Survivor: China
I'm Not As Dumb As I Look
By Jim Van Nest
November 2, 2007

What do you mean, it's not an immunity idol?

Hello, good people! Long time no see! Wow, I feel like I just did this...oh, I don't know...LAST night too! Anyway, as I try to get myself back on track, let's recap shall we? Previously on Survivor: James worked, Todd schemed, Jean-Robert snored, Frosti busted in on the idol fun, James was kidnapped and idol-ed, Zhan Hu tried, Denise couldn't eat Balut and Sherea mouthed herself right off the show. Promos for this week have been VERY interesting. We can expect a merge, a violation of privacy, a third immunity idol (??) and the seventh person voted out of Survivor: China. So, whaddaya say, let's get to it!!

We begin with Fei Long after Tribal. Jean-Robert is pretty upset over what happened in Tribal Council. Amanda and Todd tell him that he needs to deal with Courtney on his own. Courtney tells us that she thinks Todd and Amanda are kissing up to Jean-Robert and that just because she dislikes everyone else more than them; they're mistaking that for friendship. Cue the titles...

After Amazing Race promo # 1,232,574, we come back to Zhan Hu. PG is telling James that she hopes he trusts them now. He says they don't seem loyal to him but to each other. She's trying real hard to get him to stick with them. She says they sacrificed one of their tribemates to keep him. He's SO not buying it, and frankly, I'm insulted by the whole conversation. As the other three talk, James is lingering around the idol. As they wonder what he's thinking, he slowly pries off the wrong piece, no idol. He pries off a second one and that's the one. Everyone comes back before he can put the wrong one back up. But the damage is done. James is now sitting on two immunity idols and they're both hidden from the rest of Zhan Hu. About the other piece? Who cares, it's nothing more than a nice souvenir at this point.

Back at Fei Long, it's shaping up to be more of the Courtney Drama Hour. Todd is a little annoyed with her. She's pissed because Jean-Robert didn't get voted out. Todd tells her that JR is part of his strategy and he needs him to stay around. As Courtney continues to whine about how JR doesn't like her and Todd doesn't even care, Todd tells her flat out that she's right. No one likes JR, but they can't just run up and tell him that, or he'll swap teams when the tribes merge. He tells us that Courtney is becoming a problem because she's going to vote for JR every single time and all it takes is word to get out and the three Zhan Hu's will piggy back on that and all of a sudden there's a four vote campaign to dump JR and Todd doesn't want to risk losing his numbers. Todd is trying to patch things up with Courtney but of course, that's asking too much. Basically, she just pissed off Todd and that's the same as punching her own ticket out of here.

Back at Zhan Hu, Jamie notices that something is missing on the overhang. Uh oh, they see it. Eric finds the non-idol and tells us that it looks "idolish." Erik's decided to keep it because it looks like an idol. So, we now have two idols in play and one non-idol in play. As night falls, Jamie (bitch that she is) decides to go through James' bag while he's off frog hunting with PG. As she digs through his stuff, she finds both idols. Ya know...they say all's fair in love and war. Well, this is neither. This is a game and there's an integrity that comes with the game. Jamie has completely trashed the integrity of the game once, but throwing a challenge and having the nerve to laugh about it. Now she's taken it even further. Remember when I told you about "turning heel?" She's taken it even farther than that now. The typical heel you kinda love to hate. Jamie, on the other hand, I just hate and she can't leave this game fast enough.

We come back from break and James realizes the blank board is gone. He surmises that someone picked it up and thinks it's an idol. He's laughing at the idea of Jamie holding a bogus idol. Which brings to mind...she never did actually look at the idols. She found them in James' pants legs, but never unwrapped them to see the writing. She probably still thinks the plank she has is legit. James is dying at the thought of her pulling out an immunity idol that's not an idol.

Probst sighting!! Jeff tells them that in the Art of War, it's important to know yourself and your opponent. "Drop your buffs, you are merged!" As everyone hugs, Jamie tells us how excited she is to have a hidden immunity idol. Bwahahahahahaha!!! The tribe will live at Fei Long beach. There will be a flag and paints to name and paint for the new tribe. There will also be a feast and an afternoon of Chinese performances. Jeff reminds them before they leave that no matter what's going on; remember that the game never ends. That sounds like he's dropping a major hint to me. Sounds that way to Jean-Robert too, but he has no idea what it could mean.

