clues. The disgruntled Fans depart, while smiling Favorites take their loot and head home.

Upon returning to camp, Cirie starts to get contemplative about which alliance she should team with. In her opinion, neither side is worshiping at her feet enough to curry her favor. She thinks they ought to be washing her clothes, cooking her food and carrying her around. If she keeps this up, all that's going to happen is that she's going to get gone in a hurry.

Still, she openly and honestly approaches the female portion of Team Orgy. She comments that she would like to hang with them, but she's a little uncomfortable with their relationships. Parvati pretty much tells her that she realizes that she has no shot against James if it came to a final three, so she could be turned against him. "Really, Cirie. You should totally believe us. We're not just saying stuff to get you to vote how we want."

Of course, none of this goes unnoticed by Jonathan and Eliza. They worry that perhaps they *should* have been doing Cirie's laundry and carrying her around on a litter. The group comes to the decision that they will have to do something to reassure her that she's a vital member of their team, which probably isn't a bad idea since Cirie likes to be flattered.

At Exile Island, Ami isn't smart enough to suss out the clues that Kathy and Cirie uncovered last week, and Kathy is too tired to tell her that she already knows the answers. Since Kathy is fully aware that finding the next clues requires her to traipse back and forth from small island to small island, through the water, she really just wants to get settled in for the evening and hang out. Eventually, she convinces Ami that the tide is coming in and maybe they should call it a day. Given that Kathy's discomfort with a gay man was palpable in the season premiere, we can't wait to see how the star of Transamerica will behave with lesbian Ami alone on Exile Island.

It's really pouring down rain now, and the Survivor we learn next is Tarp Good. No Tarp Bad. Ozzy and other favorites gather under the tarp that they won during the Reward Challenge. He comments that he feels sorry for the poor Airai tribe. And he should. They're bemoaning the fact that they have no tarp, and trying to find ways to stay out of the torrential rainfall. One of them even seems to climb up under a rock. This person is Jason, and he says, "I hope no spiders get me." As if realizing that he perhaps didn't sound quite macho there, he continues..."Or scorpions or rats." Right, and don't forget the lions or tigers or bears. Oh my.

Hooray! Probst is back! Obviously, this means that it's time for an Immunity Challenge. The challenge involves a large net. It's a free throw shooting competition, except for the fact that you use coconuts instead of basketballs, and the net is 20 feet up in the air. Essentially, tribe members will be aiming to get so many coconuts in the opposing team's net that they can't hold the weight any more. Jason and Alexis score the first points, with Alexis using the granny free throw strategy. It's ugly, but it works. In fact, it immediately becomes the method of choice for the women of both teams.

The Fans are the first to experience discomfort, while James claims that he is having no trouble. Soon, though, it gets more even and we see both sides struggle. When Jonathan (who's been talking some trash the whole time, by the way) slips, the Favorites lose the challenge, giving Fans immunity. It looks like things just. Got. Interesting.

Kim's prediction is that Cirie is getting voted out tonight, so we'll now begin playing "It's Anyone But Cirie" back at the Favorite's camp. Jonathan and Yau Man discuss that Parvati will be the one they eliminate. Team Orgy initially decides on Yau Man, but soon seems to flip to wanting Eliza gone. As they attempt to discuss this with Cirie, Ami and Jonathan walk up, causing everyone to disperse.

As soon as they can get her alone, Jonathan, Yau Man and Ami attempt to convince Cirie that they really have her best interest in mind. She bluntly says that she believes Jonathan has a secret "thing" with Yau Man, so she's just not sure about the wisdom of going with this alliance. Jonathan tries to explain to her that he has a "thing" with all of his alliance members, while the rest of the alliance looks at her like, "Dumbass, you're ruining a good thing." In the end, we think she just doesn't like Yau Man and wants him gone.

Next, Jonathan schemes with Team Orgy to vote out Eliza, an idea Ozzy likes but the girls are less certain of. Still, they do manage to come to a consensus, but can't convince Cirie to change her vote to Yau Man. Jonathan is hoping that this rift in the group remains strong, as if there is a split in Team Orgy plus Eliza, there's a chance they can eliminate Parvati after all.

The argument continues at Tribal Council as Jonathan and Cirie argue like an old married couple. The contentious portion of the debate is whether Cirie was even in Jonathan's alliance. Her argument is that she feels like the fifth wheel. She believes she was the last one in, which means she will also be the first one out when they turn on each other. His argument seems to be that she just used them to gain information and never intended to stay in an alliance to the end with Yau Man as she sees him either as an enormous threat or she doesn't like him.

After this goes on for several more minutes, we come to realize that it's not Yau Man Cirie doesn't like. It's Jonathan. She can't trust him as far as she throws him, she says. Really, these two need to go ahead and have some sex and end the tension, fast.

In the end, we weren't even close in choosing Cirie as the next person voted out. She is instead in complete control of this game, and one of the competent returning players has been eliminated for no good reason save being a perceived threat. Cheer up, Yau Man. At least you got to bash Fairplay's head before you went home.

Looking forward, we're not really sure what Cirie was thinking here. If she is thinking that she was the third wheel with Jonathan, Yau Man and Co, we can't imagine how she's any better off with Team Orgy, particularly since there is sex and affection standing in her way. Plus, she's very annoying.

Next week, Jim will return to handle the recap. We had fun filling in. Have a great Survivor season!