They all make their way to the feasting table and dine on all sorts of food and drink. They get to watch a sweet acrobatic show. They have plate spinners, contortionists, fireworks, music, dancing...quite a wonderful display really. As this goes on Amanda tells us her first thought was who to pick off next. She says she won't be able to relax until all the Zhan Hus are gone.

We come back from break as the tribe comes back to their beach. JR tells confirms that Zhan Hus will go first. He's feeling pretty secure in his place in the tribe. We had a big waste of time known as "Coming up with a new tribe name." As we get back to the game, PG tells us that while she's down 6-4 in the numbers, but she seems to think that she can pull in James and Frosti to her side to give her the numbers and a power position. Um, PG...This is Earth, have you met? She's one of the stupidest people to ever play this game, if she thinks James will side with her over his former tribe. The way she tried to throw challenges to dump him and she thinks he'll side with her? That's not crazy, that's just dumb.

Um...Probst sighting! As the tribe talks, Jeff lands on the beach carrying a big bag. Jeff never comes to camp...this has to be a challenge. He asks the tribe if they've come up with a name yet and they have. They're going to be Hae Da Fung, which means Black Fighting Wind. With that stuff out of the way, Jeff gets to what is in the bag. He says it's a gift for one of them and he pulls out the Immunity Necklace. He goes on to tell them that the immunity challenge will happen right now. As everyone gathers in an open place, Jeff explains that he told them that the game was still on at all times. Each person will be given a tablet. Jeff will ask them questions about the feast and performances. Miss one question and you're gone. Last person left wins immunity. I LOVE a single immunity challenge. That will be sweet. James and Frosti are already counting themselves out as they have bad memories. Jean-Robert says he was too concentrated on food. Personally, I think Denise, PG or Todd will likely be stellar at this challenge. Let's see if I'm right.

First question: How many times did fireworks go off during the celebration? The correct answer is three. James, Amanda, Courtney and PG all missed that one and they are out. Four down, six to go.

Second question: What was the centerpiece of the table? The correct answer is a dragon. Everyone gets that one right.

Third question: There was a pole with knife blades as steps in the middle of the field. What color was the pole? The correct answer is yellow. Todd, Jean-Robert, Denise and Erik miss it and are out. That leaves Frosti and Jamie as the only people left.

Fourth question: There were four dancers in long flowing skirts. What did they wear on their feet? The correct answer is nothing. Jamie? Oh, she doesn't get that one right. Frosti? Oh yeah, he does. Frosti wins the first individual immunity. And with that, all I could think was, please get rid of Jamie, please get rid of Jamie, please get rid of Jamie.

We come back from break to play "It's anyone but PG, Jamie or Erik." PG is sitting right by James trying to determine if he's on her side or not. Um, PG, this just in, HE'S NOT! She asks him in they're still cool, he says mmm hmmm and that's the end of it. We flip to James talking to Todd about the idols and how one of the Zhan Hus has a blank board but thinks it's an idol. He said he just had to tell Todd because it's so funny. Todd confirms that the final five will be James, Amanda, Denise, Courtney and himself. Next we see James telling Amanda about the idols and as they both get a good laugh out of it, the talk turns to who to get rid of. Amanda thinks they should target Jamie as she's the silent leader of the group and would be the one most likely to try get a crack in the main alliance. As they talk, Amanda does mention that Courtney hasn't been very solid for them and she's concerned she might flip. James is just beside himself with Courtney saying that she's gonna flip. He says she's out there worried about making friends instead of alliances to win a million dollars.

Todd and Jean-Robert are talking about the vote and Todd says it should go Jamie, PG, Erik. Jean-Robert thinks they should go with PG first and he actually has a pretty good reason. He says that everyone knows Jamie is shady and no one will trust her. But PG is just starting to work over there. He even says she came up to him and put her arm around him and he was thinking, "Well this is all right." He tells Todd he doesn't WANT to feel alright with PG, so he wants her gone. He goes further to tell Todd that if he gets screwed over, he's holding Todd responsible, not Amanda. He also goes on to say that he'll be the most vindictive juror ever and that Todd will feel the wrath. JR seems to think that he, Todd and Amanda are the final three. Todd confirms that he'll say anything to keep JR on his side for right now, but that he has no plan to honor that final three-some.

Our next pow-wow is PG and Jamie. They're STILL wondering if James is sticking with them. Bwahaha! They confirm that they are voting for Jean-Robert. PG mentions that Courtney voted for him last time. Now the talk turns to whether or not Frosti can be trusted to come back to them. PG doesn't think so because Courtney and Frosti seem to have gotten very close here lately. They decide to pull Frosti aside to talk to him about things. Jamie and Erik head down that way and she tells Frosti all about the idol she has. He asks how she knows it's an idol and she tells the same story, but gives no details to suggest she actually has it. She's telling Frosti that Jean-Robert will be going home if everyone votes for her and she plays the idol. Frosti rationalizes that the worst thing that could happen is that JR would go home if she does have it. He also tells us that both tribes seem to think that he's with them and since he has the necklace, he's a serious swing vote at this point. Our next conversation is Jamie and Todd. She asks him about the immunity idol. He says he knows very little about it. She tries to deal with Todd that if he keeps her around, she'll help him out the idol on his tribe and that she knows who has the one on her tribe. Todd tells us, "Wow, does she have to catch up! She's on the small bike in the back, ya know, peddling as fast as she can." Jamie then tells us that she's really good at playing stupid and my, won't that opinion change when she plays the hidden immunity idol tonight?

We then see James trying to convince JR to vote with the tribe, even though he prefers to go with PG. James tells us that his tribe has to stay together and that JR might be dumb enough to vote for PG and Courtney might just vote for JR, "Cause she just wanna be hateful." He's a little concerned that his tribe may not stick together.

As they get to Tribal, Jeff asks Amanda how the merge changed the game. She says it's nice to have a lot of new people around and that they're having fun. Jeff asks PG if Amanda talking about fun means that she feels confident that she isn't going anywhere. PG says that with their numbers, she should feel that way. Next up is JR, has he noticed a shift in people? He says it's interesting how the dynamic has changed to individual. He goes on to mention that Courtney will last a long time because she won't be seen as a threat. Courtney of course has something to say. She says that's JR's way of making her out to be a threat, when she's not. This goes on for a bit and ends with James saying that JR talks too much. He asks PG if she tried to find cracks in the Fei Long group. She mentions that she's heard JR's name come up a couple times. He asks Jamie what the key is to keep attention off her. She says all she tried to do was talk to people to see if there's any kind of cracks in their alliance and maybe they'll keep her instead of them. And with that, it's time to vote.

First vote we see is Jamie voting for Jean-Robert. We then see Courtney start to write, but all we see is the 'J', so it could really be either one, I guess. I'll go tally the votes. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen. The moment we were all hoping for. Before Jeff reads a vote, Jamie interrupts him to ask about and presents her "immunity idol." Jeff takes it and explains the rules of the hidden idol. As James and Todd snicker, Jeff says, "The rules of Survivor state that if a hidden immunity idol is played, any votes cast against that person will not count and the person with the next highest number of votes will be sent home. That's in the case of a hidden immunity idol being played." And he throws it in the fire. As JR and James and others laugh, Jeff lets them know that Jamie's votes will count. He reads: JR, Jamie, Jamie, JR, JR, Jamie. We're tied 3-3. After three more votes, the seventh person voted out of Survivor: China is Jamie. WOO HOO!!! Like John Lennon said...Instant Karma gonna get ya.

Talk about one of the greatest episodes of Survivor ever to air, watching Jamie go from digging through someone's stuff like a complete puke, in the span of one episode, we see it come back on her and dump her from the game. And she humiliated herself in the process. Throw in all the "they all think I'm just dumb" and "I'm real good at playing stupid" comments and this was just the most brutal episode for a Survivor since Outback Mike took a nose dive into a fire.

Next time on Survivor: for whatever reason, Todd seems to want to target James. He says if they dump James, both idols go home with him. Todd's alliance starts to question him and PG makes a power play.

Before I sign off and I don't usually do this, but Jamie had the most obnoxious final words. She complains about how she made a mistake in trusting James and that he's just not trustworthy. Are you frickin' kidding me? You threw a challenge to dump Aaron and would have done the same to James if not for Sherea being a flake. Then you went through his crap when he wasn't around? But HE'S untrustworthy??? Oh. My. God. With that, I'll take my leave. Til next week, take care.